Tag Archives: shootings

  fuck it we'll do it live!

Truthful Newsman Bill O’Reilly Did Too See Those Nuns Shot Dead (No He Didn’t)

O'Reilly, you magnificent bastard, we'll never read your book
Oh hey guys, some shocking and unfathomable breaking news: Bill O’Reilly repeatedly said he was somewhere and saw something when he was not in fact there and did not in fact see that thing — to the fainting couch, we know! — but it’s you liberal pinheads’ fault for not understanding the utter greatness and unimpeachable veracity of Bill O’Reilly, Hero of the People 17 Octogenarians Who Still Watch Cable News. And what did Bill-O — last seen lying about witnessing a JFK assassination figure’s suicide even though he was, you know, in a completely different city — say this time for you dumb hippies to intentionally misconstrue, because something something character assassination something something Benghazi? Read more on Truthful Newsman Bill O’Reilly Did Too See Those Nuns Shot Dead (No He Didn’t)…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

This White Lady In Body Armor Shot All Her Neighbors And Lived To Tell! Your Gun Fun Holiday Roundup!

awwwwwww
Time for another of our periodic check-ins with the good guys what carry guns and keep us safe from tyranny with their steadfast devotion to Responsible Gun Ownership. First off, we have an inspiring tale from Texas, where Friend of Liberty Martin Gaytan regularly posted about his love of guns on Facebook, including a June repost of this inspiring and irrefutable case for why every American needs a gun: Read more on This White Lady In Body Armor Shot All Her Neighbors And Lived To Tell! Your Gun Fun Holiday Roundup!…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

Responsible Gun Owners Take Aim At Traffic, Friends, Insufficient Jizz

Gotta Be Ready
Hey, well-regulated militia, how’s the responsible gun ownership going lately? If we’re doing a Gun Roundup, seems like we’re pretty much required to start with Florida, so here’s a story of a Responsible Gun Owner protecting his life from someone who threatened his rightful place on the road: On Friday, 83-year-old Mario Perez-Tano was stopped at a traffic light in downtown Miami when another driver pulled in front of his Volkswagen Beetle. Perez-Tano blocked in the other vehicle as it pulled out of a tire shop and got out of his car to confront the driver with a .38-caliber handgun, authorities said. That sounds pretty much like what the Founders had in mind! If you don’t take down those who cut you off in traffic, before you know it they’ll be quartering British troops in your living room. Read more on Responsible Gun Owners Take Aim At Traffic, Friends, Insufficient Jizz…
  innocent until proven goofy

Here Is Possibly (Totally) The ‘Sovereign Citizen’ Who Shot A BLM Officer And Cop, For Freedom

So here’s a story that’s just beginning to get some traction: Over the weekend, a California Highway Patrolman and a BLM officer were shot — nonfatally, thank goodness — near a campground in Nevada County, California, in the Sierra Nevada Mountains. Details are still coming out, but authorities have identified the shooter, who was also wounded in the incident, as Brent Douglas Cole, 60. Randall Gross at Little Green Footballs did some searching, and appears to have found Cole’s twitter account and Facebook — he warns that these have not yet been confirmed to belong to the shooter; we would add that it seems fairly likely, however, since the Brent Cole on both those accounts links to a pretty strange bunch of goobletygook “legal documents” (google docs link) filed by Cole in Nevada County. We’ll assume this is probably (but not absolutely) the guy, because how many Brent Douglas Coles are there likely to be in the rural Sierras, by which we mean OF COURSE THIS IS THE GUY, JESUS. And this guy is a real piece of work — a chemtrails enthusiast, birther, and, according to one of his alleged legal filings, a man who’s “being persecuted for being a gun owner” by “unwitting or unknowing accomplices of a seditious conspiracy against rights instituted by foreign powers enimical [sic] to the United States of America.” We can hardly wait for the Stupidest Man on the Internet to proclaim him a “Leftist.” Read more on Here Is Possibly (Totally) The ‘Sovereign Citizen’ Who Shot A BLM Officer And Cop, For Freedom…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

Gun Fun Roundup, American Exceptionalism Edition

Greetings from Wonkette’s brand new Bunker O’ Love, the underground safe room on our Idaho compound where we go to write about guns, gun accessories, and how they have made America great. Today, we have several tales of Great Americans using their guns for personal protection while keeping them in reserve to rise up against the oppressive Federal Government Tyranny that is right around the corner. Let’s see what America’s responsible gun owners are up to this week! Read more on Gun Fun Roundup, American Exceptionalism Edition…
  shooter's facebook postings not yet analyzed

