You know how many fun things there are to do in Iraq these days? Not so many! It used to be that, if you were a man, you could just chill out in public cafes and smoke your hookahs with other mustachioed dudes while you awaited the next random suicide bombing. But now the Iraqi cabinet is putting a stop to that nonsense — the smoking nonsense, anyhow. MORE »

We did not liveblog this Obama press conference, sorry, but fear not! We hear that a website called the Internet has a good recap. TPM describes the President’s attitude as “testy,” and, that’s just how we like our Muslin cooked. Here’s an example of Obama being Testy in response to yet another human asking about his smoking. He tells her, “Fuck off, fraud,” and then cuts a few butts and kicks Chuck Todd in the tummy, to honor Neda. [YouTube, TPM]

By the Comics Curmudgeon

Look, one of the things we namby-pamby liberals get critiqued for is our inability to just stand up and show some moral courage, to say that some things are right and some are wrong. Usually we’re all like “Oh, there’s context” or “It’s society’s fault” or “Who are we to judge” or whatever. But sometimes, even the most consensus-addicted hippie has to take a stand. Today, your faithful Comics Curmudgeon will identify five cartoons that are simply incorrect. MORE »

By the Comics Curmudgeon

Last week your Comics Curmudgeon tackled two very important tropes in the world of political cartooning: pooping and huge boners. “Ha ha,” you say, “surely it can’t get any worse pooping and huge boners!” Well, just as attempted teenage furry statutory rape was soon topped by actually implemented furry dog rape, so too you will come to look back warmly at the innocent time known as “last Friday,” when the worst you encountered was Kim Jong-Il’s enormous missile-dingus. That’s because this week you will be confronted by creepy, fetishistic depictions of vomiting, and “tickle play.” Forewarned is forearmed! MORE »

In this Wall Street Journal boring article about how Europeans sure love cigarettes yadda yadda, we were intrigued by this paragraph calling Nazi Pope Joe “the Plumber” Ratzinger a known smoker! Is this some hilarious WSJ New Year’s joke? Because there is no evidence we can locate, outside of some obviously photoshopped images of Ratzi in a cloud of cancer, to suggest our crappiest pope indulges in this particular variety of sucking on cylindrical objects. MORE »

There is a terrible “wagon” in politics that people ride when they don’t want to have fun anymore. When you are on this wagon, you do not smoke or drink or do amphetamines or masturbate. It appears that Barack Obama, having ridden in the non-smoking section of this wagon, has fallen off it, and now he is a secret Cigarette Goblin again. Except because he is famous, and running for president, this is not a secret to anyone. MORE »

Last week, John McCain released a medical dossier longer than Moby Dick that lingered in gruesome detail over his many benign polyps and lesions. This week, Barack Obama’s doctor revealed that in spite of a youth spent snorting powdery mounds of blow, the candidate is hale, hearty, and possessed of an enviably low triglyceride count. Find out more about Your Barry’s hot bod after the jump. MORE »

No one likes a good nic-fix as much as Barack Obama, who quit smoking in order to run for president but “fell off the wagon” a few times every day since. Now since everyone’s talking about how John McCain, 71, is likely to die of Old Cancer when he becomes president, why aren’t they mentioning that Obama will die of Smoke when he is president? MORE »

ABC News Senior National Correspondent Jake Tapper was on to Barack Obama’s resurgent smoking habit months ago, but the Obama campaign covered for the ever-more-desperate candidate as he wove a web of deception that eventually ensnared the nation in cancer and betrayal. Way back in August Obama was wandering around the Capitol reeking of smoke, and what did Obama’s people say when Concerned Jake asked about it? MORE »

Tonight we’ve got BREAKING news that St. Barack of Obama “fell off the wagon a few times” since he quit the cigarettes a year ago. This means he still has some “regular human” genes and that Hillary is sure to announce that she has started smoking weed again, at 3 a.m. MORE »

Never in his life has Barack Obama needed a cigarette more. What with Tony Rezko being on trial, his advisers telling Canada that his NAFTA support is a lie, and the media asking him questions about all of this stuff, Barry is getting mighty testy and could sob any minute. Is Barack the new Hillary? The evidence is leaning that way today, as he too is chiding the media for being mean to him. MORE »