Wonkette

Did you have some sort of plans Tuesday night? Were you crushed by the Terrorist Ice Strom? Well here’s some of what your Wonkette cooked up for you during our nation’s only Maryland-Virginia-DC primary: MORE »

According to Shepard Smith, terrible ice-traffic problems exclusively targeted John McCain voters in Maryland on Tuesday night. Never has such horror been visited upon America since September 11, 2001. Thank god Shep was there to talk us through it all. [FOX News]

Apparently the weather hates freedom, because it is a bitch to get to the polls today. Snow, fog, thunderstorms…let’s see, can we get a plague of locusts somewheres? Rain of frogs, pustules of some sort? Oh looky there was a “rash” of traffic accidents in northern Wisconsin. With just a dab of “wintry mix” on his side, George Bush can be president forever! [AP/Google]

It is almost time, fellow citizens and concerned foreigners. In just a few hours, the very first results will be in from the very first attempt at actual voting in this long, terrible 2008 election season. Jim Newell and Liz Glover will continue freezing and taking Polaroids and avoiding the angry Paulian mobs. Here at Wonkette World Headquarters in the Second Life WTC, our team of analysts will be typing very quickly and just sort of guessing stuff, just like Chris Matthews, but you don’t have to look at our big pink heads. Go stock up at Ye Olde Liquor Marte and we’ll see you back at the computer at 8 p.m. sharp. (They end the voting at 8 p.m., is that right?)

PANIC! SNOW ON THE WAY! MORE »

MORE »

* “DC law requires residents to remove snow from sidewalks and steps within eight hours of daylight after the snow stops. Avoid overexertion when shoveling snow. Overexertion can bring on a heart attack–a major cause of death during the winter.” [DCist]
* “Valentine’s Day is a Christian corruption of a pagan festival involving werewolves, blood and fucking.” [Ross Notes]
* Closing prices from January home sales in Petworth. [Petworth News]
* “GWU IS A TERRIBLE UNIVESITY! Do you know how I know? Because I went there, and I just misspelled UNIVERSITY” [Pop Pop Bang]
* Careful with the mouseovers or you will get nauseated. [Near Southeast Washington DC Redevelopment/Revitalization]

Washington DC, the most powerful city in the world, was paralyzed last night by a deadly “wintry mix” of frozen water and slightly less frozen water. Upwards of two inches of the mysterious powder descended upon the city like white death, leaving buses running on emergency schedules, trains aflame, and major roads beset with vigilantes on tricked-out motorcycles. MORE »