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Tag: shutdown

Just being a good Christian

Your 2014 Legislative Sh*tmuffin (National Division): Oh Right It’s Ted Cruz For A Change

2014 was the year when Senator Ted Cruz (R-Alberta) officially renounced his Canadian citizenship and became a true American. It was also the year when Cruz made his first successful title defense of Wonkette's coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the...
He'll take the help, but it's gonna hurt

Congress Sort Of Has A Deal To Keep Government Open Maybe

With the clock ticking toward Thursday, when our U.S. of America government will be officially out of pocket change and out of business, the do-nothing layabouts in Congress have maybe cobbled together a deal to avoid that. Hooray, end-of-year bonuses...
"Come now, be reasonable."

McConnell, Cruz Prepare For Epic Dick-Measuring Contest

On the Fateful November Tuesday That Shall Not Be Named (the one in 2014, not 2010), Calgary's own Ted Cruz sat down with Wolf Blitzer and was asked if he'd support Mitch McConnell as the next Senate majority leader. Cruz...

The Thirteen Greatest Achievements In Throat Cramming Of 2013

Like most years when there's a Democrat in the White House, 2013 was a year of things getting rammed, crammed, jammed, shoved, and/or forced down our (America's) throats. How big were the things? So big. Were they hard to...

GOP Shutdown Final Tally: $2 To $6 Billion Which Was Worth It Because Obamacare Was Totally Repealed

You ever wonder what success looks like? We often wonder, because we are bloggers who sit in unwashed pajamas, drink cheap whiskey and incessantly email BangMeHarder54@altavista.com to please do sex on us, so we don’t know any successes. But...

Grover Norquist & Company Go Full Mean Girl On Ted Cruz

Poor Grover Norquist. He was so famous once! He was the guy who got nearly every Republican congressthing to sign a "no tax hikes ever" pledge, which turned out to actually mean "no tax hikes on rich people," remember...

Tom DeLay Ex-Consplains How Real Americans Totally Heart Hero Ted Cruz Actually

Remember that one time Republicans shut down the government and threatened to crash the entire economy because that sumbitch Obama refused to repeal his entire presidency and let Ted Cruz live in the White House? So disrespectful! Who does...

Harry Reid Is Your New Grandmaster Of Senate Chess

Harry Reid is not perfect, as he'll be the first to tell you. Second to tell you will be your Wonket, your Wonkette, and all of les enfants terrible who would leave comments here, if we allowed those. It's...

Darrell Issa To Investigate How Republicans’ Government Shutdown Is Totally Obama’s Fault Somehow

Investimagating IRSghazigate is so last season. That's why House Oversight and Government Reform Chairman and theater producer Darrell Issa has discovered some new masturbatory material. He is going to investigate how the eeeeeevil Obama administration allowed Republicans to shut...

Lindsey Graham Sorry, So Sorry, Please Accept His Apology

While the "world watches" America threaten to destroy the global economy, it's "eat your own" time for the Republicans, otherwise known as "the people in charge of making sure America does not destroy the global economy while the world...

GOP Loves Democracy So Much They Change House Rules So Only GOP Can Participate

You remember reading Calvin & Hobbes, the greatest comic ever written in the history of ever? Rambunctious little Calvin and his imaginary friend Hobbes would sometimes play Calvinball, a game where you make up the rules as you go...

No, Idiots, For The Last Time You Do Not Get To Use National Parks When They Are Closed

Nearly two weeks into the shutdown, the right's least-pathetic gambit remains their "cakes we like" strategy, in which the impasse would be resolved by passing discrete appropriations for things Republicans support, like national parks. Shut up, Republicans do too...

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special We Are Terrible At Healthcare And Public Art Edition

Have you been reading a lot of smart takes, a lot of thinkpieces, about how much the computer-y part of the healthcare roll out sucks, and the gubmint should have magically figured out a way to sign up oodles...

Shutdown Saga Maybe Possibly Coming To An End, Ha Ha, Just Kidding Dummies

Shutdown day 11! Hope you have been getting your Government Shutdown Bonus Card stamped every day, because 12 shutdown days earns you one free voter repression in the swing state of your choice! (Wonkette is going with a minority...

Republican Party’s Favorability Hits All-Time Low, Proving That We Must Repeal Obamacare

You see that picture up there, with the jaggedy lines? It's a "graph," and it shows that 28% of Americans have a favorable view of the Republican Party, according to Gallup. Maybe you think that's pretty good, considering that the...

Let John McCain Berate And Shame You, Especially If You Are A Republican

Remember back in 2008 when we were all briefly terrified that John McCain might win the presidency and then die and then Sarah Palin? As it turns out, WALNUTS! is winning his battle against actuarial science quite handily! Here...