Here’s some funny-in-retrospect advice to Hillary Clinton from Sarah Palin! She was at some conference thing in March 2008, five months away from McCain’s doomed decision to make her his running mate, when Karen Breslau of Newsweek asked her about Hillary getting beat up in the primary battle against Obama. MORE »

How did you spend the Fourth of July? Maybe having a BBQ with friends and family, watching a fireworks show, and generally enjoying a happy patriotic holiday? Batshit-insane American Quitter Sarah Palin ended her own special “Independence Day” by posting a series of desperate grammar-challenged nonsense and vicious threats on her Facebook and Twitter pages. Really. MORE »

Courtesy of Wonkette commenter Atheist Nun, here’s your Fourth of July Blingee, featuring history’s lamest whining quitter. Whether Sarah Palin will be indicted and put in prison forever or not, we will always appreciate her, in our hearts, for ruining the teabaggers’ big plans to have all 500 teabaggers meet in a park somewhere to complain about having socialist parks where they can meet. Sorry, teabaggers! Happy Independence Day, everybody! Click the to watch Barack Obama’s happy July 4th video e-card! MORE »

WIN OF THE AFTERNOON: In the middle of this monster Palin Chaos Theory post, commenter-person Alaska Girl reminds us why Sarah Palin’s latest “I’m gonna take my ball and go home” move is standard Wasilla Snowbilly behavior: “She didn’t finish her term as mayor, stepping down to run for Lt. Governor. She didn’t finish her term on the petroleum board ethics panel, she resigned in protest and then ran for Governor. She doesn’t want the office, she just likes running for office. She doesn’t want (can’t actually) accomplish anything, she just wants to talk about it.”

First of all, Sarah Palin, go to HELL for ruining your editor’s day of patriotic rest and BBQ. Second, why did you really quit, crazy lady? We admit to “jumping to conclusions” (trying to hurry up and get back outside to our cocktails and friends), but the story may be more complicated than “Sarah Palin is a sociopath who will just quit being governor of Alaska THREE-AND-A-HALF YEARS before the next presidential election, just to show her, uhm, Leadership Credentials, which means constantly yelling at David Letterman about a joke she couldn’t comprehend.” But there are so many more crazy theories about America’s craziest Alaskan Anger Bear, the snowbilly grifter and strip-mall Ice Queen of Wasilla. Let’s examine them, together! MORE »

CAN’T CALL HER ‘DROPOUT’ NO MORE: Hey everybody, America’s favorite Alaskan teen mom graduated high school after all! Hopefully she’ll follow in her mom’s footsteps: Five community colleges, a BA in journamalism, and then kill off whatever’s left of the GOP. Mazel tov, Bris! [People/Gawker]

Remember Sarah Palin, the briefly famous wingnut lady who can’t speak, can’t read and can’t even remember the name of a single newspaper she pretends to read every day? Yeah, she’s getting millions of dollars from HarperCollins to write her “memoirs.” Jesus. She hired a lawyer last year (after she lost the election for McCain) to go after an $11 million advance. MORE »

Oh look, snowbilly grifter and chronic liar Sarah Palin has done that predictable thing. Isn’t that cute, it’s just her second twat and she’s already whining about the Librul Mediaz. STOP IT. Also check out the Cheryl Tiegs/Sears-style neon Paint Shop Pro signature on her background image. Jesus, she is mentally a nine-year-old, isn’t she? [Sarah Palin Twitter]

Weren’t we just talking about Larry King? Yes we were! Well, the “king of all media” has some very special guests tonight, straight from the meth/moose/Taco Bell capital of the world, Wasilla. The singular Levi and Mercede Johnston will sit down this evening with Hollywood’s favorite death muppet, and dope-dealin’ mom Sherry Johnston is coming along for the ride. (The ride will be in an actual pickup truck, driven from Alaska. Sherry will be shotgun. Mercede likes to be closest to Levi, in the night.) MORE »

Not to be all Andrew Sullivan but WHAT THE HELL is Levi Johnston doing here, in May of last year, tenderly cradling supposed Sarah Palin child “Trig Palin” in this photograph taken in Sarah’s kitchen, days after Trig’s birth? And WHY was this photo shown on the Tyra Banks Program to illustrate teen father Levi Johnston holding his supposed son “Tripp Johnston,” supposedly birthed by Bristol Palin? And why is sister Mercede Johnston also photographed lovingly cradling this child she refers to as “baby brother,” (supposedly Sarah Palin’s supposed baby “Trigg Palin”) in the exact same Palin kitchen setting, on the same day? Look, we liked Twin Peaks, too, but this is just getting ridiculous. [Palin's Deceptions/Flickr]

This is going to go on forever — and eventually, it will involve the female participants wrestling in a vat of Taco Bell X-treme ketchup or whatever. Hooray! Now, lest you believe this is somehow “trivial” or “exactly what happens in much of America,” we want to remind you that this woman, Sarah Palin, intends to become President, somehow, and then she will install Trig as “Prince ‘o Peace,” and he will rule the world for 666 years, and then he will nuke it. He is made of nukes, Trig is.