Tag Archives: snow

  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Snowmageddonghazigate Hits New York, Impeach … Someone

'I can't feel my hands'
Monday’s Rachel Maddow Show was of course all Snowmageddonghazigate, and they started the hour with Rachel freezing outside at Rockefeller Center. Happily, unlike Chris Hayes, who had to do his whole show outside, Rachel has enough star power to get herself back inside after the first commercial break, and so here she is telling us that she can’t feel her hands, and then getting down to the serious business of talking about how the only time one of America’s three biggest cities had a female mayor (Jane Byrne in Chicago) came to office largely because her predecessor just plain couldn’t handle the giant snowstorm of 1978. And so there is much talk of snow and politics, as well as file footage of then-Governor Michael Dukakis in a perfectly darling sweater. “He’s a Von Trapp!” Read more on Morning Maddow: Snowmageddonghazigate Hits New York, Impeach … Someone…
  way down south where the timecube goes

Your Southern Snowghazi Conspiracy Theory: It’s Not Snow, It’s Chemtrails! Or Soylent Snow!

Lest you might worry that in today’s modern society of today, people are so jaded by technology and science that they have lost their sense of wonder and capacity to be amazed, watch this video of a South Carolina woman investigating for herself the strange properties of the alleged “snow” that fell on her area last week. Unlike normal snow, which people hold butane lighters up to all the time, this stuff doesn’t melt! In fact, it turns black and smells bad, like burning plastic. Or maybe burning butane! And so we have to ask: What is Obama up to? Read more on Your Southern Snowghazi Conspiracy Theory: It’s Not Snow, It’s Chemtrails! Or Soylent Snow!…
  it's morning in america

‘Cold Air Mass From Canada’ Attacks America, Never Forget

A devious “cold air mass” from Canada floated across our unprotected border and then proceeded to drop giant snow-dumps all over our great nation yesterday, forcing most Americans to abandon their SUVs on the highway and hike to the nearest toll station, so that they could eat the tollbooth lady for nourishment. First “Bieber fever,” and now this? Thanks, Canada. This winter terrorism attacked more than a third of The United States, from Maine to Dallas, which means the Super Bowl is canceled forever. (Fingers crossed.) Anyway, all this “cold” and “snow” proves Al Gore is a lying sack of shit, again! [NYT] Read more on ‘Cold Air Mass From Canada’ Attacks America, Never Forget… Read more on ‘Cold Air Mass From Canada’ Attacks America, Never Forget…
  snowpocalypse no

The Light Snow That Absolutely Decimated D.C.: A War Album

It snowed! Water! It fell from the sky and stuck to the ground! 500 million or so fewer inches of snow fell yesterday than fell during the Snowpocalypse, when D.C. was really knocked back to the stone ages; but the city was rendered helpless anyway, because that’s what always happens in your Nation’s Capital! Read more on The Light Snow That Absolutely Decimated D.C.: A War Album…
  it's morning in america

Arianna Huffington Nearly Blows Up Plane With Rude BlackBerry Use

After a long night of partying in Las Vegas with the CEO of Twitter (what?), Arianna Huffington boarded a plane to New York and then immediately began to play Angry Birds on her BlackBerry, which is not only rude but also against the law. (Arianna eventually turned off her dumb phone when asked nicely by flight attendants.) Anyway, somehow she got into a huge fight with another passenger, because of cellular phones. And then Arianna had to speak with the cops after her plane landed at LaGuardia. This is a statement released by “a spokesman” (unpaid journalist) who interns for free at Arianna Huffington’s content farm: “There was a passenger who seemed upset. Arianna thought he didn’t like the snacks. Guess not. Maybe he was an iPhone fan. As you know, the battle between iPhone lovers and BlackBerry users can get pretty heated.” Is this an actual statement released by an actual Huffington Post spokesman? Or is it today’s horoscope, on Huffington Post College? [Fox News] Read more on Arianna Huffington Nearly Blows Up Plane With Rude BlackBerry Use… Read more on Arianna Huffington Nearly Blows Up Plane With Rude BlackBerry Use…
  it's morning in america

