How many big-haired wingnut dipshit political gals can you handle at once? How about two? These two. Here, click and get your free tickets. Don’t type “truck nutz” or whatever in the forms, type your real info, get your tickets, and GO GO GO and MAKE YOUR VOICES HEARD or whatever teabaggers do. There’s a $10,000 super-sexy photo session with Sarah and Michele, too. Wonkette operative “Martinette” says, “I would do it if it were clothing optional.” Gross! [Minnesota GOP]

Angry old idiot John “Walnuts!” McCain is probably going to lose his beloved Senate seat this year and then be forced to actually live in Arizona, which he hates, so he’s even more desperate and crazy than usual. What kind of maverick-y bullshit stunt can he pull to remind Arizona voters just how shamelessly he’ll beg for re-election? He’s bringing the Snowbilly to the desert! MORE »

Hollywood sideshow Sarah Palin got to do a comedy spot on Jay Leno’s new late-night informercial, Why You Should Dump GE Stock, but nobody laughed at her dumb bullshit, which she also didn’t write herself, because come on there are LITTLE PEOPLE to do those write-y things, she’s got shit to steal from the Red Cross Oscar Movie Charity Suite, she’s got reality shows to sell, gonna get her real-estate-mom hair all tarted up and tall again, by one of those fancy West Hollywood hairdressers who will just love her, and her beauty, until she doesn’t tip and then it’s going to be “THAT BITCH,” etc., but anyway when the weary, beaten old people who haven’t yet found the remote saw Sarah Palin do some jokes on the teevee, they heard laughter and delight! SCANDAL. MORE »

The grifter is a busy bee this week: “The as-yet untitled book by Palin, widely considered to be weighing a run for U.S. president, will feature selections of readings that have inspired her and portraits of people she admires.” Okay Willow, crayons are over there under the Taco Bell bags, get to work on those portraits of Reagan and the ESPN Sportscenter anchor guys (but not Olbermann). Bristol? Clip some shit out of those old Reader’s Digests and Sunset magazines Todd stole from the dentist’s office to insulate the garage. No not the ads you idiot, the inspirationals! [Reuters]

Snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin rolled into Los Angeles on Wednesday to perform as “Jack Hanna’s anger bear” on the Jay Leno program and to scoop up some more piles of fancy clothes and cosmetics that somebody else paid for, at this “Oscar gifting suite.” But what was her true, secret mission? To make even more money for Sarah Palin, and to collect even more free crap, and to maybe get the guy who produced that Survivor game show to make a special reality show about her, Sarah Palin. MORE »

Famous dingbat Sarah Palin continues her exciting Publicity Tour of Middle America, and pretty soon she’ll be at the famous Giant Shopping Mall of Minnesota. Interested in covering her appearance? Well if you are, there’s a good chance you’re some kind of “reporter” or “communist.” What’s that? You speak the French? Then kindly go the fuck back to Russia because this is an AMERICAN event, for AMERICANS. Also, no questions or anything. Just watch her, quietly, for 10 minutes, and then get OUT come on this woman has books to sell! MORE »

How do you baffle a not-too-smart nation of people who aren’t really much into book-learnin’? Have competing publishers release similarly-titled books about popular idiot Sarah Palin! Not even counting the “I’m buying this only for ironic reasons” crowd in Brooklyn and Silver Lake, there is apparently total chaos in bookstores, as people who’ve only previously visited bible shops in the strip mall out by the edge of town are now pouring into the Borders and B&N or even trying their hand at “the Amazon,” with pitiable results. MORE »

Sarah Palin’s least-favorite almost-son-in-law Levi Johnston will not vanish from the public eye, ever! He’s doing a photoshoot with a website called Playgirl, which, despite its gender specific name, is actually a site for gay men who like to look at photographs of other men, naked. There is nothing wrong with this! And, you know, we are pretty happy that of the two unlikely Wasilla-based media sensations of September 2008, Sarah Palin is now an unemployed twitterer and Levi Johnston is the celebrity (?) of September 2009. Who could’ve predicted it? [Gawker/Violet Blue/The Sword]

Alaskan teen Levi Johnston is famous for banging one of Sarah Palin’s daughters in Sarah Palin’s house in a special fuck room Sarah Palin created for the children, and ever since America has turned to Young Mr. Levi for tawdry details of the Palin Lifestyle. The latest, from some awful celebrity shit site: Todd and Sarah got some terrible marriage problems! MORE »

Sarah Palin is so super-maverick-y now that she won’t even honor her vow to make a speech at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, where she was scheduled to speak at the Simi Valley Republican Ladies Group Fund-raiser for Republicans, a very widely reported exciting event that was to be her first public appearance since just quitting the governorship of Alaska because fuck those people, right? MORE »

The trade journal Inside Radio reports: “While not exactly shopping the GOP’s 2008 vice presidential candidate, sources say Palin representatives have been quietly testing the waters to see how much interest radio syndicators have for her.” Perfect! This is how Palin does everything now: passive-aggressively “gauge interest” and if people don’t kiss your ass enough, even though you commit to nothing, just say Fuck ‘Em and move on to the next assholes who won’t give you the proper respect. Then you can write a poem about it, on Twitter. [Inside Radio via Political Wire]

LIBERAL MEDIA DESECRATES SARAH PALIN AGAIN! “Indeed, if political figures stand for ideas, victimization is what Ms. Palin is all about. It is her brand, her myth. Ronald Reagan stood tall. John McCain was about service. Barack Obama has hope. Sarah Palin is a collector of grievances. She runs for high office by griping.” [Wall Street Journal]

Oh, surprise, Sarah Palin was for Cap and Trade before she was against it, on Monday, in the neocon pamphlet the Washington Post. This is just one more reason why she will become President of Earth in 2028. [Thanks to "Dwight I." for the tip.]