We knew there had to be a “paying off some 19-year-old boy” aspect of this dull John Ensign story, and here it is: A Republican committee paid Nevada Senator John Ensign’s illicit girlfriend’s son $5,400 during the SAME EXACT TIME Ensign and the lady were humping. This teen-ager was given the dirty GOP money for “research policy consulting,” which is even more bogus-sounding that our business expenses. ALSO: Our friends at the Las Vegas Gleaner inform us that Ensign was putting his peen into this lady before he was legally separated from his wife. MORE »

The best part of this comical ABC “Money Trail” clip about Republican politicians partying with lobbyists during The Hurricane comes early on, when the Republican pol covers his face in a feathery pink boa soaked in the goos and sludges of venereal disease. And all because of a wee wittle camera. [YouTube]

Joel Stein has an op-ed piece in the Los Angeles Times today bemoaning the current state of Halloween, in which he laments the fact that the once kid-friendly Satanic festival has been ruinously besmirched by adults running around dressed as sexy nurses, libidinous witches, randy stewardesses, etc. etc. This year, of course, it’ll be even worse when every single party will be befouled by at least one toe-tapping, stall-bound senator. Blah, blah, blah, we hear this stuff every year, right? But then, unexpectedly, Stein comes up with the most wonderful idea! Why not save Halloween for the little bastards by creating a new holiday for adults: Slut Day! We’re listening. MORE »

* Chris Matthews to judge this year’s Miss America pageant with AC Slater and a bunch of honky tonk b-listers. [Broadcasting & Cable]
* William Rehnquist spent his days in an OxyContin haze, just like you. [Above The Law]
* “If she goes out, she goes down” to join such classics as “if she smokes, she pokes” and “if she says ‘fuck,’ she fucks.” [Feministing]
* HUD Secretary Alphonso “Double Stuff” Jackson, shows off his impressive boot-strap pulling workout regimen. [Dean's World]
* A portrait of Bill O’Reilly that Stephen Colbert gave Harvard found to be suspiciously sticky. [The Crimson]
* Nouri al-Maliki wants to take his ball and go home. [Political Animal]
* Curt Weldon to use ill-gotten gains to pay fine on ill-gotten golf trip. [Roll Call]

Our geeky sister showed us the Google Slut-o-meter, which uses a complicated mathematical algorithm to determine precisely levels of skankiness. Our initial tests, using Nancy Pelosi’s score of negative 5% and Paris Hilton’s 84% for reference, had a couple surprises: MORE »