Tag Archives: slavery

  The Master's A Tool

Massachusetts Parents Freaked Out By Textbook That Says Not All Slaves Were Tortured

Remember how the Teaheads in Chandler Gilbert (Dok’s geographic aphasia strikes again), Arizona, are on the cusp of murdering some biology textbooks because the books say that abortion is a thing that exists? Well, it’s time for a big ol’ “Both Sides Do It!” jamboree, because in Brookline, Massachusetts, some parents are simply livid about a passage in a 5th-grade American History text that says — and we hope you are sitting down — that not every slave back in slavery times was horribly mistreated. A local teevee report explains that after parents complained to the local school board, the district announced the book, published in 2001, would be phased out at the end of the year; in the meantime, according to a letter sent to parents, it will not be used in history classes, but rather, the passage will be used to “question the authority of a published book.” Read more on Massachusetts Parents Freaked Out By Textbook That Says Not All Slaves Were Tortured…
  Let's All Sing The Doom Song!

Obama To Declare Martial Law, Kill Us All With Ebola Because Slavery

Stay calm, OK?
We bet you never would have guessed that the diagnosis of one (1) human being with Ebola virus would lead to a whole bunch of daft conspiracy theories, did you? Don’t be ridonkulous, you would say to yourself. We live in a highly developed modern technological society with terrific special effects in our movies, telephones with more computing capacity than was needed to go to the moon, and medical care that is second to none, if you can afford it at least. We are so advanced that we aren’t even impressed by digital watches anymore, that is how far we have come from the primitive ape descendants we used to be. Read more on Obama To Declare Martial Law, Kill Us All With Ebola Because Slavery…
  Teach The Nontroversy

Colorado Nutjob: Why Don’t Textbooks Explain America Voluntarily Stopped Slaving?

Some of teh volunteers at Antietam
The Great AP History Fight in Jefferson County, Colorado, continues into another week, and there have been a few new developments. For one thing, on Thursday night the conservative school board passed a compromise version of a proposal to review all curricular materials, with particular emphasis on Advanced Placement US History (APUSH). The original proposal would have screened instructional materials to ensure they promoted “positive aspects” of God’s Favorite Nation, like patriotism, respect for authority, individual rights, and the free enterprise system, while not encouraging “civil disorder, social strife or disregard of the law.” The compromise that passed will “reorganize existing curriculum review groups in the district to involve more student, teacher and community voices,” according to the Denver Post. Read more on Colorado Nutjob: Why Don’t Textbooks Explain America Voluntarily Stopped Slaving?…
  Tragical History Tour

Ben Carson Pretty Sure AP U.S. History Will Make Your Kid A Terrorist

Why so much negativity? There were probably slaves who were glad not to have the burden of children, too.
Ben Carson has given us yet another reason to hope that he’s going to run for president: this dopey video of his appearance Monday at the Center for Security Policy’s National Security Action Summit, in which he speaks very movingly about what he considers the many flaws of the revised Advanced Placement U.S. History (APUSH) framework, about which he appears to have read an article somewhere. Read more on Ben Carson Pretty Sure AP U.S. History Will Make Your Kid A Terrorist…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Please Don’t Agree With Us Please

Vacation plan: Clean apartment, finish reading that Twain biography. Vacation reality: Booze & MLP fanfic
We’ve got mail! Or at least we’ve got people who want to leave comments, but who are not going to be admitted to the Commentariat because we don’t especially want them tromping around our parlor, especially not with what they’ve tracked in on their boots. Today, our sluicing out of the ol’ comments queue starts off with a couple of submissions from people who sorta kinda agree with something Yr Wonkette has published, but there’s just something about the comments that suggests we may not really want to invite these folks in, probably. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Please Don’t Agree With Us Please…
  Hot parenting tips that don't work

CNN’s Don Lemon: We Should Beat Our Kids Because It Worked For Slave Masters

Nope
Sure, slavery might have had its downsides, but CNN anchor Don Lemon is pretty sure there’s at least one valuable lesson to be learned: how to effectively discipline your slaves children to instill the appropriate amount of terror so they’ll know “who’s in control.” Read more on CNN’s Don Lemon: We Should Beat Our Kids Because It Worked For Slave Masters…
  taxes are also slavery

Rand Paul’s Utopian Vision For America Does Not – Repeat, DOES NOT – Include Slavery

We are really looking forward to Sen. Rand Paul’s upcoming presidential run, when the Aqua Buddha enthusiast will trot out his knowledge of American history that he learned reading the children’s menu at a Bob Evans off the interstate in Harlan County. Remarkably, this will be a step up in the knowledge department from most of the Republican base, but still. Read more on Rand Paul’s Utopian Vision For America Does Not – Repeat, DOES NOT – Include Slavery…
  These Textbooks Sound Awfully Familiar

New Texas Schoolbooks: Moses Wrote The Constitution For Slavery, Segregation

It is a right, actually. Not an excuse, however.
Well here’s a heck of a surprise! You may remember how Texas re-wrote its standards for history books back in 2010, to make sure that kids learned the important parts of history, like who Phyllis Schlafly is and how the Constitution was inspired by the Bible, while downplaying the importance of that nasty deist Thomas Jefferson. The standards adopted by the State Board of Education were so awful that the conservative Fordham Institute called them “a confusing, unteachable hodgepodge” and criticized the SBOE for its “blatant politicizing” of history — especially in its approach to the role of religion: Read more on New Texas Schoolbooks: Moses Wrote The Constitution For Slavery, Segregation…
  Not The 'Service Learning' Classes They were Looking For

Bible College Founder Pleads Guilty To Using Foreign Students As Slave Labor, Even Though Slavery Is In The Bible

