Wonkette

A long time ago in the 1990s there was this teevee program called The X-Files — a creepy mix of Nixon-era political conspiracy, the occult, fake terror attacks, FEMA killing everybody, and Space Demons. It seemed completely fantastic until 2001, when Dick Cheney and George W. Bush began their reign of horror. And finally, after years of silence, the creators of the X-Files are talking about how this administration stole all their ideas, even 9/11! MORE »

A former president stopped by his old alma mater to pick up an alumni award. This is the kind of thing George H.W. Bush does all the time, we assume, so what happened in New Haven over the weekend that was of any note? IvyGate has a hunch that George H.W. Bush, Bonesman 4life, was the guest of honor at a Skull and Bones dinner (or something), his first such event since 1998. MORE »

Guys, once something is on Digg’s front page, you don’t all need to email it to us. Anyway — crazy kid shouts at John Kerry about the Skull and Bones, cops taser the shit out of him. Here’s the video! [YouTube]

Are you getting Kerry Fever again? Neither are we. But the official 2004 Fall Guy is gearing up for another brave campaign to keep Republicans in the White House forever, as evidenced by a) Some minor staff re-jiggering in his Washington office, and B) A craptacular interview in Details, the lifestyle magazine for men who just dress gay.

Asked about his habit of being photographed while “windsurfing,” Kerry says, “I challenge anyone who makes fun of windsurfing to come out and do it with me and see how long they last.” First, that is not our idea of a fun date. Second, the issue wasn’t whether windsurfing is a physically demanding leisure activity — it was that it looks like another expensive hobby of the coastal rich, because that’s what it is. Bush’s handlers bought a fake “ranch” for their Yankee Preppie Yalie Cheerleader and next thing you know he’s a “cowboy.” It works, because Americans are simple. Who calls him “cowboy” most? Dumb liberals!

More crap, after the jump.

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Kerry’s pointless (or was it?) performance appears to have had no effect on the election. Dems are actually polling higher now, although not even old Yankee McLongface would try to take credit for that. MORE »

How many Democrats in tight races do you think are calling in mafia hits on Kerry right about now? Johnny boy, you’d best wait out November in the Skull & Bones crypt. The CIA will send the usual security detail. MORE »

Looks like professional fall guy John “Skull & Bones” Kerry screwed up so bad that he’s getting Hasterted on the campaign trail:

From: “Tim Walz for U.S. Congress”
info@timwalz.org
Date: Wed, 01 Nov 2006 00:07:19
Subject: Senator Kerry unable to attend Mankato rally

Kerry cancels Mankato appearance [Free Press] MORE »

George W. Bush’s fellow Bonesman and professional fall guy John Kerry has enraged the Democrats by contributing a paltry $15,000 — or, .001% of his $14 million campaign chest — to Dems in tight races.

Kerry henchman David Wade says Old Longface actually “contributed $2.8 million to campaign committees, state parties and individual candidates in this election cycle,” according to the New York Times. That sounds like overly qualified bullshit.

Find out who Wade calls “cowards,” after the cowardly jump.

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