Wonkette

There is a terrible “wagon” in politics that people ride when they don’t want to have fun anymore. When you are on this wagon, you do not smoke or drink or do amphetamines or masturbate. It appears that Barack Obama, having ridden in the non-smoking section of this wagon, has fallen off it, and now he is a secret Cigarette Goblin again. Except because he is famous, and running for president, this is not a secret to anyone. MORE »

Last week, John McCain released a medical dossier longer than Moby Dick that lingered in gruesome detail over his many benign polyps and lesions. This week, Barack Obama’s doctor revealed that in spite of a youth spent snorting powdery mounds of blow, the candidate is hale, hearty, and possessed of an enviably low triglyceride count. Find out more about Your Barry’s hot bod after the jump. MORE »

No one likes a good nic-fix as much as Barack Obama, who quit smoking in order to run for president but “fell off the wagon” a few times every day since. Now since everyone’s talking about how John McCain, 71, is likely to die of Old Cancer when he becomes president, why aren’t they mentioning that Obama will die of Smoke when he is president? MORE »

ABC News Senior National Correspondent Jake Tapper was on to Barack Obama’s resurgent smoking habit months ago, but the Obama campaign covered for the ever-more-desperate candidate as he wove a web of deception that eventually ensnared the nation in cancer and betrayal. Way back in August Obama was wandering around the Capitol reeking of smoke, and what did Obama’s people say when Concerned Jake asked about it? MORE »

Tonight we’ve got BREAKING news that St. Barack of Obama “fell off the wagon a few times” since he quit the cigarettes a year ago. This means he still has some “regular human” genes and that Hillary is sure to announce that she has started smoking weed again, at 3 a.m. MORE »

Never in his life has Barack Obama needed a cigarette more. What with Tony Rezko being on trial, his advisers telling Canada that his NAFTA support is a lie, and the media asking him questions about all of this stuff, Barry is getting mighty testy and could sob any minute. Is Barack the new Hillary? The evidence is leaning that way today, as he too is chiding the media for being mean to him. MORE »

This smokin’ hot new anti-smoking ad for ASH (Action on Smoking and Health) is, well, very very inappropriate! When Rudy fearmongers with 9/11, we hate him; when anti-smoking fearmongers with 9/11, do we hate anti-smoking also? Everyone smoke immediately — Barack Obama knows what’s up. [via Copyranter, full-size ad here]

Mere months ago, Washington’s favorite drunken Englishman put himself through a comical health & beauty regiment, including myriad arduous stop-smoking schemes. His unrepentant conclusion: “I am more than ever sure that it’s enough to be born once, and to take one’s chances, and to grow old disgracefully.” And yet, today we hear the shocking news that Hitchens has indeed given up his greatest literary prop. No, not booze. The other one. MORE »

While Republicans in Congress are groping around for new arguments to deny poor kids health coverage, brilliant young conservative minds are posting their ideas on YouTube. This video — which Michelle Malkin picked up yesterday — suggests that if we want an expanded SCHIP, all Americans will have to start smoking to pay for it. Fair enough.

SCHIP: Care Enough to Smoke? [YouTube]

Barry Hussein Obama has struggled with his addiction to cigarettes for years now. Or, specifically, struggled with making sure no one ever actually saw him smoking. And now he claims he’s quit! Which, good for him, though do we really want a guy with his finger on the button desperately jonesing for a cigarette? And he is jonesing, if this recent graphic from an Obama campaign email is any indication. You see, the more money you raise for him, the more cigarettes he will want to smoke. Or something.

[Is Something On Your Mind, Senator Obama? [HuffPo]