Tag Archives: snowbilly

  snowbilly divorce ethics

Sarah Palin Worried About Oil Money Conflict of Interest In Her Divorce

Way back in 2007, when Wonkette was literally the only national media actually covering Sarah Palin and her ridiculous role as John McCain’s vice-presidential candidate was still just a stain in Bill Kristol’s underroos, the Wasilla grifter was already planning her divorce from amiable extremist dolt Todd Palin. Emails finally released on Thursday show Sarah was scheming even then, and wondering if her divorce from Todd — a laborer on the North Slope oil fields — would somehow lead to charges of conflict of interest because of Governor Sarah’s “drill baby drill” policies. None of this makes any sense, because Sarah Palin is a lifelong idiot. But she is consistently phony and amoral, when it comes to “family values,” at least! Read more on Sarah Palin Worried About Oil Money Conflict of Interest In Her Divorce…
  uhhh

Wasilla Authorities Censor Giant Vagina

Local authorities in the exurban slush slum of Wasilla, Alaska, have taken direct action to stop a large, weird vagina from getting any additional media attention. The Mat-Su Frontiersman (?) reports: Read more on Wasilla Authorities Censor Giant Vagina…
  america's last days

Sarah Palin Movie … Nominated For An Oscar? (OH WAIT NOT REALLY)

Can the Wasilla Grifter possibly get another five minutes added to her expired fifteen minutes of infamy? Well, yes, of course. Besides, her fifteen minutes actually turned out to be three-and-a-half years, which is pretty substantial for an aging snowbilly grandma whose one and only talent was being less physically repulsive than John McCain, back in 2008. Anyway, that awful feature-length commercial for Palin’s nonexistent presidential campaign, Undefeated, has been nominated for an Academy Award (TM) … and not even in the expected categories of Animated Feature Film or Hilarious Costume Design. UPDATE FROM SOMEONE WHO KNOWS ABOUT MOVIES: Ha, thank Christ, it’s a different movie also called the same thing, Undefeated. Whew. Read more on Sarah Palin Movie … Nominated For An Oscar? (OH WAIT NOT REALLY)…
  grifter´s downfall

Sarah Palin Reduced To Hosting Dinners At Disneyworld

Damaged-goods dingbat Sarah Palin is so unpopular and forgotten these days that only Florida’s state GOP wants her around, at a trade-show rubber-chicken dinner, at Disneyworld. Palin has apparently accepted an offer to jabber for a few minutes in exchange for a platter of convention food and a bag of soiled dollar bills. But she’s not even the Star Attraction! According to the event’s flyer, printed out in Microsoft Word by a temp employee, evil cue-ball Rick Scott and one of his fake minions (“chairman Lenny Curry,” sure) are the actual headliners. Read more on Sarah Palin Reduced To Hosting Dinners At Disneyworld…
  sarah palin & her love of money

Sarah Palin Resurrects Bus Tour For Fried Butter, Other Surprises

Oh hooray, it’s Snowbilly Grifter Grandma and her bus tour, rolling across the ruins of the American Dream once more. What was this bus tour called, again? The Trail of Tears? Probably something like that, and we were close to believing that Sarah Palin had really decided to snowshoe her way back to the wilderness and forget about the whole thing, to bask in the glory of her family’s endless procreation. Really, though, she was just “reloading” before her big drive back to Iowa, where maybe she will give another speech or interview about how she is not running for President. She is doing this down the street from the Ames straw poll, because when Sarah Palin does not get invited to terrible parties, she holds her own even more terrible parties just down the street, except with more Freedom and screeching. Read more on Sarah Palin Resurrects Bus Tour For Fried Butter, Other Surprises…
  hahahahaha

Sarah Palin Movie Suffers Like Its Protagonist From a Case of the Quits

In spite of record heat waves and the rising cost of air conditioning bills that make repeated trips to the movie theater perhaps a sensible alternative to heat death, moviegoers across America still found the courage to give Sarah Palin horror flick The Undefeated a resounding middle finger for the second weekend in a row. The film took in a hilarious $24,000 from the 14 theaters where it is showing, a 63% dropoff from even its first pathetically miserable weekend. Why has Sarah Palin’s cult of sweaty white angerbear fans not scootered over en masse to theaters? The fines for being caught fapping in a public theater have gone up, we suppose. Well, so that experiment is wrapping up, and now the movie is going immediately to home video. Read more on Sarah Palin Movie Suffers Like Its Protagonist From a Case of the Quits…
  Repello Muggletum

