Joe Wilson Loves Michelle Obama Because Her Family Used To Be Enslaved To His Family, Maybe
Monday, September 14th, 2009
On yesterday’s edition of the television program Fox News Sunday, Chris Wallace dared ask his guest, weird Joe Wilson, if he hates Barack Obama because of his black race. (It is common for white people to hate/enslave black people in South Carolina.) Wilson was all, no c’mon man! Then he empirically proved that he is best friends with the black Michelle Obama: “I respect President Obama. Actually, there’s a relationship in a way … his wife, ah, her family’s from Georgetown [South Carolina], ah, my family’s from next door, in McClellanville, so I, ah, have a great respect for the president.” WE BET THESE FAMILIES HUNG OUT ALL THE TIME. [Daily Intel via The Awl]
The bounty hunters at CNN have located the plantation from which Michelle Obama escaped, and returned her. Pulitzer for Public Service much? [
Our hardworking House of Representatives took a break from bickering about health care and carbon dioxide to pass a quick “most uncontroversial resolution ever” yesterday, one authorizing the new $600 million+ (taxpayer funded!) Capitol Visitors Center — basically a museum about the history of the Capitol building — to hammer a dinky plaque to the wall thanking the Slaves for, you know, “building the Capitol.” It 
Of all the people/organizations in Washington most likely to embarrass themselves with Twitter’s power of spontaneity, those masterful enablers of the Inadvertently Hilarious at the RNC probably lead the pack. So 
Mexicans to mow the lawn, poor black ladies to clean the house, Vietnamese girls for pedicures, gay dudes at the Day Spa for massages, the Ukrainian nanny, the Korean seamstress/dry cleaner, the Brazilian bikini waxer, the starving MFA to tutor your ADD children …. There are just so many slaves to pay, in America, when you are Upper Middle Class! And now there’s no money, so well-off Americans are suddenly forced to trim their own pubes, etc. Hard Times! 
This CNN article is consistently hilarious, the way it tries to segue between Barack Obama being president and the history of slavery. We learn all kinds of surprising information! “WASHINGTON (CNN) — In January, President-elect Barack Obama and his family will make history, becoming the first African-American first family to move into the White House — a house with a history of slavery. In fact, the legacy of American presidents owning slaves goes all the way back to George Washington.” Whoa, that far back!!? [
Whoa, it’s the electoral map with… with freakin’ dots all over the damn place, just cold clusterin’ and aggregatin’ over the blue areas. It is this: “Strange Maps overlays cotton production in 1860 with the 2008 presidential results.” Awkward! And as you can see, we’ve “overlaid” — with a retarded X — the 
Imagine this: The daughter of an actual American slave lives to see the day when blacks cannot only vote, but can run for — and win! — the presidency. Well, it is a true story. Amanda Jones, who is 109 years old and was born in the 1800s to a father born as a slave, proudly voted for Barack Obama and mailed in her ballot. That seems to say something positive about the direction of history and progress of civilization, etc., right? NO U R WRONG BARAK NOBAMA IS RACIST. 