Those students should be grateful, really.
Well this is certainly a bummer for the moral education of foreigners who simply wanted to come to the Lord: The founder of a South Carolina Bible college has pleaded guilty in federal court to four felonies and two misdemeanors for his treatment of international students as virtual slaves. Reginald Wayne Miller — whose middle name should have been all the warning anyone needed — was arrested back in March after his innovative work-study practices came to light. Students who came to the Marion, South Carolina, school hoping to seek degrees in theology or ministry instead found themselves learning a lot about how some Americans do fundamentalism: Read more on Bible College Founder Pleads Guilty To Using Foreign Students As Slave Labor, Even Though Slavery Is In The Bible…
  Lincoln's Doctor's Dog Was A Commie Too

Abraham Lincoln, Total Communist

Save it for COMMUNISM, that is!
We just keep falling in love all over again with Colorado wingnut radio preacher Kevin Swanson. Anyone who thinks that the Pill leaves ladies’ innards littered with tiny dead fetuses and that Mark Twain was possessed by demons is OK in our book (it is a rather strange book). And now Swanson has blown the lid off the biggest scam ever: Abraham Lincoln was a Marxist socialist commie who was bent on turning America into a socialist hellhole, and it worked!!!! Read more on Abraham Lincoln, Total Communist…
  it's not the heat it's the stupidity

Arizona Charter School History Book: Slavery Was Awesome!

An Arizona charter school is being criticized for using textbooks that “actively promote religious interpretations of American history.” The main texts for U.S. History classes at Heritage Academy in Mesa are two books by Glenn Beck’s spiritual predecessor, Cleon Skousen, a rabid anticommunist and pal (but not member) of the John Birch Society. The books, The 5,000 Year Leap and The Making of America, are required reading, and explain such obvious facts as the Divine inspiration of the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution, and the benevolence of slavery as an institution. Because of all that Godstuff, Americans United for Separation of Church and State argues that the books are not legal for use in a state-funded charter school, which seems to ignore the documented fact that the Constitution itself was ordained by God, which those liberals would know if they just read the books, sheesh. Read more on Arizona Charter School History Book: Slavery Was Awesome!…
  you'll just sing about jesus and drink wine all day

Dinesh D’Souza Wishes The Blacks Appreciated What Slavery Did For Them

Just like the great philosopher Pollyanna, Dinesh D’Souza has a relentlessly cheerful message to minority types who may feel that they somehow got some kind of a “raw deal” from American history: Stop being such a gloomy Gus, think about how lucky you are that your ancestors were brought to America in chains or driven off their lands, and turn that frown upside down! Read more on Dinesh D’Souza Wishes The Blacks Appreciated What Slavery Did For Them…
  b-b-b-benny and the derps

Ben Carson Civilly Disagrees With You About Your Filthy Sinning Gross Gay Marriage

Good Christ but 2016 seems relentlessly far away when we realize that we will have so much more of Bobby Jindal lurching to the right. No, righter. Keep going. We will have endless exegeses of the meaning of Hillary’s pantsuits. And worst of all we will have to continue to pretend that Ben Carson is both a serious contender and a serious individual instead of a laughable clown. Fresh off his amazing leap in illogic where he explained that government assistance is bad for everyone except Ben Carson’s mom, we now have Ben Carson’s Grand Compromise about the gays, which is basically STFU about your stupid gay marriage, gays, and in return you get more STFU. Read more on Ben Carson Civilly Disagrees With You About Your Filthy Sinning Gross Gay Marriage…
  the case for derparations

Dallas County Commissioners Are Super Mad They Accidentally Voted To Support Reparations

We are pretty much head over heels in love with this Dallas County Commissioner, John Wiley Price. Price is the sole black member of the Dallas County Commissioners Court (no, really?) and on Tuesday he decided to spice up his Juneteenth resolution by throwing in a call for reparations. Since the other commissioners basically couldn’t be arsed to pay attention, they all upfisted it and it passed unanimously. You won’t be surprised to learn that now they are SO MAD and are saying they were rooked, hoodwinked, bedazzled and UNFAIR. Read more on Dallas County Commissioners Are Super Mad They Accidentally Voted To Support Reparations…
  best american nonfiction writing of 2014

Wonkette Journalism Review: Let Us Speak Now Of Racism. Or Pegging. Whatever.

Today we ponder two awesome pieces of journalism, both of which had Twitter buzzing when they hit the web late Wednesday night. It was a tough choice for us deciding which one excited us more. Nothing we like better than some hard-hitting web content. Let’s compare the two and see which one has the potential to be more thought-provoking. On the one hand, you have Ta-Nehisi Coates’ eagerly awaited cover story for The Atlantic, “The Case for Reparations.” Coates has given us a searing indictment of the racism that has undergirded American society from the day the first slaves were brought to the North American continent, showing the reader, largely through the story of black efforts to capture a piece of the American dream by owning their own homes, particularly in one black neighborhood in Chicago, how the systemic physical, psychological and economic violence done to black minds, bodies, families and souls has wreaked havoc upon African-Americans for 400 years and continues to do so today. On the other hand, you have this piece from Buzzfeed titled, before the listicle giant changed it to something slightly less provocative, “Which Supreme Court Justice Should You Masturbate To?” Read more on Wonkette Journalism Review: Let Us Speak Now Of Racism. Or Pegging. Whatever….
  clipbait

SNL’s Leslie Jones Jokes About Slavery In Unladylike Fashion And So Many Sad Tears Are Shed

Oh, Saturday Night Live. We never watch you, but other people bother to watch and find funny things. There were funny things this weekend! The Beygency thing was hilarious and then new-ish writer Leslie Jones came on Weekend Update and she killed it dead with jokes about sex and slavery, which has many many people being sad all over. Read more on SNL’s Leslie Jones Jokes About Slavery In Unladylike Fashion And So Many Sad Tears Are Shed…