Tag: shoplifting

Macy’s Can’t Lock People Up And Charge Them For Things They Didn’t Steal No More, Unfair!

To be filed under 'things you thought were already illegal.'

Walmart Discovers Exciting New Way To Suck Off Your Tax Dollars!

Walmart knows how to bring down costs to enhance profits. Like depending on law enforcement to provide security instead of hiring some security guards.

Brave Lady’s Guns Seized For Shooting Into Crowd, How Is That Even Fair?

Pop quiz: You are at your local Home Depot, hating your life because you are at your local Home Depot, when you see some loss prevention officers chasing down someone that stoled a thing from your local Home Depot. Do...
Pity it was Florida, not Texas. A Narcocorrido titled 'La Señora Con Xanax En Su Culo' would be so awesome.

Florida Lady Hides Xanax Up Butt While Stealing From Walmart, As One Does

Pro tip to potential criminal masterminds: If you're planning to go on a shoplifting spree, take the hidden Xanax tablets out of your butt first. Ginger Cooper, 28, was arrested Friday at a Walmart in Bradenton, Florida, after attempting to walk...
Photo courtesy Hundred Acre Wood P.D.

Boise Burglary Suspect Is One Sad Panda

Sometimes you just need to get out the ol' rainbow-puking gnome, and today is one of those days, because today, Tuesday, December Second, in the Year of Our Lord Two Thousand Fourteen, we learned that an 18-year-old woman was...

Let’s All Listen To Texas Lt. Governor David Dewhurst Calling Police To Get Niece Out Of Pokey

Texas Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst is a man who cares about justice. He's a big fan of gittin' tough on crime, and a strong supporter of the death penalty, of course, because he's a Texas Republican. But he's also...

Here Is Your Heartwarming 2012 ‘Throw A Poor Family Out In The Snow’ Christmas Miracle, America!

Just in case you were feeling hopeful about humanity or anything, we thought we'd nip that right in the bud. Yep, it looks like the Iconic Christmas Story for 2012 has arrived! In Grand Junction, Colorado, a single mother...