God, Obama, stop being a dick. We get it, you are all perfect and no longer smoke because you are “scared of your wife” (pussy). Does that mean you have to march up to people and be all “I hope you quit smoking,” no it does not shut up Jesus. That man is a grown […]

Time for another trip to the ol’ comment queue! Today, we begin with a reader who has had just about enough of Yr. Wonkette’s socialist notion that a million dollars after taxes is adequate compensation for a week’s work of hitting a ball with a stick. Our unfair attack on Phil Mickelson drew this comment […]

A Sudden Valley, Washington, man has been sentenced to 20 days for pulling a gun on a pregnant woman who was smoking a cigarette. Justin Dain Palmer, 25, pulled over his blue Dodge pickup truck to confront the smoking woman around noon Sept. 12, 2012, while she walked on the sidewalk … Through the open […]

Hello, nerds! Rebecca and I are ready and set to get up in this debate shit, on the real. Tonight is the most important night of Barack Obama’s life, in that he should just straight slam Five Hour Energy and then leap around onstage like he will seriously Seal Team Six the fuck out of […]

Herman Cain is a pumpkin-headed creepy narcissist businessman who likes to repeat single-digit numbers and say stupid things. For reasons he cannot begin to explain, this Washington lobbyist and shit-food merchant allowed the release of a “web commercial” that shows a dirty old man saying weird things about Herman Cain and then melodramatically smoking a […]

It’s a pretty slow news year so far, so it’s time to check in with First Lady Michelle Obama to find out if her husband is still sneaking cigarettes in that closet where Bill Clinton used to bang interns and Cheney planned 9/11. (The White House is gross!) Reporters gathered at the White House for […]

Ronald Reagan could do it. Even George W. Bush could do it. But Barack Obama — a 49-year-old multi-millionaire adult with two impressionable children and a somewhat high-profile public life — cannot stop smoking cigarettes. If Obama’s inability to stand up for anything he apparently (?) ever believed is still a mystery to the Americans […]

Our Savior is intent on collectively improving health by banning popular foodstuffs that are bad for us (we can call it “prohibition” since that has a great ring to it). If Obama can keep his BMI index thing so low and smoke all he wants, certainly you can do your President proud by picking up […]

Barack Obama went to see the medical droid and whoa boy, the newspapers are Outraged! Why? He’s 48 years old and still has safe cholesterol levels, healthy blood pressure and one of those “BMI” index things way under the standard American level of Obesity. Why does he hate real Americans? Also, why is he still […]

SAFETY FIRST  11:08 am August 6, 2009

Iraq To Ban Public Smoking

by Sara K. Smith

You know how many fun things there are to do in Iraq these days? Not so many! It used to be that, if you were a man, you could just chill out in public cafes and smoke your hookahs with other mustachioed dudes while you awaited the next random suicide bombing. But now the Iraqi […]

We did not liveblog this Obama press conference, sorry, but fear not! We hear that a website called the Internet has a good recap. TPM describes the President’s attitude as “testy,” and, that’s just how we like our Muslin cooked. Here’s an example of Obama being Testy in response to yet another human asking about […]

COMICS CURMUDGEON  11:08 am June 12, 2009


by Josh Fruhlinger

By the Comics Curmudgeon Look, one of the things we namby-pamby liberals get critiqued for is our inability to just stand up and show some moral courage, to say that some things are right and some are wrong. Usually we’re all like “Oh, there’s context” or “It’s society’s fault” or “Who are we to judge” […]

By the Comics Curmudgeon Last week your Comics Curmudgeon tackled two very important tropes in the world of political cartooning: pooping and huge boners. “Ha ha,” you say, “surely it can’t get any worse pooping and huge boners!” Well, just as attempted teenage furry statutory rape was soon topped by actually implemented furry dog rape, […]

In this Wall Street Journal boring article about how Europeans sure love cigarettes yadda yadda, we were intrigued by this paragraph calling Nazi Pope Joe “the Plumber” Ratzinger a known smoker! Is this some hilarious WSJ New Year’s joke? Because there is no evidence we can locate, outside of some obviously photoshopped images of Ratzi […]

There is a terrible “wagon” in politics that people ride when they don’t want to have fun anymore. When you are on this wagon, you do not smoke or drink or do amphetamines or masturbate. It appears that Barack Obama, having ridden in the non-smoking section of this wagon, has fallen off it, and now […]