Tag: shut up

Turn that poo-face upside down, Sarah.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: We Showed Sarah Palin’s Bra, We Guess?

A man gave us money to watch The Sarah Palin Channel. That man was Fartknocker. In a recent Ask Me Anything, Sarah Palin started with a relatively simple question: "If (or when) you run for President, will you be...
Not even close to the biggest disappointment on Sunday night

Cleveland Cops Think ‘Pathetic’ Athletes Should Stay Out Of Cops Killing Black Kids

Unless you play fantasy football, you've probably never heard of Cleveland Browns wide receiver Andrew Hawkins, but the public relations geniuses at the Cleveland Police Union are doing their darnedest to change that. Hawkins took the field Sunday wearing a...
You shut up, and you shut up, and you shut up

Chris Christie Promises He Will Never Stop Being A Dick

Lovable cuddly soft-spoken goofball Gov. Chris Christie (R-Joisey) appeared on the "Today Show" to vow that he will never give up, never surrender, when it comes to being a raging screamaholic jerk-faced jerk. Matt Lauer reminded Christie of that little...

Hi! How About All Y’all Stop Yelling At Me About The Ads? A Message From Your Editrix

Hi, it's me, your Editrix! How are you? TERRIBLE? Are you TERRIBLE because we have soooo many ugly ads on this page, and they are ugly? Fuck dudes, that sucks, and I am sorry. NOW CAN YOU PLEASE STOP...

Chris Christie To Lady Doctor: Shut Up, Lady Doctor

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is so mad, you guys. Right, right, he's always mad. But listen, some lady doctor from the Clinton White House days had the audacity to state the obvious this week when she said maybe...

Slot Machine Addict & Republican Crook Notes U.S. Men Are Failures

Bloated GOP gambling addict William Bennett makes his millions in many ways, such as his storied tenure on the board of some sketchy "online charter school" that siphons taxpayer money from real public schools. (It was started by...

Republicans Walk Out On Joe Biden’s Budget Talks

Jabbering moron Joe Biden was trying to save America by turning off a $125 website for endangered species, but somehow everybody still thinks Joe Biden is a fool. So congratulations to Joe Biden for somehow looking worse than congressional...

Sarah Palin Has No Idea Who Paul Revere Was, Or What He Did

Jabbering imbecile Sarah Palin and her rented tour bus continue to bring laughs to America. Here's how she described Paul Revere's famous 1775 secret horseback ride through the countryside where he quietly warned revolutionary conspirators of the British Army's...

Wingnuts Furious About … Too Many Arab Beauty Queens

American Taliban/Miss USA Rima Fakih was just another gal who did stripper-pole dances at local bars until she was chosen as the new Queen of TeeVee Underwear Contests last night. And then, within hours, the 24-year-old bikini model had...

EMAILS WE DELETED IMMEDIATELY: "Good afternoon, In a story exclusive to National Journal, Jim Barnes reports that former House Speaker Newt Gingrich is weighing a run for president in 2012 and that he expects to come to a decision...

Michael Steele Says A Thing Again! This One’s About Loving An ACORN

Michael Steele! It has been a full forty-five minutes since he has last tempted John Boehner to actually murder him. Things are quiet... too quiet. Back on The Streets when things were too quiet, this meant that one of...

Famous Marriage Expert Levi Johnston Says Palins Have Marriage Troubles

Alaskan teen Levi Johnston is famous for banging one of Sarah Palin's daughters in Sarah Palin's house in a special fuck room Sarah Palin created for the children, and ever since America has turned to Young Mr. Levi for...

Why Can’t GI Joe Kill Slants & Gooks Like He Used To, When He Was American?

You know who used to be American, when he killed fucking foreigners in "World War II or Korea or one of these places," while wearing the proper green "Army duds," before liberal Hollywood turned him into a cocksucking cross-dresser?...

NEIL YOUNG WOULD LIKE TO COMMENT ON THIS FINANCIAL NEWS: So he made a super-shitty song/video about, uh, Wall Street fat cats or whatever. Just do a blog on Huffington Post next time, okay?