Tag: slavery

Just being a good Christian

Ted Cruz Wishes Child Sex Slaves Would Think Of The Unborn Babies

<a href="http://wonkette.com/597828/everybody-hates-ted-cruz-and-his-stupid-foreign-born-face"></a>It's easy to forget, what with all the breaking news about Ted Cruz's alleged sex scandals and dildo-grabbing, that the man currently running second place for the Republican presidential nomination actually has a day job, as the most...

Mississippi So Glad Racism Over So It Can Celebrate Confederate Heritage

Whoa hey, what's up, Mississippi, down there near where yr Wonkette lives? Everything going well and you're not being racist at all? Good job! We're glad to hear you solved that little problem because otherwise this might be disturbing: A...

No, The KKK Is Not And Has Never Been Liberal: A Historysplainer

Of course the Ku Klux Klan was never on the side of liberals and progress. This goes without saying. There can't possibly be anyone who disputes this basic notion, could there? Of course there could. Of fucking course there could....
He's thinking of ideas right now.

Here Are Some Awful Presidents Paul Ryan Thinks Were WAY Better Than Obama

Speaker Paul Ryan was recently asked who his least favorite president was, and you'll never guess who he said! (Yes, you will.) It couldn't be Obama, could it? (Of course it could.) Well, boy howdy! Given that Ryan thinks Obama is...
ooh, red eyes!!

One Million Moms Furious Olive Garden BFFs With Satan Now

Oh hey, look, One Million Moms, aka Seventeen Angry Dipsticks, is back! They're still mad about Fox's TV show "Lucifer," like they were before, but now they have a new target: Olive Garden, which sponsors the show. If you're not familiar...

Maryland Rep Opposes DC Statehood Because Of All These Facts He Just Made Up

You know what would be a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad thing for the country? If Washington DC, the only part of the continental United States that currently gets no actual say in the legislative branch of government, got full...
And remember, sweetie, the termites go in after we bake it.

You Know Who Had It Pretty Good? George Washington’s Slaves

For inclusion in your "How did anyone think THAT was a good idea?" files (Martin Luther King Holiday edition): Scholastic Books has recalled a children's book depicting happy slaves joyfully preparing a cake for their owner's birthday. Apparently some...

Ted Cruz Suddenly Has A Problem With Law-Breakin’ Freedom Fighters, Weird

Ted Cruz, America's greatest defender of True Patriots who know Big Government is not the boss of them, at least when it comes to the homosexbian stuff, has found the one battle against tyranny that makes his bacon-wrapped freedom pole go limp: Republican...
Why yes, we are mocking his abuse at the hands of a tyrannical federal government.

Who Are Oregon’s Wildlife Sanctuary Occupiers And What Do They Want?

Now that the news is infected with Bundys again, let's take a few minutes to bring you up to speed on some basics of this latest Armed Militia Patriot Idiocy Outbreak, in which an unknown number of morons with...

Your Never-Ending Olive Garden Shrimp Bowl Sauteed In Never-Ending Child-Slave Tears

So we've got good news and bad news. The bad news is that a mortifying percentage of the shrimp we eat comes from slave labor. The good news is, jk, there's no good news, humanity is a miserable plague. According...

Ben Carson Big Fan Of Guy Who Did Constitution, Old Whatshisname

Brilliant neurosurgeon Dr. Ben Carson might not be "briefed fully" on how the rest of the world works, and his own advisers might be struggling making his brain smart on the "complex" foreign stuff, but when it comes to...
You can tell he's being silly because his appleheaded vagina mouth is in the "giggle" position.

Correction: Donald Trump Did NOT Threaten To Deport All Muslims To The Moon

Hello, all Wonkette's favorite liberal blogs, what are you up to? Playing a game of telephone with each other, like Ben Carson telling himself his life story? Cool. Let's watch a media frenzy unfold, but let's do it backward,...

Deleted Comments: Why Do You Uncouth Churlish Perverts Hate Dr. Ben Carson?

Last week's Dear ShitFerBrains had so many thoughtful thoughts about Hillary Clinton's Benghazi hearing (yeah, we've forgotten it all already, too) that we didn't have room for some other prime cuts of derp, so we're happy to bring you...
At the back room of your local Planned Parenthood

President Ben Carson Will Emancipate Unborned Babies From Uterine Plantations

Ben Carson is doing that thing again where he lets extremely stupid words come out of his mouth, and then defends them because anyone criticizing him is a tool of the oppressive politically correct agenda that is ruining America....
Not the stabber.

Mike Huckabee Agrees: Slavery Is Pretty Dadgum Cool!

Mike Huckabee has not met an immoral, racist, homophobic, disgusting opinion he doesn't at least SOMEWHAT agree with. Hell, let's do this rapid fire: Syrian refugees are probably just whiners who want America's sweet, sweet Comcast; if the Supreme Court's decision on gay...
A group of job applicants awaiting their interviews

Textbooks Calling Slaves ‘Workers’ Too Offensive Even For Texas

As we have mentioned a time or two, Texas's dreadful standards for teaching U.S. history have resulted in some awful nonsense, like suggesting that Moses gave us the Constitution, not to mention some serious distortions in the treatment of...