Michael Steele! It has been a full forty-five minutes since he has last tempted John Boehner to actually murder him. Things are quiet… too quiet. Back on The Streets when things were too quiet, this meant that one of the Street People had to make a move. You can bet your Boston Terrier that Michael Steele has internalized the Street Lessons. John Boehner would be a FOOL if for one second he really believed that Michael Steele considered the GOP’s threats to be hip OR hop, ho ho ho! Manifestly, that sort of arrogance would get him GUN-KILLED back on the Streets! Michael Steele’s hatred of John Boehner is literally the only possible explanation for Steele’s latest thing: publicly announcing how much he loves ACORN’s leader, despite, of course, despising the work that she does and everything she stands for. MORE »

OMG David Denby murdered, literally murdered, blog-plagiarizing newspaper columnist Maureen Dowd, hid her body inside a wall, and wrote her column today! The Great Pundit Bitchfest About Civility 2009 continues: “It’s not. That country is gone. And in terms of biases that have faded, that’s a good thing. But partly due to the Internet, the standards of behavior in this new country are terrible. If Beaver and Wally were around today, they’d likely be writing snarky, revealing blogs about June and Ward.” Ha ha those blogs would be awesome. [NYT]

Alaskan teen Levi Johnston is famous for banging one of Sarah Palin’s daughters in Sarah Palin’s house in a special fuck room Sarah Palin created for the children, and ever since America has turned to Young Mr. Levi for tawdry details of the Palin Lifestyle. The latest, from some awful celebrity shit site: Todd and Sarah got some terrible marriage problems! MORE »

You know who used to be American, when he killed fucking foreigners in “World War II or Korea or one of these places,” while wearing the proper green “Army duds,” before liberal Hollywood turned him into a cocksucking cross-dresser? GI JOE THAT IS WHO, come on. MORE »

NEIL YOUNG WOULD LIKE TO COMMENT ON THIS FINANCIAL NEWS: So he made a super-shitty song/video about, uh, Wall Street fat cats or whatever. Just do a blog on Huffington Post next time, okay? [Gawker]

Not that it will last, but our nation’s ears have a little respite of peace today, because poor Hillary Clinton lost her voice. And then she cried about it. And make no mistake, these tears were real, because the only thing the Clintons will truly cry about is not being able to hear the sound of their own voice. [Drudge Report]

Orange-headed Space.com founder Lou Dobbs isn’t just hating on Mexicans today — he is taking the fight to God. MORE »

Portly pompadoured “shock jock” Al Sharpton said something provocative during a debate with Christopher Hitchens on Monday, causing much concern amongst those who pay attention to Al Sharpton. (Sharpton and Hitch are running against each other in the tightly contested campaign for “World’s Biggest Asshole.”) MORE »

Texas Republican Ted Poe was just giving a good ol’ speech on the House floor Monday when he decided it was time to quote “successful Confederate general” Nathan Bedford Forrest without mentioning that Forrest was also a founding Grand Supreme Lizard of the Ku Klux Klan. MORE »

Are we having fun yet? No? Then let’s continue not having fun with this exciting liveblogging of the GOP old geezers threatening us all with a million more 9/11s.

* If WALNUTS! becomes president, it really doesn’t matter what he wants — he will be president of a “failed nation.”
* When what’s his name is president, we’re not gonna rescue faggot hikers on Mt. Hood anymore.
* Come on, Tommy Thompson, are you or are you not going to protect American business from homos??
* Hey Mitt, how’s the E-meter?
* Huckabee: “Mormons are as untrustworthy as a Mexican.”

MORE »

We very much appreciate Dan Froomkin paying attention to Bush speeches so we don’t have to. In explaining why he doesn’t care if American troops all die of old age in Iraq, Bush said this to his seven remaining supporters yesterday:

“I talk to a lot of families who have got a loved one in Iraq or Afghanistan, or anywhere else in this global war on terror, and they are in constant communication with their loved one. That’s amazing, isn’t it. You’ve got a kid in Iraq who is emailing mom daily, talking about the realities of what he or she sees. Information is moving — you know, nightly news is one way, of course, but it’s also moving through the blogosphere and through the Internets.”

Extra not-funny part: This is the same “commander guy” whose Army just “ordered soldiers to stop posting to blogs or sending personal e-mail messages, without first clearing the content with a superior officer.” MORE »