* Heard on the Hill: Folks who drank for free at Tuesday night’s Guinness-sponsored St Patrick’s Day party were cool, but if you tried to take the free cab home, you were in violation of House Ethics rules… Post reporter wanders onto House floor during first day on the job… Everyone loves Stevie Wonder… Senators are not very punctual, find it difficult to make it to the Capitol in time to vote. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Chuck Schumer’s “It’s Academic” team reunited. Breaking: Chuck Schumer was a tool in 1967 too… The BBC reported that some fake blog was actually written by Patrick Fitzgerald. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Rep. Dennis Rehberg admits to being illiterate… Thaddeus McCotter is holding a fundraiser tonight at the Chi-Cha Lounge so that he can smoke. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Sens. Clinton and Lott barely made it to the Senate in time for for the cloture vote in Iraq… Which Dem lawmaker’s leaked Dave Obey’s made-up info to the press? … José Serrano: funny guy! … Rep. Dutch Ruppersberger: 36th most liked member of congress… Wyclef loves Barry Obama. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: Jean Schmidt slipped and fell on vomit in a Cannon bathroom. Laughing out loud, etc. etc. [Politico]
* Rush & Molloy: Senator Arnold Schwarzenegger? God save us all. [NYDN]

* Heard on the Hill: Remember when that lady got hassled at the SOTU last year for her “Support the troops” shirt? Now that shirt is going to be in the Newseum. Rep. Gus Bilirakis regularly gets confused with his father, who used to have the seat… Rep. Fred Upton loves beer. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Remember the Scooter Libby trial? Sigh… Everyone wants a Marion Barry wax figure… Josh Bolten sang with Randy Travis at the Kuwaiti Embassy… Secret living room Thievery Corporation show party hosts revealed! [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: The Weekly Standard’s Stephen Hayes is penning a 400-page blowjob of Dick Cheney… You’re apparently not allowed to wear a kilt on the floor of the Senate. [Examiner]
* Washington Whispers: A letter from USNews to Senate offices was checked for Anthrax… Joe Lockhart bought a huge Kalorama house the day after Election Day. [USN&WR]
* The Sleuth: “John Boehner (R-Ohio) has been sneaking over to the National Democratic Club to smoke.” [WP]

* Heard on the Hill: There are racy pictures of that American Idol contestant from DC on the internets. She’s “cavorting” in the WWII Memorial fountain, for some reason… Scooter Libby partied with two young women at Poste Brasserie last Saturday. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Ted Kennedy apparently got a black Aston Martin for his birthday, but now his wife says it was a rental… Patrick Fitzgerald drove down to DC from Chicago just to prosecute Scooter Libby. How sweet of him! … Mark Foley finally sold his DC house. Made out pretty good, too. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: California Governor Ranier Wolfcastle suggests that a “smoking tent” in the Capitol would solve all sorts of partisan woes… Most congressional websites suck… Humorous typo on the White House dinner menu! [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Googling Giuliani for president” brings up a McCain ad… Obama’s children desperate to know why the hell they have to be in Iowa… Richard Lewis donated money to Joe Biden. Nothing makes sense anymore. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: Rudy’s interviewing tailors… McCain snubs CPAC… Al Gore: still puffy! [Politico]
* Inside the Beltway: GEORGE W. BUSH: DOUBLE-DIPPER. [WT]
* The Sleuth: Bob Ney’s chief of staff pleaded guilty, turns out Ney kept his dirty money in a safe in a his House office. [WP]

* Court upholds law insuring there will be no Guantanamo Redemption for the charming, good-natured inmates of that prison. [WP, NYT, LAT]
* Supreme Court says smoking kills, but it’s still cool. [WP, NYT]
* David Geffen sits in a booster seat at the booster dinner he hosted for Barry Hussein. [WP]
* One hundred Americans in a room, and only 9 of the most stoned think they trust President Bush to improve national healthcare. [WSJ]
* Ellen Tauscher looks like low-hanging moderate fruit to the gaping maw of California hippie bloggers. [WP]
* Jurors begin deliberations today in the trial of that lying liar Scooter Libby. We’ll let you know if you need to pay attention. [WP, NYT]
* White House calls reduction of British forces in Iraq, “a sign of success.” [LAT, USAT, Guardian]
* Maybe there are actually three things from Texas. [NYT]

* Reliable Source: Henry Rollins was going to come back, but then he didn’t. Dodged a bullet there, DC… Someone broke into Madeleine Albright’s car, took some quarters. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Some conservatives are apparently going to launch a “funny” “comedy” show… Robin Givens supports Obama. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: John Cornyn and Ted Kennedy introduce a bill to have tobacco regulated by the FDA — Obama co-sponsors. [Politico]

* If any Walnuts is gonna run for President, Arizona wants it to be Private Citizen Walnuts. [The Real McCain]
* Nancy Pelosi accused of copyright infringement for posting C-SPAN videos of herself talking, on her blog. Meta. [Instapundit]
* Terrorist Congressman calls police on fellow member trying to hot-box his office. [Think Progress]
* Tehran’s fashionistas wouldn’t be caught dead wearing a Persian or Jewish nose. [Political Pit Bull]
* Wall Streeters pressed into raising money for Giuliani consider a bikini car wash. [Political Insider]
* Air Force Officer with a porno-sounding name discharged for appearing in porno. [Outside the Beltway]
* Iraq veteran amputees reject déclassé prosthetics in favor of regrowing limbs with … wait for it … stem cells. [Blue Marble]

Keith Ellison (D, al-Qaeda), last seen flushing Thomas Jefferson’s Koran down the toilet after swearing upon it to destroy us all, then viciously attacking Virgil Goode on the floor of of the House while Dennis Kucinich looked on and laughed maniacally, is at it again. MORE »

Do you have Draft Obama fever? Well, take some Advil or whatever, because it’s time to drop the “draft” and make it official! Barry Hussein will announce he’s running for president at a special event on Saturday in Springfield, home of TV’s “The Simpsons.” MORE »

While the prohibition on black presidents has been (temporarily) repealed, presidents have not been allowed to be smokers for nearly half a century — JFK learned the hard way in Dallas, one of the earliest fanatical non-smoking cities. MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Rep. Peter Welch (D-Vt.) is trying to make his office carbon-neutral… Mike Pence claims the Colts won because Bush said something vaguely optimistic about their chances once. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were partying with Dan Snyder again! [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Oh no, Tommy Jacomo might not host lunch at The Palm anymore! … Don Fowler cursed out, almost beat down some journo. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Democrats spent all weekend drinking, dancing, not wearing ties… HBO now offering Stuart Saves His Family on demand in honor of future Senator Al Franken. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: You know what the difference is between you and rich, important people like Robert Gates? Robert Gates gets to smoke wherever the hell he wants… Rep. Ilena Ros-Lehtinen incredibly excited to meet, uh, John McCain. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Senator Mike Enzi wears a big diamond ring on his pinky. [WP]