Reptile People From the Future Will Eventually Read Sarah Palin’s E-Mails

For reasons which are all too clear, The Wretched State of Alaska has delayed the release of Sarah Palin’s governor e-mails fourteen times, and two more delays are pending! Why won’t Alaska’s bureaucrats let us read the gchat exchanges between Sarah Palin and the Bloomingdale’s panties that she purchased with Michael Steele’s American Express card? And will we ever have the pleasure of enjoying the frantic e-mails Palin sent to Planned Parenthood, when she found out Bristol was eight months pregnant? No. But Martian colonists will read about all of these things, in five hundred years. [McClatchy] Read more on Reptile People From the Future Will Eventually Read Sarah Palin’s E-Mails… Read more on Reptile People From the Future Will Eventually Read Sarah Palin’s E-Mails…
  it's morning in america

Evil White Substance Invades East Coast But Spares D.C. Cute Panic

Around this time last year, an HISTORIC EVENT that could “only” be described by the adorable moniker “SNOWPOCALYPSE” destroyed our nation’s capital, forever. Yesterday, a similar event occured in the Northeast, where such a thing is known as a “blizzard” or “above-average snowfall.” These northeasterners, strangely, did not immediately kill themselves so as not to face the horror of seeing a foot or two of menacing powder on the ground, and rather are working on getting it out of the way and going about their business. But that doesn’t mean D.C. shouldn’t panic anyway. The Washington Post has some helpful facts on how this has ruined Washington’s transportation networks for all of time. Hooray! [WP] Read more on Evil White Substance Invades East Coast But Spares D.C. Cute Panic… Read more on Evil White Substance Invades East Coast But Spares D.C. Cute Panic…
  cheap eats

The Snow Took Too Much From Us, We Must Eat Out To Be Whole Again

Restaurants are all annoyed because no one ate out during the Snowpocalypse. But they don’t want you to think it’s just about the money. Oh, please! You see, while you were home throwing snowballs at armed civilians (cops?), making vats of chili and working hard from your couch, you were not at restaurants, the only place where human interaction can occur. So in solidarity, a bunch of DC restaurants are participating in “Restaurants Unleashed Week” and offering discounts to help get you back out there and reconnected with the world. Read more on The Snow Took Too Much From Us, We Must Eat Out To Be Whole Again…
  cartoon violence

Snowpocalypse Now

By the Comics CurmudgeonOH GOD YOU GUYS HAVE YOU LOOKED OUTSIDE LATELY! There is, like, so much snow! Frozen water! Falling out of the sky! And accumulating, on the ground! YOU GUYS! And yet there’s supposed to be this whole “global warming” thing, which was going to turn the entire planet into a palm-tree-lousy paradise? People are angry! They’re feeling betrayed! Especially the ones who never believed in global warming in the first place! Why does Al Gore hate America, so very much? Read more on Snowpocalypse Now…
  daily briefing

It’s Like Attention-Starved Iran Doesn’t Even Understand At ALL How Much It Snowed Here

Germany and France will help out Greece so it does not have to default on its debt, which it is apparently on the verge of doing (?). [New York Times] According to the impartial observer Iran, Iran has successfully enriched uranium. [Washington Post] Read more on It’s Like Attention-Starved Iran Doesn’t Even Understand At ALL How Much It Snowed Here…
  bo knows snows

Bo Obama Is Just Cold Humping the Snow

While you were being gnawed to death by Ice Rats, the White House socialist Bo Obama Kennedy was just fooling around in the snow. Next week he’ll be on the cover of The Sports Illustrated with his snowy ass in the air as if he just did not care. Also, things he found under the snow on the White House lawn: a half-eaten empenada from Julia’s, Newt Gingrich’s latest divorced wife, Scott Brown’s secret 300-series Beemer, and, uh, health care legislation. All were pronounced dead at the scene. [White House Flickr] Read more on Bo Obama Is Just Cold Humping the Snow…
  isn't that just chris dodd?

KATHLEEN PARKER’S NEIGHBOR WILL SHOVEL YOUR SNOW: Don’t worry! The latest snowfall did not disrupt Kathleen Parker’s scheduled Washington Post column today. PHEW. It is about how men, like her USA Today columnist neighbor, enjoy shoveling snow for fun, while women only shovel snow because they have to. Similarly: men have penises, while ladies just have boobs. DCist is furious, at Kathleen Parker. SEXISM! STUPID WASHINGTON POST! [Washington Post] Read more on …
  daily briefing

Whatever Washington D.C. Is Doing To Displease The Clouds So, Just Stop

Today Iran began enriching its uranium for what are definitely nuclear-type purposes. [New York Times] Joe Jackson, the alive father of the dead pop star Michael Jackson, believes his son was killed in a conspiracy, which is a thing that commonly happens. [CNN] Read more on Whatever Washington D.C. Is Doing To Displease The Clouds So, Just Stop…