soccer

Today is Freedom Eve, so naturally we are celebrating over at Happy Nice Time People! Between the apple pie, the guns, and the glory, we don’t know what to do with ourselves! But don’t worry, we’ve got your horoscopes and your Bobby Womack and your (NBD) RACHEL MADDOW LOVING WONKETTE and so much more. We […]

Happy Nice Time People is many things — fun, funny, dark, weird, fascinating, light, sassy, fluffy — but most of all it is not afraid to be servicey. Thus, we sometimes delve into the world of mental health, as we did today. And also we talked about the United States exiting The Foreignball Cup, and […]

Did you have a super fun time watching the USA SportingsBall team lose but not lose forever to Germany today? Well, shame on you for thinking about something other than Benghazi, you pitiful dupe! The worst psychiatrist anywhere, D. Keith Ablow, said today on Fox’s OutNumbered that he’s “a little suspicious about all this “World […]

Today’s match is Hitler’s nightmare scenario: a US team with a German national hero as a coach plus a bunch of international players with dual citizenship, including five guys with German moms and African-American service member dads. It is also master troll Ann Coulter’s nightmare scenario because she hates soccer, and immigrants, and fun. They […]

Whew! What a day it’s been! We’ve got singing mayors, sorry restaurants, and sexy boobs! Get into the magic, the beauty, the mayhem and the luscious madness of today’s Happy Nice Time People goodness. It’s piping hot, and at the end you get boobs! KFC said it was sorry to a little girl with facial […]

You know the biggest problem with conservatives and humor? Did you answer “because they’re such bullies and boors you can never figure out if they’re being serious or not”? You are exactly right! Congratulations to you! As a perfect example of our inability to distinguish between whether one of their ilk is engaging in actual […]

From the Washington Free Beacon comes this shocking revelation: President Obama referred to the sport of soccer as “football” during a press conference in Brussels on Thursday, raising questions about his commitment to America. For a publication usually devoted to general wingnuttery, Andrew Stiles’s piece is actually a pretty good parody of wingnuttery, and for […]

This week’s Times leads, like pretty much every other news source in America, with the release of American prisoner of war Bowe Bergdahl, imprisoned by Afghan insurgents for five years. Rather than be happy that our sole POW got to return to American soil, the GOP took this as an opportunity to whine about Obama. […]

So we all know by now that our First Lady Michelle Obama hates Oprah and taunted her with pie, or whatever, who cares. Our FLOTUS really has no time for ridiculous accusations, because in case you haven’t noticed, we have an obesity crisis on our hands. Michelle Obama is hard at work trying to stop […]

Fox News is furious about the conditions at Guantanamo Bay, where hundreds of foreigns are held without charges in an extralegal offshore prison forever. Can you, the taxpayer, even believe how good they have it? It turns out that Uncle Sam is spending your hard-earned Ameros to build a “$750,000 soccer field” for these effete […]

The United States’ big dreams of hosting the 2022 World Cup were shattered by one of the planet’s smallest nations. In a historic vote Thursday in Zurich, FIFA awarded the hosting rights to Qatar, a Middle Eastern country smaller than Connecticut that wowed the sport’s international governing body with innovative stadium plans, massive financial resources […]

Oh, this is a sad day for psychic sea creatures: Paul the Octopus, who accurately predicted the result of every German soccer match as well as the final in this year’s World Cup in South Africa, has died. The mollusk-turned-sage passed away naturally in his aquarium in the western German city of Oberhausen overnight, Sealife […]

For a while there, we all thought the U.S. soccer team just might make it out of the round of 16 and into the quarterfinals … ha ha, no. But now we have all these Americans who suddenly love their country, who spent all day Saturday glued to the teevee watching this Euro-Latinno sport of […]

WHAT? Speak American! Meg Whitman has decided to court the Messicans in her race for California governor, and here is her first ad. It airs today during a soccer match, so apparently she’s trying to get the gay vote too. What is being said? WE DON’T KNOW, WE’RE AMERICAN. So here’s an attempt to figure […]

One of the greatest ideas the Web honchos for Fox News ever had was to basically rip off the classic Fark PhotoShop contest and just have their mouth-breathing readership create terribly hacked together visual insanity about whatever vaguely newsworthy topic they can think of, under the punny label “Photo Op-inion.” Today’s topic was “World Cup […]