YOUR LATE NIGHT SHOTS PARTY WEEKEND SCHED, BRO: Pro-laxin’, bro. “LNS will once again be taking its chartered bus out to Bayhawks Stadium for this Saturday’s pro lacrosse matchup. The day starts at Rugby at 4, the luxury party bus leaves 5:45, faceoff is at 7, and all LNS ticket holders get free beer for the entire game. The nightcap post party will be held at Smith Point in Georgetown. We have spots for about 18 more washed-up ex-lacrosse players (male or female) who enjoy drinking cans of Bud Light while listening to Christopher Cross, Go West, Billy Idol and AC/DC.” But what about the hipster chicks and their “lithe vegan bodies,” dood? Who cares about those sluts, bro. Get your lax tix here, dood. [LNS Weekly]

Are you lonely on Valentine’s Day? The closed social-networking All Stars at Late Night Shots are planning an “Anonymous Love Party” at Smith Point, and you can dedicate power ballads, to no one. [LNS]

“I think Tucker just wanted us to know that underneath the bow tie and stick-up-his-spine (ahem) Dancing With the Stars performance last year, he’s a 100 percent, red-blooded American man, with a capital ‘M’ for macho. I agree with you. If he felt that threatened he should’ve left the police to handle it. He says, by the way, that the guy was arrested — I’m assuming his assailant didn’t counter-charge Tucker and his ‘friend’ with assault. I’d like to challenge Tucker to produce a police report, though, and share exactly what Georgetown bathroom he was in … was it, like, Georgetown Park or Smith Point?” [Washington Post]

Please, DC cabbies, install little video cameras and send us the footage!

Shared a cab…refused to give you my number…. - w4m
Reply to: pers-274090894@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-02-05, 10:50PM EST

So we shared a cab ride back to Rossyln…stopped at a gas station…drank a bottle of wine….I was wasted you were so nice….I feel sooo bad….and I didn’t give you my number…but your really cute….and this is really gay….so I hope you respond
Location: Smithpoint

This is actually the complete opposite of “gay,” but what do you expect from Smith Point regulars? MORE »

Beloved capitool bar Smith Point is on fire! DCFD is on the scene! Late Night Shots people are blaming, obviously, this website! Here are some comments: MORE »

This week’s revue of the Late Night Shots forum features a brilliant moment of self-critique. Just for a moment, the LNSers saw the seams of their 1980s fantasy cocaine internet club. It calls to mind Anais Nin: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

We grow weary of this charade. Look forward to spotty coverage of the LNS forums until they do something extraordinarily funny again.

Until then, ride the wave of “women-are-retarded” with Intern Lauren — one last time.

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* Reliable Source: Grandpa Huxtable turned on the Norwegian Embassy’s Xmas Tree, ’cause dude loves Norway… Joan Collins goes to the Press Club, forgets name of own book. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Columbia College Republicans have new shirt that is kinda funny, kinda sad in light of midterm election results… Midterm losers have until Friday at noon to vacate their offices. After that, they get a cubicle with room for one member at a time… Smith Point owner to start new bar described as Smith Point for middle-aged people. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Did you hear? Jim Webb had some sort of altercation with George W. Bush… Pretend Rep. “Sherri Davis almost as amusing as real fake Rep. Shelley Sekula-Gibbs. [The Hill]

Little boxes made of ticky-tacky, and they all look just the same.

Have you heard about Late Night Shots? It’s kinda like Facebook for monied mid-20s frat hill staffer types and the blondes who follow them around. Last night, they held a date raffle at your favorite bar and ours, Smith Point. You too could take home Reed Landry for $5 bucks! Because we were drinking for free, we sent poor, abused Intern Nick to cover the proceedings. His photographs and exclusive report are after the jump.

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• Al Sharpton’s descent into madness reaches new milestone with incorporation of the “Space Jam” theme song into Connecticut rally speech. [Hartford Courant]

• Dilbert creator longs to be a cog in the machine. [Dilbert Blog]
• A convenient truth: global warming is producing new premium beers. [BBC]
• Intern humiliates DHS by creating informative website in two flip-flop-wearing months. [Boing Boing]
• If Smith Point advertised on television, this it what it would look like. [Logged Hours]
• Some days Tony Snow wishes he was still asking the questions, instead of not answering them. [Boozhy]
• National Conservative Student Conference peddling masturbatory fodder to “baby wingnuts.” [Pandagon]

Click, enlarge, RSVP. MORE »

FOR THE RECORD: Richard Wolffe was not getting shot down by Austrian chicks while clubbing in Vienna. He was totally scoring at Smith Point, bitches. It’s the accent — guh-rowl! MORE »