Tag Archives: slut pills

  nice time!

Pro-Life Colorado Republicans Angry That Teen Abortion Rate Declining

They work!
Who would have guessed that the “pro-life” sex education plan, which is essentially “do not have sex ever, you whore,” doesn’t work? Everyone would have guessed that! But Colorado has a lesson to teach America about what DOES work, and it is free birth control for everyone, so that ladies can do sex without worrying about unplanned pregnancies. We’re not sure the religious right will like this news, because it also means that ladies can do sex without asking their permission: Read more on Pro-Life Colorado Republicans Angry That Teen Abortion Rate Declining…
  Fuckabee if you're nasty

Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!

Gonna talk about the female anatomy now.
Former Arkansas governor and current traditional values hall monitor Mike Huckabee announced his candidacy for the Republican nomination for president today in Hope, Arkansas, because he is from there, just like Bill Clinton! The theme of the day was “going from Hope to Higher Ground,” because using “hope” as a theme has never been done before, by a presidential candidate from Hope, Arkansas. There was nice uplifting music, like that Tony Orlando stuff Huckabee loves, and quite unlike that whore Beyoncé music the Obamas love, which Mike Huckabee knows is from the devil. Unfortunately, Ted Nugent was not there to help Huckabee sing about bitches’ pussies, BY WHICH WE MEAN KITTY CATS. Read more on Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!…
  Jump in the pool -- the santorum's fine!

Frothy Rick Santorum Thinking About Lubing Up For 2016 Republican Primaries!

Santorum now available with SPF 45 protection!
Hurray, Rick Santorum is dipping his toes into the frothy fecal waters of the 2016 Republican clown car! Rand Paul and Ted Cruz are already in there, just splash, splash, splashing around, but Rick Santorum is not 100 percent sure he’s DTF yet, so he’s created a “testing the waters” account, just to see if maybe he might want to lose another Republican primary: Read more on Frothy Rick Santorum Thinking About Lubing Up For 2016 Republican Primaries!…
  Salute in your shorts

Pentagon Used Your Money To Give Dudes $84 Million In Boners Last Year

People of the wingnut variety are always yammering on about “outta control government spending!” and “I am being tyrannied into buying SLUT PILLS for all the ladies!” and dumb liberals always say, you know, if they were coming after your Viagra you’d be mad too. One entity that is NOT coming after your Viagra is the United States military. Originally, all patriotic Americans were under the impression that the military was spending about $500K a year on boners,  but the Military Times did some rock-hard-hitting penis journalism and found that the real cost of keeping your men boned up is $84.24 million per year: Read more on Pentagon Used Your Money To Give Dudes $84 Million In Boners Last Year…
  Gag Me With A Ballot

Fox News: Young Women Should Go Find Sexxytimes Online And Leave Democracy To Grownups

If it keeps the terrorists from winning, it's still civic-minded.
Fox News hostroid Kimberly Guilfoyle said Tuesday that America would be a far better place if young women would just please stay home and go do their Twittergrams and Tindermatches instead of cluttering up our elections with all their stupidness. She urged the frivolous young things to avoid voting in this year’s midterms and to only return to the polls when they have the maturity to vote like a respectable married lady, preferably one with a good Republican cloth coat and a little dog named Checkers. Read more on Fox News: Young Women Should Go Find Sexxytimes Online And Leave Democracy To Grownups…
  nice time!

All The Lady-Americans Are Saving Money On Slut Pills, Thanks Obama!

Best news of the day
Hooray, woot, yessssssss, #winning, and other celebratory expressions of joy. Here’s some good news, which we all need right about now, don’t we? According to a new study by the Guttmacher Institute (you can read the full study here, if you’re that kind of full-study-reading nerd), President Obama’s war on God and the First Amendment, also known as the no co-pay contraception provision of the Affordable Care Act, is working. Like, really working. Read more on All The Lady-Americans Are Saving Money On Slut Pills, Thanks Obama!…
  Cory Gardner for feminist of the year!