Not Much Known About Washington Navy Yard Shootings, But Guns Definitely Not To Blame

We are at the “Oh Jesus Not Again” phase of the awful news from Washington right now, and if you want accurate, up-to-the-minute reporting, we would suggest that you read an actual news website (we’re mostly going from the Washington Post liveblog). But here is what we seem to know so far, subject to the usual “things are still being confirmed and we should expect further corrections” disclaimer: 12 people are dead, including the shooter, who has been identified as Aaron Alexis, a 34-year-old man from Fort Worth, Texas. He was a civilian employee of the Navy, and may have used a stolen ID to gain access to the base. Read more on Not Much Known About Washington Navy Yard Shootings, But Guns Definitely Not To Blame…
  stupid is as stupid does

Stupidest Man On Internet Proclaims Only Armed Guard Could Have Stopped Newtown If They Were In Exactly Right Spot And Lanza Didn’t Shoot Them First

Stupidest Man On the Internet Jim Hoft has perpetrated more blogging about the Sandy Hook massacre. As usual, he also performs multiple acts of vandalism on facts and logic. Today’s flaming bag of dogshit on the internet’s porch contains one (1) factual error and one (1) wholly specious conclusion. We shall resist the urge to stomp on it, but will rather douse it with the Water Of Fact-Checking and then carefully remove it with the Tongs of Sweet Reason. Read more on Stupidest Man On Internet Proclaims Only Armed Guard Could Have Stopped Newtown If They Were In Exactly Right Spot And Lanza Didn’t Shoot Them First…
  wonkette style section

Shooting People: So Hot Right Now!

A guest post from your comrade Fakakta South. Say goodbye to Ugg boots, throw those skinny jeans in the trash (seriously), the hot new fad these days is just fucking stone cold shooting people! For anyone who pisses you off, gets in your way, or tries to make you show up for court, standing your second amendment ground is the hot new way to deal with ALL of life’s problems! The latest fad to sweep across the land of the free and home of the armed of course started with a “bang” when the original ground-standing pioneer, George Zimmerman, showed that skittles-brandishing bad ass hoodie what for, but it has now spread like small-arms fire to cities and towns across America! We’ve had so many fine examples of how hot this trend is just this week! Read more on Shooting People: So Hot Right Now!…
 

Louis Gohmert Claims ‘FIRST’ In World Comment Thread On Colorado Shootings

In the always-crowded race to become the first public figure to say something incredibly douchey immediately after a tragedy, it would appear that bragging rights go to Rep. Louis Gohmert, (R-TX), who, asked about the shootings in an interview on right-wing radio, took the opportunity to blame the shootings on America’s failure to be Jesusy enough: “You know what really gets me, as a Christian, is to see the ongoing attacks on Judeo-Christian beliefs, and then some senseless crazy act of a derelict takes place,” Gohmert said…. “People say … where was God in all of this?” Gohmert said. “We’ve threatened high school graduation participations, if they use God’s name, they’re going to be jailed … I mean that kind of stuff. Where was God? What have we done with God? We don’t want him around. I kind of like his protective hand being present.” Read more on Louis Gohmert Claims ‘FIRST’ In World Comment Thread On Colorado Shootings…
  you're kidding us

ABC News Should Fire Brian Ross, And Other Notes On Being Terrible

There are 12 people dead and 50 injured at a movie theater in Colorado, including a baby. It’s not as though you can’t look into a suspect’s history after a massacre and report things as they’re confirmed. That’s what the media should do! What the media, and every idiot on the Twitter, should not do, is first seek out a narrow angle that probably has nothing to do with crazy people going crazy — say, “what political party is this insane person in?” — and then get it wrong out of pure laziness. This matters. Let’s shame some people. First up: ABC News should fire Brian Ross. Read more on ABC News Should Fire Brian Ross, And Other Notes On Being Terrible…
  journamalism

