Wonkette

The jury reached a verdict in the corruption trial of Chicago “slum landlord” Tony Rezko, the sleazy best friend of Barack Obama. Rezko was a prominent fundraiser for Obama back in the day, and even helped him buy his Hope Mansion in Chicago, and then they started dating, but Obama was too careerist commit to a gay relationship on the side. And that’s a good thing, because Tony won’t be around for trysts no mo’! He was convicted of “12 counts of wire and mail fraud, two counts of money laundering and two counts of aiding and abetting bribery.” But what’s the worst the judge could throw at him for such petty misdemeanors? Oh: “300 years in prison.” So what? Obama will pardon him in January, 2017, because why not? [Chicago Tribune]

Uh oh, Barry “Clean as an Articulate Whistle” Obama might be in some deep trouble now: Chicago “slum landlord” Tony Rezko, who Hillary said was Barry’s best friend during last week’s debate, has been arrested. Apparently he and Barry were running some kind of global drug circus through the Panama Canal and cocaine and heroin and Jesse Jackson and stuff! That’s what an “alleged bond violation” means, right? Just trying to predict the Clinton spin. [Chicago Tribune]