Tag: smoking

Fox Doc Keith Ablow Being A Jerk To All The Lazy, Potted-Up Millennials. That Is Wonkette’s Job!

Snotnosed Millennial brat thinks "Dr." Keith Ablow is not even the boss of him, whatever.
Sarah Palin calculates in her head how many of Bristol's "chances" will turn into out-of-wedlock babies.

Sarah Palin Explains Why God Keeps Getting Bristol Pregnant

If there's one thing Sarah Palin knows, it's the thoughts of God. She even wrote her own Bible! If there's one thing we're not sure either Sarah OR Bristol knows, it's how babbies are formed. When Bristol announced that an angel...
Happy birthday, you young thing!

Happy 54th, President Obama! You’re Still The Kenyan Muslim Infiltrator OF OUR HEARTS!

On this day 54 years ago, the long foretold Barack Hussein Obama was born in a remote field in Indokenyamuslimstan, the love child of the Prophet Muhammad and Beyoncé, who is a lot older than she looks. Everybody was so...
Bad president bad!

Nine Things President Obama Might Be Holding Besides This Dirty Pack Of Cigarettes

OH NO, President Obama is back behind the high school gym again, smoking all the cigarettes and rolling his eyes, maybe and allegedly! Cigarettes are a well-known slippery slope to getting potted up on weed and socializing America. Obama was...
Have you guys heard of New Hampshire?

Massachusetts Patriots To Local Health Board: Smoke Free Or Die

Central Massachusetts is Charlie Pierce's beat -- he grew up there, whereas Yr Wonket lived in the Commonwealth for a mere decade -- so if Pierce picks this story up, be sure to read him. With that said, we...

Ex-Smoker Obama Turns Into Giant Smoking Scold

God, Obama, stop being a dick. We get it, you are all perfect and no longer smoke because you are "scared of your wife" (pussy). Does that mean you have to march up to people and be all "I...

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Our Aggression Against Golf Will Not Stand, Man

Time for another trip to the ol' comment queue! Today, we begin with a reader who has had just about enough of Yr. Wonkette's socialist notion that a million dollars after taxes is adequate compensation for a week's work...

Washington Man Sentenced For Dispensing Armed Anti-Smoking Message

A Sudden Valley, Washington, man has been sentenced to 20 days for pulling a gun on a pregnant woman who was smoking a cigarette. Justin Dain Palmer, 25, pulled over his blue Dodge pickup truck to confront the smoking woman...

‘Bout To Get Rowdy Rowdy And Debate It ‘Bate It

Hello, nerds! Rebecca and I are ready and set to get up in this debate shit, on the real. Tonight is the most important night of Barack Obama's life, in that he should just straight slam Five Hour Energy and...

Least Cool Person In America, Herman Cain, Decides Smoking ‘Is Not Cool’

Herman Cain is a pumpkin-headed creepy narcissist businessman who likes to repeat single-digit numbers and say stupid things. For reasons he cannot begin to explain, this Washington lobbyist and shit-food merchant allowed the release of a "web commercial" that...

Top Ten New Obama Habits Since He ‘Quit Smoking Last Year’

It's a pretty slow news year so far, so it's time to check in with First Lady Michelle Obama to find out if her husband is still sneaking cigarettes in that closet where Bill Clinton used to bang interns...

Obama’s Inability To Quit Smoking Proves He’s Morally Weak

Ronald Reagan could do it. Even George W. Bush could do it. But Barack Obama -- a 49-year-old multi-millionaire adult with two impressionable children and a somewhat high-profile public life -- cannot stop smoking cigarettes. If Obama's inability to...

Mandatory Suggestions For Eating Well In DC

Our Savior is intent on collectively improving health by banning popular foodstuffs that are bad for us (we can call it “prohibition” since that has a great ring to it). If Obama can keep his BMI index thing so...

SCANDAL: Obama Still Chewing Nicorette

Barack Obama went to see the medical droid and whoa boy, the newspapers are Outraged! Why? He's 48 years old and still has safe cholesterol levels, healthy blood pressure and one of those "BMI" index things way under the...

Iraq To Ban Public Smoking

You know how many fun things there are to do in Iraq these days? Not so many! It used to be that, if you were a man, you could just chill out in public cafes and smoke your hookahs...

Obama Should Smoke During Press Conferences And Ash On This Lady’s Lap

We did not liveblog this Obama press conference, sorry, but fear not! We hear that a website called the Internet has a good recap. TPM describes the President's attitude as "testy," and, that's just how we like our Muslin...