Tag Archives: snowbilly grifter

  Saturday Night's All Right For Fighting

Palin Rumble Update: Palins Didn’t Start The Fight, They Just Finished It

Details still trickling in
More details continue to emerge regarding the Great Big Palin Brawl of ’14. We aren’t going to go into all the various he-said/she-said/she-screeched-like-a-demented-hellbeast scenarios, but the basics are that a whole bunch of Palins got into a punching match with a number of lesser mortals at a Sept. 6 birthday party in Anchorage, apparently because Track Palin took exception to the presence of a former boyfriend of young Arbor Day Palin. Read more on Palin Rumble Update: Palins Didn’t Start The Fight, They Just Finished It…
  jesus loves the little children but needs to see their papers

Sarah Palin Will Save These Brown Children From Obama Molesting Them? (Unclear)

Sarah Palin is just SO MAD at Barack Obama you guys, that she has been driven, for only the three zillionth time, to call for his impeachment because he is acting like a dictator and not telling the truth about the IRS or Fast and Furious. Or, wait, not those, this time around it’s because he has thrown open the borders to a flood of undesirables who are going to overwhelm our once-proud nation. Now, you might find this somewhat surprising, seeing as how just a couple weeks ago the half-term quitter was complaining that the Republican response to the border crisis had her thinking of quitting the party, but come on, that’s unfair, because two whole weeks! But this time she really means it, and says that Obama’s “unsecured border crisis is the last straw that makes the battered wife say, “no mas,” because apparently she stands with abused Latinas, just as long as they get their illegal asses and their filthy diseased children back across the border, pronto. Read more on Sarah Palin Will Save These Brown Children From Obama Molesting Them? (Unclear)…
  actually this one is real

Words That Say Mery Crismass From Ur Gal Me Sarah Palim

Hey besties, Wow, it’s Crissmass again! So fun, espcially here in AK (that’s alaskan for Alaska) where Santa Klaze has his summer home and its so dark in winter, it makes me sad but then I go Tanning and it helps a lot, and I look tan then too which also is helps ya know. The hole Palin clam is just doing so great, Todd has been working on his Snowmachine for it seems like a week and try and make it fly in the air like a fake bird, that’s what he said at lease but I think he just likes to whack on it with a hamer and smell how it smells, the grease fums. Barstow is working hard at her stuff, Willy is cooking a jello, Gakk is playing with his foot, And all the rest of them are also too. Read more on Words That Say Mery Crismass From Ur Gal Me Sarah Palim…
  Back To You Sarah ... Sarah?

Grift On, Grizzly Grammaw: Sarah Palin Returns To Fox News

Exciting boob toob newz! Sarah Palin will be rejoining Fox News as a “contributor!” Weirdly, the Vanilla from Wasilla, O.G. Sno B. Grifta has done nothing to make us laugh, cringe, weep, sigh, or howl at the moon THAT WE KNOW OF in the roughly one day since the network made the announcement. Patience is counseled. She has never let us down before. Others, yes, she has let down, with her constant quitting and losing. But she loves us, because we talk about her on the internet. But we do not talk about her adorable babies, unless they are dancing on the teevee or copping budz in a parking lot (allegedly?) If you are having trouble remembering who is this Sasha Fallon lady, let us remind you: Read more on Grift On, Grizzly Grammaw: Sarah Palin Returns To Fox News…
  grifter's downfall

Here Is Cranky Sarah Palin In A Muu-Muu Yelling At Olds

Wow. This is a very acerbic Sarah Palin dressed up in a classic batshit old hag “leopard print muu-muu, beehive and spectacles” ensemble as she practically snarls at the retirement home folk who were bussed in to nap through her speech at Disneyworld. (And oh look, she’s standing behind a sign that is exactly one vowel away from a teabagger spelling of the word “ripoff.”) Anyway, Sarah Palin is here to explain between resentful sighs and pauses filled with bitterness that the problem with the Occupy Wall Street movement is, ready for it, that it is just too entitled. Read more on Here Is Cranky Sarah Palin In A Muu-Muu Yelling At Olds…
  (grifter) evolution is real

Why Is Sarah Palin a Crazy Liberal Communist Now All of a Sudden?