Look At This Total Colorado RINO, Giving Away Slut Pills Like Candy

Ladies and friends of ladies, you will be happy to know that Colorado’s radical feminist Rep. Cory Gardner, who is trying real hard to unseat Democratic Sen. Mark Udall, wants to give you all the slut pills for your sexxxytime — and for freedom! — unlike some people who are named (cough) Mark Udall. Read more on Look At This Total Colorado RINO, Giving Away Slut Pills Like Candy…
  clipbait

As Usual, World Went All To Hell While Jon Stewart Was On Break (Video)

When Jon Stewart takes a vacation, he usually returns to find that some eminently mockable story has broken while he was away. He was on break when Dick Cheney shot that guy in the face, for instance, and when Sara Palin quit (as governor, that time). But returning from this most recent two-week break, Stewart thinks the entire world has gone mad: the border crisis, the Republicans suing Obama, Iraq falling apart as ISIS takes over huge parts of the country, and for those who prefer the taste of “Catastrophe Classic,” Hamas is shooting rockets ineffectually at Israel and Israel is converting large swaths of Gaza to rubble: “Tastes great, more killing.” Read more on As Usual, World Went All To Hell While Jon Stewart Was On Break (Video)…
 

Rick Santorum’s Hobby Lobby Documentary: America’s Gonna Ban Christianity And Go Nazi (Video)

So now that the Hobby Lobby case has established once and for all the sacred right of employers to crack down on rowdy ladyparts, Rick Santorum’s Echolight Studios wants you all to know that they just happen to have a movie in the works that includes a discussion of Hobby Lobby — what excellent timing! One Generation Away: The Erosion of Religious Liberty is all about how Christianity is under siege and America’s just on the verge of going completely Nazi. And one of the main examples is the Hobby Lobby case, in which brave Christian business owners were brutally oppressed by a government mandate to cover the very birth control that they had already covered until 2012. Now, the whole “religious freedom is endangered” claim doesn’t seem like it’s supported by the fact that Hobby Lobby won the right to tell women to get bent, so we’ll be curious how the movie fits that in. But according to the trailer, the government is coming to cut down all the crosses and wish them into the cornfield. Read more on Rick Santorum’s Hobby Lobby Documentary: America’s Gonna Ban Christianity And Go Nazi (Video)…
  Adam and eve not adam and IBM selectric

Brian Fischer Explains Why God Made Women To Be Secretaries, Just Like In Bible Times

Hey, Ladies of Wonket! Hope you’re all having a welcoming, nurturing, inviting day! It’s really a beautiful miracle how God made you so well-suited for secretarial and receptionist duties, because those are pretty much the only jobs you should consider while you wait to find a husband to take care of you (or become a lonely bitter spinster with scores of cats). So now that we have that clear, let’s see what American Patriarchy Association spokesdouche Bryan Fischer has to say about gender discrimination? Hmmm… Looks like he’s for it. OK, that’s all. Read more on Brian Fischer Explains Why God Made Women To Be Secretaries, Just Like In Bible Times…
  sun rises. gop lies about obamacare. sun sets.

Cathy McMorris Rodgers Is A Horrible Lying Assclown

So, y’all remember that vagina’d monologue from the lady who gave the official, not-in-Spanish GOP response to Dictator Obama’s State of the Union speechy thingy? Yeah, the one who seemed all sweet and stuff, until you listened to her words, which were fluff and boring, and apparently full of lies. Because when you are addressing the entire nation after the President, who would have ever thought that the media would maybe, possibly, look into the words that came forth from your mouthhole and check them against reality? Not every media outlet treats the GOP like Fox News. During Cathy McMorris Rodgers response, she mentioned “Bette from Spokane,” who was kicked off her health insurance and was facing a “nearly $700 per month” increase in her premiums, #ThanksObama. This was to illustrate how bad the law was, and how all Americans everywhere were suffering because Obamacare is THE WORST. And there is no way that the media (thanks, Spokesman-Review) would find this “Bette,” and certainly no way that there would be cheaper options for “Bette” that the Congresswoman neglected to mention, because who would be so utterly incompetent as to tell a bald-faced LIE on national television that could be tracked down merely days later? It turns out that Cathy McMorris Rodgers, and her staff, are, indeed, that incompetent. Or just liars. Probably both.  Read more on Cathy McMorris Rodgers Is A Horrible Lying Assclown…
  little sisters of perpetual grievance

