Famous dingbat Sarah Palin continues her exciting Publicity Tour of Middle America, and pretty soon she’ll be at the famous Giant Shopping Mall of Minnesota. Interested in covering her appearance? Well if you are, there’s a good chance you’re some kind of “reporter” or “communist.” What’s that? You speak the French? Then kindly go the fuck back to Russia because this is an AMERICAN event, for AMERICANS. Also, no questions or anything. Just watch her, quietly, for 10 minutes, and then get OUT come on this woman has books to sell! MORE »

How do you baffle a not-too-smart nation of people who aren’t really much into book-learnin’? Have competing publishers release similarly-titled books about popular idiot Sarah Palin! Not even counting the “I’m buying this only for ironic reasons” crowd in Brooklyn and Silver Lake, there is apparently total chaos in bookstores, as people who’ve only previously visited bible shops in the strip mall out by the edge of town are now pouring into the Borders and B&N or even trying their hand at “the Amazon,” with pitiable results. MORE »

Sarah Palin’s least-favorite almost-son-in-law Levi Johnston will not vanish from the public eye, ever! He’s doing a photoshoot with a website called Playgirl, which, despite its gender specific name, is actually a site for gay men who like to look at photographs of other men, naked. There is nothing wrong with this! And, you know, we are pretty happy that of the two unlikely Wasilla-based media sensations of September 2008, Sarah Palin is now an unemployed twitterer and Levi Johnston is the celebrity (?) of September 2009. Who could’ve predicted it? [Gawker/Violet Blue/The Sword]

Alaskan teen Levi Johnston is famous for banging one of Sarah Palin’s daughters in Sarah Palin’s house in a special fuck room Sarah Palin created for the children, and ever since America has turned to Young Mr. Levi for tawdry details of the Palin Lifestyle. The latest, from some awful celebrity shit site: Todd and Sarah got some terrible marriage problems! MORE »

Sarah Palin is so super-maverick-y now that she won’t even honor her vow to make a speech at the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library, where she was scheduled to speak at the Simi Valley Republican Ladies Group Fund-raiser for Republicans, a very widely reported exciting event that was to be her first public appearance since just quitting the governorship of Alaska because fuck those people, right? MORE »

The trade journal Inside Radio reports: “While not exactly shopping the GOP’s 2008 vice presidential candidate, sources say Palin representatives have been quietly testing the waters to see how much interest radio syndicators have for her.” Perfect! This is how Palin does everything now: passive-aggressively “gauge interest” and if people don’t kiss your ass enough, even though you commit to nothing, just say Fuck ‘Em and move on to the next assholes who won’t give you the proper respect. Then you can write a poem about it, on Twitter. [Inside Radio via Political Wire]

LIBERAL MEDIA DESECRATES SARAH PALIN AGAIN! “Indeed, if political figures stand for ideas, victimization is what Ms. Palin is all about. It is her brand, her myth. Ronald Reagan stood tall. John McCain was about service. Barack Obama has hope. Sarah Palin is a collector of grievances. She runs for high office by griping.” [Wall Street Journal]

Oh, surprise, Sarah Palin was for Cap and Trade before she was against it, on Monday, in the neocon pamphlet the Washington Post. This is just one more reason why she will become President of Earth in 2028. [Thanks to "Dwight I." for the tip.]

It’s Liz Glover! Hi Liz, to whom are you speaking to on the videophone today? Ah, it is Questlove from The Roots, in DC for the Rock the Bells deal, with some important conspiracy theories about Sarah Palin and the RNC! MORE »

Read the boring old ghost-written industrial-lobby press release “op ed” under Sarah Palin’s byline in the Washington Post today if you want the neocon elitist version of the Alaskan idiot. For the real “Let Sarah be batshit Sarah” Palin, you must look (with horror) upon her Twitter page. MORE »

SHUT UP, CLOWN-MOOSE: Erratic wingnut Sarah Palin is ready to rehabilitate her comical image! Only 23% of Americans approve of this fame-crazed snowbilly grifter — Hi, Republican base! — so it’s time for Palin to “write” an op-ed for the important neo-con pamphlet The Washington Post. It’s an unfunny collection of super-short paragraphs about how Obama will destroy America by, uh, let’s see, how about that cap-and-trade stuff nobody in this country understands, even though it might help the Earth, as far as the Melting? Thank Allah the entire WaPo copy desk spent a few days on this thing, so it wouldn’t read like Sarah’s late-night dumbass Twitters. [Washington Post]

With wingnut witchcraft, Twitter, tanning, book banning, dope smoking, creationism, anti-terrorist pallin’, gay-convertin’ and progressin’ her state by quittin’ her state job as governor, Sarah Palin was the meanest, dumbest box of hair to take the national stage since Abraham Lincoln ran one of his famous coonskin-cap-clad “Lincoln Logs” for Congress, as a joke. Enjoy all one-hundred hilarious reasons why our Snowbilly grifter and Alaskan Anger Bear was really what America deserved. [True/Slant Idiocracy Index]

Here’s some funny-in-retrospect advice to Hillary Clinton from Sarah Palin! She was at some conference thing in March 2008, five months away from McCain’s doomed decision to make her his running mate, when Karen Breslau of Newsweek asked her about Hillary getting beat up in the primary battle against Obama. MORE »

How did you spend the Fourth of July? Maybe having a BBQ with friends and family, watching a fireworks show, and generally enjoying a happy patriotic holiday? Batshit-insane American Quitter Sarah Palin ended her own special “Independence Day” by posting a series of desperate grammar-challenged nonsense and vicious threats on her Facebook and Twitter pages. Really. MORE »