NY Post Blames Peaceful Ocupados For (Fake?) Rise In Gun Violence

The wheezy little shadow humans hovering around in the dank caves over at Rupert Murdoch’s terror pamphlet the New York Post sure are devoting an awful lot of comical reporting to the fabrication of elaborate Jesusween bedtime stories about the Occupy Wall Street protesters. It’s like they’re kind of (very) worried or something! The latest strenuous fiction plucked at random — there are several to choose from on any given day — has a variety of anonymous numbers and sources claiming that shootings across the city have risen two billion percent since the protests started on account of the NYPD having too much fun beating up on peaceful protesters to go beating up on actual criminals with guns anymore. That would be sort of embarrassing for the cops, if it were actually true! Read more on NY Post Blames Peaceful Ocupados For (Fake?) Rise In Gun Violence…
  law and order: dads

Loughner’s Annoying Dad Bothered Him On Way To Alleged Murders

Saturday’s shooting spree and attempted assassination in Arizona is a story of senseless violence, mental instability, but also bravery. But also also, it is a story of dads being dads. Dads: Why won’t they leave you alone? Why are they constantly asking you to turn down the music up there? Why are they always trying to mess up your murderous rampage at the local grocery store? GOD, DADS, YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND. Obviously, as Jared Loughner shows us, trying to plan out an assassination when you still live with your parents is the worst. “Get out of my room! I’m trying to work on the grisly murder of a government official and random bystanders! Jeeeeeeeeeez! Can’t I get a little privacy?” Read more on Loughner’s Annoying Dad Bothered Him On Way To Alleged Murders…
  the cracks are cracked

Absolutely Everyone Thought This Kid Was Going On a Shooting Spree

The old cliche when a young man does a shooting rampage is that nobody saw it coming. Nobody thought the kid they knew could do such a thing. Not the case with Jared Loughner. “Oh, finally. Was wondering when he was going to shoot a bunch of people.” This is what the people who knew this kid the past few years are saying. But while this concerned some people, Arizona was never going to try to help him or anything. Personal responsibility! Fix your own mental health! Pew pew pew! What Arizona was interested in was giving this kid his murder weapon and allowing him to conceal it. For them, the only time he did anything out of the ordinary was when a bullet he bought pierced the flesh of an innocent person. Read more on Absolutely Everyone Thought This Kid Was Going On a Shooting Spree…
  america the beautiful

Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords Shot In Arizona (UPDATED)

Jesus, what is it with this country? “U.S. Rep. Gabrielle Giffords of Arizona was shot outside a grocery store in Tucson while holding a public event, Arizona Public Media reported Saturday.” According to reports, she’s been transported to University Medical Center in Tucson, but her condition isn’t known. UPDATE: NPR says she and six others have died. UPDATE 2: Gunman is said to be uninjured and “called out names of people” as he aimed at targets. UPDATE 3: A sheriff of some sort on MSNBC is now saying she is STILL ALIVE. UPDATE 4: On MSNBC, a hospital official says Giffords is alive and currently in surgery. UPDATE 5: Among those killed, according to MSNBC: a federal judge. UPDATE 6: As we await the hospital news conference at 3:30 ET, a report from inside says Giffords was talking on her war into surgery, according to MSNBC. UPDATE 7: State senator on Fox News said Giffords was shot in the temple and the bullet went through her brain and exited her head and that she has made it through surgery and is responsive. UPDATE 8: Arizona district court judge John Roll is the federal judge who was killed, according to Fox News. He was appointed by George H.W. Bush. He and his family received death threats in 2009 for allowing a lawsuit by illegal immigrants. UPDATE 9: Also according to Fox: the shooter was a 22-year-old white male. UPDATE 10: AP says shooter is named Jared Laughner. He’s in custody. UPDATE 11: Status on Giffords is critical condition, according to doctor at the press conference. He expects her to survive. She was shot one time. One dead at his hospital: a nine-year-old child. She’s the victim of a semi-automatic weapon. This sort of thing is apparently something that often happens in Arizona, because Giffords’ staff reported feeling unsafe at town halls in 2009 when an attendee dropped a gun at one of her events. Sure, we joke about Arizona and other states being insane and violent, but here you go: Fine, Arizona. You win. Now stop. Jesus Christ. Keep refreshing this post and we’ll keep you updated. Read more on Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords Shot In Arizona (UPDATED)…
  let wonk'd know if you see him at the coffee shop later

Unarmed Gunman Puts Senate Buildings On Lockdown

Everyone knows the drill. The man allegedly began to make physically threatening gestures toward the officer, which prompted the officer to draw his gun and instruct the man to lay down on the ground. Read more on Unarmed Gunman Puts Senate Buildings On Lockdown…