Tag Archives: smegma

  one bourbon one scotch all the beers

Is Rick Santorum A Gutter Drunk?

It is an excellent question, the one we have just posed right there in the headline. Is Rick Santorum a gutter drunk? Buzzfeed investigates, and seems to have photographic proof that yes, Rick Santorum is a gutter drunk. Here is a Twitter showing him drinking beer at 11:30 a.m. because if he doesn’t, he will have the DTs, because of how he is a terrible alcoholic who is addicted to alcohol (PROBABLY) and maybe other drugs too, why not. We hope for the sake of his 54 children that he is somehow able to kick his habit of constantly drinking premium beers all day and night forever, maybe by following in the footsteps of only-cool-Republican-ever and certified nice lady Betty Ford. The First Step, Rick, is to admit you are powerless over delicious beer and then find a higher power to believe in. A nicer one than you currently believe in, probably, because That Dude sucks. [Via Buzzfeed] Read more on Is Rick Santorum A Gutter Drunk?…
  license to kill

‘Pretend It’s Obama’ Suggests Hilarious Lady As Rick Santorum Shoots at Target

Here is the funniest joke you will ever hear, falling from the nicotine-stained teeth of a southern belle: “Pretend it’s Obama!” It’s funny, you see, because Rick Santorum is shooting a gun! As her friends laugh and laugh at her witticism (which Santorum didn’t hear, obvs, he is wearing headphones), she indulges in a few modest chuckles herself. (Santorum later said the remark was terrible and horrible and he was glad he didn’t hear it. GLAD, HE SAID. Why is Rick Santorum racist against the Freedom of Speech of Southern white ladies?) Don’t bother going to the Chuckle Hut tonight: all the haws you need are here. Laugh along with the Secret Service, right after the jump! Read more on ‘Pretend It’s Obama’ Suggests Hilarious Lady As Rick Santorum Shoots at Target…
  go big or go home

SHOCKER! Rick Santorum Endorses Barack Obama!

Looks like we’re getting to the shirty, snitty, smegma-lipped-pout phase of the GOP primaries. Rick Santorum would like to take Mitt Romney’s toys and go home! “You win by giving people the opportunity to see a different vision for our country, not someone who’s just going to be a little different than the person in there,” said Santorum. “If you’re going to be a little different, we might as well stay with what we have instead of taking a risk with what may be the etch a sketch candidate of the future.” Watch Rick Santorum endorse Barack Obama, after the jump! Read more on SHOCKER! Rick Santorum Endorses Barack Obama!… Read more on SHOCKER! Rick Santorum Endorses Barack Obama!…
  but not for thee

Santorum Accepts Blessing After Pastor Tells All Buddhists, Muslims to Git Outta US

It’s a good thing Rick Santorum is so very concerned with our First Amendment right to freedom of religion. He says so every day! Which is why it might come as a surprise to some (it will not come as a surprise to anyone) that maybe Rick Santorum only believes in First Amendment rights for Christians and not any of those godless Buddhists, Mooslims, Mohommedans, or Other? The heathen infidel lesbian witches at RightWingWatch bring you this not at all terrifying video of some heehaw preacher screamin’ and a-shriekin’ at all us to git out his cuntry before laying his hands on the smiling, smegma-slicked puss of Mr. Senator Rick Santorum. Read more on Santorum Accepts Blessing After Pastor Tells All Buddhists, Muslims to Git Outta US…
  dear penthouse forum

Rick Santorum Now Coming for Your Porn

It seems that Rick Santorum has found time in his busy schedule of condemning “radical” women for working outside the home and using birth control, and nagging English-speaking Puerto Ricans to speak English, and now is turning his hot, penetrating gaze to manfolk-bizness. Yup. Ol’ Smegma Lips is now coming for your porn. Read more on Rick Santorum Now Coming for Your Porn…
  'i'm not a witch'

Noted Economist Rick Santorum: Witch Obama Caused Housing Crash

Smegma-lipped poutmonster Rick Santorum, continuing his streak of saying only and at all times sensible and logically sound things, reminded Americans today that it was President B. HUSSEIN Obama who retroactively caused the housing crash because of how he is a Gaia-worshipping lesbian Wiccan dildonic priestess who hates America, and low gas prices, and Jesus. Obama is also a time traveler, because he went back to 2008 before he was even elected and caused the financial collapse. Witches can do this! Read more on Noted Economist Rick Santorum: Witch Obama Caused Housing Crash…