Tag: shootings

Thank god a white man has finally figured out crime!

Thoughtful Chicago Tribune Columnist Muses About ‘Feral’ Black Boys

It's always refreshing to see a simple explanation for social problems. If the cause is one bad thing, then fixing things must be easy!
Yes, again.

Multiple Casualties Reported In San Bernardino Mass Shooting, Wonder If Guns Were Involved

This post has been updated. Scroll down for the latest. It’s a day in America, so of course there's been another mass shooting -- the second one today. This time, it's in San Bernardino, California, with at least 12 casualties...
My First Militia, new from Playskool

Good Toddlers With Guns Protecting America From Tyranny On Weekly Basis Now

Here's a statistic that all of us in the Republic of The Holy Second Amendment can be proud of: In 2015, there's been an average of roughly one case per week in which children aged three or under have gotten...
Jesus needs to fix everybody in this week's Top Ten.

Dumb Duggars, Bristol Palin And Gross Kevin McCarthy. Your Weekly Top Ten!

Oh hi, Wonkers! It's Sunday afternoon, which means we're going to yammer at you for a minute before we go eat bloody marys for brunch. We hope you are having a nice weekend and your favorite sportsball team is playing in a...
O'Reilly, you magnificent bastard, we'll never read your book

Truthful Newsman Bill O’Reilly Did Too See Those Nuns Shot Dead (No He Didn’t)

Oh hey guys, some shocking and unfathomable breaking news: Bill O’Reilly repeatedly said he was somewhere and saw something when he was not in fact there and did not in fact see that thing — to the fainting couch,...
awwwwwww

This White Lady In Body Armor Shot All Her Neighbors And Lived To Tell! Your Gun Fun Holiday Roundup!

Time for another of our periodic check-ins with the good guys what carry guns and keep us safe from tyranny with their steadfast devotion to Responsible Gun Ownership. First off, we have an inspiring tale from Texas, where Friend of...
Gotta Be Ready

Responsible Gun Owners Take Aim At Traffic, Friends, Insufficient Jizz

Hey, well-regulated militia, how's the responsible gun ownership going lately? If we're doing a Gun Roundup, seems like we're pretty much required to start with Florida, so here's a story of a Responsible Gun Owner protecting his life from...

Here Is Possibly (Totally) The ‘Sovereign Citizen’ Who Shot A BLM Officer And Cop, For Freedom

So here's a story that's just beginning to get some traction: Over the weekend, a California Highway Patrolman and a BLM officer were shot -- nonfatally, thank goodness -- near a campground in Nevada County, California, in the Sierra...

Gun Fun Roundup, American Exceptionalism Edition

Greetings from Wonkette's brand new Bunker O' Love, the underground safe room on our Idaho compound where we go to write about guns, gun accessories, and how they have made America great. Today, we have several tales of Great...

Not Much Known About Washington Navy Yard Shootings, But Guns Definitely Not To Blame

We are at the "Oh Jesus Not Again" phase of the awful news from Washington right now, and if you want accurate, up-to-the-minute reporting, we would suggest that you read an actual news website (we're mostly going from the...

Stupidest Man On Internet Proclaims Only Armed Guard Could Have Stopped Newtown If They Were In Exactly Right Spot And Lanza Didn’t Shoot Them...

Stupidest Man On the Internet Jim Hoft has perpetrated more blogging about the Sandy Hook massacre. As usual, he also performs multiple acts of vandalism on facts and logic. Today's flaming bag of dogshit on the internet's...

Shooting People: So Hot Right Now!

A guest post from your comrade Fakakta South. Say goodbye to Ugg boots, throw those skinny jeans in the trash (seriously), the hot new fad these days is just fucking stone cold shooting people! For anyone who pisses you...

Louis Gohmert Claims ‘FIRST’ In World Comment Thread On Colorado Shootings

In the always-crowded race to become the first public figure to say something incredibly douchey immediately after a tragedy, it would appear that bragging rights go to Rep. Louis Gohmert, (R-TX), who, asked about the shootings in an interview...

ABC News Should Fire Brian Ross, And Other Notes On Being Terrible

There are 12 people dead and 50 injured at a movie theater in Colorado, including a baby. It's not as though you can't look into a suspect's history after a massacre and report things as they're confirmed. That's what...

NY Post Blames Peaceful Ocupados For (Fake?) Rise In Gun Violence

The wheezy little shadow humans hovering around in the dank caves over at Rupert Murdoch's terror pamphlet the New York Post sure are devoting an awful lot of comical reporting to the fabrication of elaborate Jesusween bedtime stories about the...

Riot Police Stormtroopers Fill WI Capitol; Man Wants To Give Crowds Vuvuzelas

Hey look, the black boots have been brought in to protect the state senators and their illegal lawmaking in the locked-down capitol building. Republicans sure do want the protestors to get violent, huh? A fatal shooting is just what...