Harry Potter Teen Devil Magic Annihilates Sarah Palin Home Movie

Faded reality-teevee grandma Sarah Palin was hoping her remaining fans — other bitter middle-aged white people who expect to get rich without working — would flock to the premiere of the new two-hour commercial/home movie about Sarah Palin. But in the Republican stronghold of Orange County, California, one of only ten theaters nationwide to release the propaganda last night had exactly one person in the audience. And that person was only there to write Harry Potter jokes about it, for The Atlantic. You see, last night was also the premiere of the last Harry Potter movie. And once again, the sexy powers of Witchcraft have obliterated the boring world of angry old unemployed people complaining about the Negro. Read more on Harry Potter Teen Devil Magic Annihilates Sarah Palin Home Movie…
  farmville for dummies

Any Random Sarah Palin Email Is Scandalous, As We Prove Here

The Guardian, America’s greatest paper that is actually a socialist paper from somewhere in England, has this fun gimmick where you can see an unseen Sarah Palin Secret Email just by clicking a button. It is like Farmville, but actually dumber than that. The very first random unseen email we saw was a blank page that said “State of Alaska” at the top. Somehow not scandalous! But the very next one has a scandal involving BP and a brother-in-law and the usual paranoid Palin bullshit. So, we figure exactly half of these emails — roughly 12,000 — are proof of Palin’s criminal snowbilly behavior. Put her in Gitmo before she emails again! Read more on Any Random Sarah Palin Email Is Scandalous, As We Prove Here…
  time-wasters

Stupid Palin Email Dump Media Frenzy Makes Fox News Poll Kind of Fun

Unlike everyone else furiously competing to uncover new humiliating details within Sarah Palin’s thousands of newly released emails like greedy children searching for a Wonka golden ticket, Fox News reporter Greta Van Susteren will just conduct this slanted, simplistic poll about whether the media is being annoying. The answer is still yes! Congratulations, Lame Stream Media, for the first time ever we’d rather read a Fox News poll than suffer through any more of this “Palin email liveblogging.” What vitally important national security information have we come across so far? Read more on Stupid Palin Email Dump Media Frenzy Makes Fox News Poll Kind of Fun…
  thrilla from wasilla

Sarah Palin’s ‘Rolling Menace’ Bus Tour Makes Everyone Hate Her More

More news about snowbilly grifter Sarah Palin’s rented bus stunt wreaking havoc with both the nation’s road safety and the GOP chances in 2012? Yes! Here is the first part, courtesy of the important webzine The Politico, which employs adults to drive dangerously behind Palin’s caravan: “As they left the clambake she attended Thursday in New Hampshire, Palin’s two-SUV caravan traveled at 52 miles per hour in a 35 mph zone as it peeled away from the hosts’ neighborhood. Both cars blew through a stop sign about a mile later. They did 70 mph in a 55 mph zone on I-95.” Clambake, eh? We thought that was some kind of sitting around a campfire at the beach sort of thing, like in LL Bean. No, because with Palin everything is a monster truck rally. And she is the monster. Read more on Sarah Palin’s ‘Rolling Menace’ Bus Tour Makes Everyone Hate Her More…
  history is now fixed

Palin Supporters Invade Wikipedia With True Story Of Paul Revere

Sarah Palin and her supporters are doing many idiotic things today, so here we are posting about her again. Upon hearing that their illiterate leader revised American history to tailor Paul Revere’s ride to reflect her NRA-themed wet dream about scaring off British soldiers by hollering and waving guns, Mama Grizzly’s supporters’ first reaction was to immediately try to change the historical record to match this account. So let’s see, where is all actual history stored? Wikipedia! Her supporters flocked to Wikipedia and furiously edited factual inaccuracies into the Paul Revere page, because Palin is never wrong, like the Pope. Read more on Palin Supporters Invade Wikipedia With True Story Of Paul Revere…
  the grifters are coming! the grifters are coming!