BUT WHO WILL FIGHT THE GREEDY CORPORATE PIGS RUNNING THE COUNTRY? Haha, you thought, “the Wall Street protesters.” WRONG. “Sarah Palin” is the correct answer, ever since the five or so seconds ago when she vaguely tuned into the fact that the withered teat of her ruthless teabagger fearmongering is drying up, so she must find some other popular cause to exploit. Here is Sarah “Trotsky 2.0″ Palin speaking out against the American kleptocracy from the seat of its tyrannical rule at some random forum in South Korea: “Today, in my country, particularly in the last few years, a new seductive idea has come on the scene. It involves the growing collaboration between big business, big finance, big government and big union bosses.” Ha ha, kind of! Polls show that 145% of sane people would not characterize this phenomenon as either “new” or “seductive,” but that’s Sarah Palin for you, always with her finger on the pulse of America! Read more on Why Is Sarah Palin a Crazy Liberal Communist Now All of a Sudden?…
  wasilla family values

National Enquirer Says Sarah Palin Sexed Black Guy (Hint: Not Todd Palin)

WOAH HO HO! America’s newspaper of record The National Enquirer has a DEF-CON 4 WORLD EXCLUSIVE scoop: Sarah Palin had sex with a black guy, once, in the late 80s, right before she got married! THE CRAZY PART: Todd Palin, he is not black! Sarah Palin had sex with someone who is not Todd Palin! Todd Palin, he is also not Glen Rice, the famous NBA basketball star who says he had sex with Sarah Palin in 1987. Todd Palin, no one wants to have sex with him! Why wasn’t Todd Palin black enough for Sarah, in 1987? Reagan was president in 1987. This is Reagan’s fault, this entire story, this entire post, just like Reagan is to blame for everything that is unholy and decrepit and crumbling in America, starting with everything we have ever read about Sarah Palin and eventually ending there, too. Read more on National Enquirer Says Sarah Palin Sexed Black Guy (Hint: Not Todd Palin)…
  journalistic competitions

Chicago Tribune Gitmos Comic Strip For Talking Smack About Sarah Palin

Sarah Palin’s hated author-neighbor enemy Joe McGinnis will soon release his secret spy diary of sexy details about the Palin family’s Satanic backyard meth-gobbling rituals, and it is apparently super juicy, in terms of Sarah Palin being an awful moron! Blah blah, that is not the “news part,” because that is not “news.” The actual faux-controvery surrounding Sarah Palin’s mind-numbing existence today comes courtesy of the fact that McGinnis gave an advanced copy of the book to “Doonesbury” comic strip author Gary Trudeau, who pulled some random embarrassing anecdote from one of Sarah Palin’s old advisers as fodder for his most recent syndicated political cartoon. This is illegal, in journalism, according to the Chicago Tribune, which has removed the cartoon. Why? BECAUSE, UH, FACT CHECKING. Read more on Chicago Tribune Gitmos Comic Strip For Talking Smack About Sarah Palin…
  on pins and needles

Karl Rove Forces Media to Write Another ‘Will Sarah Palin Run?’ Story

Oh, look whose handlers discovered fish-eye lenses and sepia filters! Insipid reality teevee grandma Sarah Palin released another mind-numbing Internet home movie about signing autographs in Iowa to share, for whatever reason, who needs a reason? Rat-faced freak show Karl Rove excitedly predicts she released this video because she is finally planning to jump into the presidential race on September 3 at a major Iowa Tea Party remedial reading seminar that she will keynote, but we predict it’s because Sarah Palin still wants cash, and we will always be right. How do American voters feel about this exciting news? Read more on Karl Rove Forces Media to Write Another ‘Will Sarah Palin Run?’ Story…
  snowbilly innovations

Sarah Palin’s New Grandchild Here Six Months Early

See how time passes these days, faster than you thought it would, faster than the rules of the space-time continuum suggest they could, because Track Palin and his wife of three months, Britta, have a new baby! That is “the miracle of science” that the Palin family tree has discovered and been perfecting in their home meth labs recently, how to churn out a nine-month-old fetus a mere three months after a shotgun wedding. Can everyone even believe it? Maybe, for one second, because breeding is the main cash crop of the extended Palin family. Research and development is the lifeblood of company growth, etc. Oh well, whatever/congratulations! Read more on Sarah Palin’s New Grandchild Here Six Months Early…
  snowbilly greatest hits collection

