Wonkette

Not that it will last, but our nation’s ears have a little respite of peace today, because poor Hillary Clinton lost her voice. And then she cried about it. And make no mistake, these tears were real, because the only thing the Clintons will truly cry about is not being able to hear the sound of their own voice. [Drudge Report]

Orange-headed Space.com founder Lou Dobbs isn’t just hating on Mexicans today — he is taking the fight to God. MORE »

Portly pompadoured “shock jock” Al Sharpton said something provocative during a debate with Christopher Hitchens on Monday, causing much concern amongst those who pay attention to Al Sharpton. (Sharpton and Hitch are running against each other in the tightly contested campaign for “World’s Biggest Asshole.”) MORE »

Texas Republican Ted Poe was just giving a good ol’ speech on the House floor Monday when he decided it was time to quote “successful Confederate general” Nathan Bedford Forrest without mentioning that Forrest was also a founding Grand Supreme Lizard of the Ku Klux Klan. MORE »

Are we having fun yet? No? Then let’s continue not having fun with this exciting liveblogging of the GOP old geezers threatening us all with a million more 9/11s.

* If WALNUTS! becomes president, it really doesn’t matter what he wants — he will be president of a “failed nation.”
* When what’s his name is president, we’re not gonna rescue faggot hikers on Mt. Hood anymore.
* Come on, Tommy Thompson, are you or are you not going to protect American business from homos??
* Hey Mitt, how’s the E-meter?
* Huckabee: “Mormons are as untrustworthy as a Mexican.”

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We very much appreciate Dan Froomkin paying attention to Bush speeches so we don’t have to. In explaining why he doesn’t care if American troops all die of old age in Iraq, Bush said this to his seven remaining supporters yesterday:

“I talk to a lot of families who have got a loved one in Iraq or Afghanistan, or anywhere else in this global war on terror, and they are in constant communication with their loved one. That’s amazing, isn’t it. You’ve got a kid in Iraq who is emailing mom daily, talking about the realities of what he or she sees. Information is moving — you know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it’s also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internets.”

Extra not-funny part: This is the same “commander guy” whose Army just “ordered soldiers to stop posting to blogs or sending personal e-mail messages, without first clearing the content with a superior officer.” MORE »

Whether you’re a 50-year-old American captain killed in Iraq or a 33-year-old Egyptian hijacker flying into the World Trade Center, George W. Bush considers you “kids.” MORE »

Wonkette commenter BlinkyThe3EyedFish came up with a pretty great drinking game for tonight. Maybe there really is hope for America!

Oh, and before we get to the game (after the jump), here are the actual details for tonight’s thrilling episode of “Grumpy Old Men: The Series.” The debate starts at 8 p.m. Washington time, 5 p.m. Los Angeles time. In order to remind the audience that it’s a presidential debate and not just a bunch of senile old guys talking about their cancer surgeries, there will be a large prop behind the geezers: Air Force One. A total of 10 white Republican men will take part, with about seven of them anxious to be the night’s “Mike Gravel.” Courtesy of Mitt Romney, all candidates will have to be tested on the E-meter for excess Thetans.

OK, let’s make our list for the liquor store ….

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It’s been a few days or at least hours since Christopher Hitchens gave an interview. Let’s check in with the Jesus-hating Bushbot ex-Trotskyite American citizen (wait, what?):

All writers go on about how difficult writing is, and of course there’s that, because it gets harder when you compare yourself to better people, but to be absolutely frank, I don’t find writing hard at all. I could in a course of a day perfectly easily write a column that’s 1,000 words for Slate and a book review for the Sunday Times of London, for example.

Yes, Hitch, we all sort of noticed that about you. MORE »

Do you have opinions that do not properly respect everybody? Well watch out, because liberals are coming for your job! MORE »

George Washington University is famous for its high-profile celebrity commencement speakers: Desmond Tutu, George W. Bush, Hillary Clinton, Herman Wouk, William Rehnquist, Bill Cosby, Bob Dole and Sandra Day O’Conner are some of the big names that have entertained GW graduates. MORE »

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In yet another outrage of someone saying something — but in print this time! — the Washington Times is in a heap of trouble for running some ad from a crackpot. MORE »

* “So what is the real price from McPherson Square to Dulles? $51 dollars.” [Metroblogging DC]
* Our own Lonleygirl 15 wants to send you a postcard from France. [Mayhem by Miss M]
* Here’s a list of writers you’ve never heard of who’ll take your money and tell you how to capture your dreams. [The Happy Booker]
* You people are fucking crazy: “Hurts that the person you chose to try to push around (because I am so young-looking, perhaps?) didn’t let it happen, huh? And it hurts that she hit you where it stings — insult my youth and intelligence, and I have a free pass to insult your craggy face permanently lined with stress and anger, in addition to the sub-par intelligence that foolishly opened you up to my rebuttal in the first place.” [Sonnet87]
* Shut up. [DCist]