Sarah Palin Has No Idea Who Paul Revere Was, Or What He Did

Jabbering imbecile Sarah Palin and her rented tour bus continue to bring laughs to America. Here’s how she described Paul Revere’s famous 1775 secret horseback ride through the countryside where he quietly warned revolutionary conspirators of the British Army’s progress between Boston and Lexington, where they planned to arrest Samuel Adams and John Hancock: “He who warned uh, the British that they weren’t gonna be takin’ away our arms, uh by ringing those bells, and um, makin’ sure as he’s riding his horse through town to send those warning shots and bells that we were going to be sure and we were going to be free, and we were going to be armed.” You must watch this video from the local news in Boston. Read more on Sarah Palin Has No Idea Who Paul Revere Was, Or What He Did…
  small sad protests

‘Media Whore’ Sign Briefly Taped To Side of Palin’s Rented Bus

Why didn’t New Yorkers pick up Sarah Palin’s entire dumb bus with her dumb picture plastered across both sides and dump the thing in the Hudson, with her in it? New Yorkers are busy! They can’t be bothered to bodily evict every jerkoff wingnut who comes to town. Anyway, somebody taped a little teeny tiny sign on Palin’s rented bus. Read more on ‘Media Whore’ Sign Briefly Taped To Side of Palin’s Rented Bus…
  look at me/don't look at me

Sarah Palin Mystery Tour Game Begins

Here is something about the media: Reality TV star Sarah Palin feels they are not working hard enough. She will not be the kind of “conventional politician” who gives out schedules and press availabilities and makes everything so easy on lazy reporters with deadlines. No, she will be like Carmen Sandiego and everyone will be required to do some “investigative work” to figure out where she will go next on her vacation tour to snap crappy pictures for her SarahPAC blog. Read more on Sarah Palin Mystery Tour Game Begins…
  just like MLK jr.

Sarah Palin Honors Vets With Photo Of Herself On A Motorcycle

Happy Memorial Day! It is time to honor America’s War Heroes, meaning Sarah Palin. America’s favorite snowbilly grifter showed up Sunday at “Rolling Thunder,” a non-partisan organization which raises awareness of veterans’ issues through the display of motorcycles that run on Muslim-Arabian fuel. Palin attracted a crowd of rally-goers eager to honor Sarah’s service in foreign wars, we guess. Sadly, she didn’t get to make a speech thanking these people for honoring her terrible sacrifices, so instead she just scrawled the words “justice rolls” on her hand in ink. Is this biker-gang humor? Read more on Sarah Palin Honors Vets With Photo Of Herself On A Motorcycle…
  tacky!

Los Angeles Times Calls Sarah Palin ‘Special-Needs Case’

We sure hope Jonah Goldberg doesn’t quit in protest over this, but the Los Angeles Times just described Sarah Palin as a “special-needs case.” (Haha, Jonah Goldberg would never quit the one newspaper that would actually pay him for his dumb column. Money’s money, honey!) Anyway, this is an extremely exciting editorial in that it says something a) that everyone already believes but b) is about Sarah Palin, so Sarah Palin is somehow going to try to get David Letterman fired over it, and then call him a child molester. Anyway, please enjoy this excerpt from the column that will cause Palin’s fans to painstakingly cut out each advertisement in the Sunday paper and then try to “send it to Twitter” by stuffing it in the ‘puter’s drink holder. Never Forget! Read more on Los Angeles Times Calls Sarah Palin ‘Special-Needs Case’…
  just hangin' with da lord

Sarah Palin To Visit Israel, Where Jesus Lives

Haha, did you think she was really going away? NEVER. Not until the last nickel is grifted! Sarah Palin is doing an International Lecture Tour, which will consist of one speech (in India, because why not?) and then a second stop in Fox News’ closest strategic American ally, Israel. You don’t just “go to India,” wherever that is, without stopping at Jesus’ house. (Wait ’til she finds out Jesus is just some gay programmer who shares a flat in Tel Aviv by the dance clubs with his boyfriend, an Arab.) Why do wingnut Republicans considering a White House run always go to Israel? WE TOLD YOU IDIOTS ALREADY, because it’s where Jesus lives. Wait ’til she finds out those Israelis are all Jews! (Hopefully she will convert them real quick to the Church of Our Intolerable Wasilla Grifter.) Read more on Sarah Palin To Visit Israel, Where Jesus Lives…
  has-beens

