Panic! There’s SNOW outside! As the federal government struggles to cope with this strange, cold, slippery water-like substance that’s coated every exposed surface of the city, employees everywhere are being sent home early — so no one’s reading us! MORE »

* Try as hard as you can to conquer your whiteness. Wu-Tang Clan (who, we hear, are nothing to fuck with), on the O.D.B. tribute tour, perform at the 9:30 Club. [9:30 Club]
* Go hit on an environmentalist at the Sierra Club’s Second Monday Valentine Happy Hour. Feel free to demand that whomever your flirting with write their contact information on a clipboard. [Upcoming]
* Go sledding before it all melts, fer chrissakes. And keep in mind that the only way to recapture that youthful spirit once you’re an adult is to get smashed first. It also loosens you up when you crash. [Rock Creek Park]

Two local youths, seen here paralyzed with blind panic at being surrounded by fluffy white snow (The Washington Post) MORE »