Sarah Palin Proves Tea Party Not Terrorists, ‘Or Obama Would Pal Around With Us’

Oh look, it is the helmeted space turd Sarah Palin doing a greatest hits tour on Fox News. Is this a replay clip from 2008 talking to Sean Hannity? No, it is Sarah Palin reenacting one of her more popular Dances of Stupid in exchange for her Fox News gold coins. “The teabaggers can’t be terrorists, or Obama would be palling around with us, just like he used to pal around with domestic terrorists like Ayers and also Sha-vez and ol’ No Preconditions Ackmahdinnerjad and the rest of the world’s terrorists.” Does Sarah Palin even know what a terrorist or a domestic is? Yes, Katie, she reads all of them. What is she even talking about? Read more on Sarah Palin Proves Tea Party Not Terrorists, ‘Or Obama Would Pal Around With Us’…
  facebook newswire

Some Lady In Alaska Has Threats To Make About Debt Ceiling On Facebook

Apparently there is a marginally employed woman on Facebook who lives in Alaska and grows children and has opinions about things, lots of them, about political things. Oh look, she found something about politics in her “Saved Documents” folder from last year, she’ll throw that up on the Internet, some sort of rant about the security situation in Iran and ducks. Yes, fine, we are referring to Sarah Palin, but you already knew that because there are no other people living in Alaska besides Sarah Palin and the ghost of Joe Miller’s campaign. Haha, just kidding, probably there are! But Sarah Palin has done such a good job of co-opting the state’s name that we can just write “any random yahoo in Alaska,” and you know we mean Sarah Palin. A good homework assignment for Alaska would be to fix their branding problem. Anyway, Sarah Palin/Alaska ordered her Tea Party minions in Congress via her Facebook command post to read her long stupid 2010 rant first and then NEVER BACK DOWN if they’d like to be re-elected ever again. That is her threat, “everyone loves contested primaries” so now read Sarah Palin’s rant. Read more on Some Lady In Alaska Has Threats To Make About Debt Ceiling On Facebook…
  she wins by losing

Sarah Palin Movie Boasts Solid 0% Rating On Rotten Tomatoes

Comic book supervillain film The Undefeated was released in theaters on Friday to exactly the amount of excitement visible on the faces of trapped subway car passengers standing next to someone who has just farted. Movie ratings site Rotten Tomatoes confirms this.  [Rotten Tomatoes] Read more on Sarah Palin Movie Boasts Solid 0% Rating On Rotten Tomatoes…
  the all-important snowbilly sticker news report

Sarah Palin Spent $14,000 Of Other People’s Money On Stickers

Hooray, is the Internet pooping out more documents filled with juicy details about Sarah Palin’s pointless and yet self-serving political projects? Why yes! Palin’s latest SarahPAC filings with the FEC are a Political Topic today, because everyone’s favorite grifter quitter queen spent $14,000 just for the goofball decals on her “Road Accident Death Tour of America” bus, which is GEE, A LOT OF MONEY to pimp out the RV for a “family vacation,” which is what Sarah Palin told everyone this was, over and over. What else does $14,000 buy these days that would be more fun than a shitload of stickers? A temporary tornado victim shelter? A year or two of vocational school? Two warehouses full of methamphetamines? We do not know, we have never seen this much money at one time. Read more on Sarah Palin Spent $14,000 Of Other People’s Money On Stickers…
  hypotheticals

BREAKING Newsweek Cover Story: Sarah Palin Still Not Running

We applaud Newsweek on the headline “I Can Win” for their cover story about Sarah Palin, a person who is not actually in competition for anything and does not care to change out of her jogging outfit for a cover story photo shoot. If only there were something for Sarah Palin to compete at, to win? Palin said this “I can win” line to the reporter in Iowa, where there are certainly no competitions happening, so that’s too bad, but Sarah Palin would win if she were in Iowa, competing at something.  So, thanks Newsweek for that breaking update. Here is the rest of the interview in one sentence: Sarah Palin is upset the price of beef jerky has gotten so high, she does not want Piper to get her hair cut, and she cannot show up for one single thing on time or tell anybody where she is. Hooray, we knew all those things. Read more on BREAKING Newsweek Cover Story: Sarah Palin Still Not Running…