Tag: slavery

Jerk America-Haters Won’t Wish Allen West Happy Independence Day

Allen West is here to police your holiday greeting habits.
Surely no one who read the Bible would fight for the wrong side

Washington National Cathedral Removing Confederate Stain From Glass Windows

Washington National Cathedral will remove the Confederate battle flag from two stained glass windows donated by the United Daughters of the Confederacy. It's about time they got off their glass.

Ted Cruz Willing To Get Back Into America’s Pants If Nebraska Asks Him Nicely Enough

Also Heidi says the Ted Cruz campaign is just like the fight to end slavery, and now we are REALLY worried about her.

Ben Carson So Mad Obama Sold Harriet Tubman Into Slavery Again

Can we all agree that black Republicans are, at the very least, a wee bit odd? Case in point: Failed presidential candidate, half-assed Trump endorser and bestest neurosurgeon in the world Ben Carson, whose brain remains broken because he's...

Jim Webb Feeling Mighty Stabby About These Goldurned Injun-Lovin’ Andrew Jackson Haters

Dead-eyed failed "Democratic" presidential candidate Jim Webb, who killed a guy one time, is very upset about the way kids today are treading all over President Andrew Jackson, just because he genocided a bunch of Native Americans one time. In...
Everybody wants prosthetic foreheads on their real heads

Bill O’Reilly Doubles Down On All Those Blacks With Their Tattooed Foreheads

Here is an important thing about Bill O'Reilly: He is never wrong. Oh, sure, he may get some facts a little bit off, like bragging about Inside Edition having won a Peabody award when it actually won a Polk...
Just being a good Christian

Ted Cruz Wishes Child Sex Slaves Would Think Of The Unborn Babies

<a href="http://wonkette.com/597828/everybody-hates-ted-cruz-and-his-stupid-foreign-born-face"></a>It's easy to forget, what with all the breaking news about Ted Cruz's alleged sex scandals and dildo-grabbing, that the man currently running second place for the Republican presidential nomination actually has a day job, as the most...

Mississippi So Glad Racism Over So It Can Celebrate Confederate Heritage

Whoa hey, what's up, Mississippi, down there near where yr Wonkette lives? Everything going well and you're not being racist at all? Good job! We're glad to hear you solved that little problem because otherwise this might be disturbing: A...

No, The KKK Is Not And Has Never Been Liberal: A Historysplainer

Of course the Ku Klux Klan was never on the side of liberals and progress. This goes without saying. There can't possibly be anyone who disputes this basic notion, could there? Of course there could. Of fucking course there could....
He's thinking of ideas right now.

Here Are Some Awful Presidents Paul Ryan Thinks Were WAY Better Than Obama

Speaker Paul Ryan was recently asked who his least favorite president was, and you'll never guess who he said! (Yes, you will.) It couldn't be Obama, could it? (Of course it could.) Well, boy howdy! Given that Ryan thinks Obama is...
ooh, red eyes!!

One Million Moms Furious Olive Garden BFFs With Satan Now

Oh hey, look, One Million Moms, aka Seventeen Angry Dipsticks, is back! They're still mad about Fox's TV show "Lucifer," like they were before, but now they have a new target: Olive Garden, which sponsors the show. If you're not familiar...

Maryland Rep Opposes DC Statehood Because Of All These Facts He Just Made Up

You know what would be a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad thing for the country? If Washington DC, the only part of the continental United States that currently gets no actual say in the legislative branch of government, got full...
And remember, sweetie, the termites go in after we bake it.

You Know Who Had It Pretty Good? George Washington’s Slaves

For inclusion in your "How did anyone think THAT was a good idea?" files (Martin Luther King Holiday edition): Scholastic Books has recalled a children's book depicting happy slaves joyfully preparing a cake for their owner's birthday. Apparently some...

Ted Cruz Suddenly Has A Problem With Law-Breakin’ Freedom Fighters, Weird

Ted Cruz, America's greatest defender of True Patriots who know Big Government is not the boss of them, at least when it comes to the homosexbian stuff, has found the one battle against tyranny that makes his bacon-wrapped freedom pole go limp: Republican...
Why yes, we are mocking his abuse at the hands of a tyrannical federal government.

Who Are Oregon’s Wildlife Sanctuary Occupiers And What Do They Want?

Now that the news is infected with Bundys again, let's take a few minutes to bring you up to speed on some basics of this latest Armed Militia Patriot Idiocy Outbreak, in which an unknown number of morons with...

Your Never-Ending Olive Garden Shrimp Bowl Sauteed In Never-Ending Child-Slave Tears

So we've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that a mortifying percentage of the shrimp we eat comes from slave labor. The good news is, jk, there's no good news, humanity is a miserable plague. According...