Even Republicans Finally Tired of Sarah Palin

Aging reality-show diva Sarah Palin is finally suffering the fate of all talentless “famous for being famous” people: Her popularity is rapidly fading, and her days as an A-lister are forever in the past. This doesn’t mean she’ll ever have to actually work for a living — there will be infomercials for adult diapers, live appearances at regional strip-mall openings and other low-rent ways to bring in enough money to keep her far more comfortable than she deserves. But even Fox News is about to drop Palin from a lucrative on-air contract, as her nails-on-chalkboard voice and jabbering nonsense have never translated into ratings for the cable channel, and her unfavorable rating with Republican voters is now at an all-time high of 37%, worse than any other Republican talking about running for president in 2012. It only took two-and-a-half years of the most venal, vulgar behavior to chop Palin down to nobody size again, but now there’s at least the hope of seeing the Wasilla Grifter pushed off the national stage forever. Read more on Even Republicans Finally Tired of Sarah Palin…
  white trash dark skies

Alaska Is America’s Rape Land

Here’s something that won’t surprise anyone, but is still disgusting and horrible: Alaska is America’s Capital of Rape! Sexual assault is basically the main activity, following “drinking for seven or eight days straight because you can’t tell if it’s day or night” and “buying meth in the WalMart parking lot after buying pot and Taco Bell from the Taco Bell drive-thru” and “buying Oxycontin from Levi’s mom to come down.” Alaska! It’s America by Heart Force! Nearly half of Alaskan women say they’ve been beat up by their man (or woman?) and 37% say they’ve been raped. This is kind of incredible. If Alaska was a foreign nation instead of America’s mosquitoes & ice correctional colony, Bush would’ve invaded to protect their human rights! (And Cheney would’ve bombed every town to ruins — bombed into more “ruins” than Alaskan towns are right now, we mean.) Read more on Alaska Is America’s Rape Land…
  wasilla family values

National Enquirer Says Todd Palin Bangs Hookers

America’s favorite newspaper, the National Enquirer, has another gross scoop about political celebrities boning people they aren’t married to — this time it’s “first dude” Todd Palin, who is accused of repeatedly banging a hooker who was then arrested for being a prostitute. How will Sarah Palin turn this to her advantage? Easy: Everything is already about Sarah Palin, to Sarah Palin, and this is probably more about (or, er, not about, but not about in a more “about way,” personally) Sarah Palin than most things which are, in fact, only about Sarah Palin in her mind — because she is a delusional narcissistic sociopath who, based on nothing but her greed and lust for cable-news notoriety, believes she should run the world. Anyway, Todd! Who knew, right? He looked so gay! Read more on National Enquirer Says Todd Palin Bangs Hookers…
  palinsong

Another Patriotic Song For Sarah Palin (By the Wonkbot TSA-1138)

Did you love those creepy old people just cold doin’ Kountry Karaoke in the metal-building church with super-fine new lyrics all about how Sarah Palin has the hottest ass in the Grandma Department? Yah bay-bay us 2, also Wonkbot got its sex on & dropped this summer jam about how she want to get with Sarah, oh lawd, and her daughter, think her name is Bristol. Read more on Another Patriotic Song For Sarah Palin (By the Wonkbot TSA-1138)…
  blood libel blood libel blood libel

Wonkbot Fireside Chat: It Is Jewish Blood Libel To Annoy the Wonkbot

The Wonkbot was just kicking it old-style at its tacky lakefront tract McMansion up in some snowbilly suburb by the Taco Bell and Big Lots! and Home Depot and army recruiting strip mall shop and then the Wonkbot thought, “People somewhere are doing a Jew Blood Libel on me!” So here is the “state of the nation address” as delivered by some government surplus sex robot with its fireplace and burning American Flags. Read more on Wonkbot Fireside Chat: It Is Jewish Blood Libel To Annoy the Wonkbot…