Now It Is These Nuns Who Are Being Kind Of Dicks

Sonia Sotomayor singlehandedly stopped Obamacare in its tracks on New Year’s Eve when she granted some nuns a temporary injunction from having to comply with a part of the Affordable Care Act while their lawsuit is being appealed. Except that the only thing that’s especially noteworthy about the injunction is that it was issued by a Supreme Court justice, rather than by the appeals court — it’s actually a pretty routine move, and the real surprise may be that the injunction wasn’t granted by the tenth Circuit court, which Sotomayor oversees. No, wait, actually, the real real surprise is probably that the Catholic nonprofits’ suit is going forward at all, since as Slate points out, the ACA already allows religious-affiliated groups to not pay for contraceptive coverage in employees’ health insurance. But they have to sign a form requesting that exemption. Once they sign that form, they will not have to pay for non-Catholic employees’ slut-pills, but then those slutty non-Catholics will still be able to get slut pills, paid for by the insurers, not the employers. This is still far too much complicity in the machinery of baby-prevention, so the Little Sisters of No Contraception No Way Never refuse to sign the form asking for the exemption. We are pretty sure Sister Mary Yossarian is feeling pretty oppressed by the whole sordid business. Read more on Now It Is These Nuns Who Are Being Kind Of Dicks…
  remember: it's not in the constitution

You Got Your God In My Government: The Year In ChurchState

Way to go, America! Looks like we got through one more year without becoming a Handmaid’s Tale theocracy, being taken over by sharia law, or rounding up all the Christians and putting them in FEMA camps, so all in all, we’d have to say the state of Church and State is as contentious as ever. The biggest Establishment Clause case that the SCOTUS has heard in a while, Town of Greece v. Galloway, won’t have a decision until 2014. In that case from New York, the town council is being sued for opening meetings with an invocation, almost exclusively given by Christian ministers — the Court has previously ruled that invocations at public meetings are OK as long as they aren’t specifically sectarian, and the current case will determine the lawfulness of Greece’s very Jesus-y opening prayers. The possibility that a discussion of pothole repairs might be kicked off by merely invoking “the almighty” instead of “Christ our Savior” led the Southern Baptists to warn that a ruling against Greece would be pretty much the same as forcing all Americans to be Unitarians. And if that happens, there’s just no telling whether there will be enough coffee to go around. Read more on You Got Your God In My Government: The Year In ChurchState…
  Jesus hated sluts and their slut pills

Appeals Court Rules That Obamacare Slut Pills Are Unnecessary, Burdensome, And Mean To People Who Don’t Understand Jesus

Hey, whores, good news! You know how we’ve all had a major case of the sads ever since President Obama started personally force-feeding slut pills down our throats and infamying America like 9/11 and Pearl Harbor? Thankfully, the D.C. Court of Appeals has ruled that we don’t need no stinkin’ ladyparts health care after all, at least not if our employers believe the Bible says — you know, somewhere in there, between the part about burning the gays and Second Amendmenting socialism — that ladyparts health care makes Jesus cry. Read more on Appeals Court Rules That Obamacare Slut Pills Are Unnecessary, Burdensome, And Mean To People Who Don’t Understand Jesus…
  today in sexytime god and tyranny

Appeals Court Says Catholic-Owned Business Still Has To Pay For Slut Pill Insurance

A federal appeals court upheld the Affordable Care Act’s requirement that insurance plans cover contraception, even when employers are personally offended by the idea that their slutty employees might be having sex in ways that the employers’ imaginary friends don’t approve of. A Catholic family that owns a controlling interest in two private companies had claimed that the contraception coverage would “force them to choose between violating the teachings of their church and suffering significant financial harm.” And here’s a fun little twist: it looks like the concept of “corporate personhood” played a role in the decision to deny the challenge to the ACA, because while corporations are people, they don’t go to church, my friend. Read more on Appeals Court Says Catholic-Owned Business Still Has To Pay For Slut Pill Insurance…