Certain loser co-editors tell your editor that this Shepard Smith video is “a couple of days old,” and apparently the entire nation watches the teevee at 3 p.m. on weekdays so yeah, OLD NEWS IS OLD, etc., but for maybe the last dozen dignified people in America who DON’T watch the fucking teevee all day, here is Shep calling the entire Fox News audience a bunch of stupid violent nitwits. MORE »

Oh Fox News anchor Shepard Smith, this is so dreamy, the way you yell at the man who loves torturing people. You will probably be fired — not for cursing, but for questioning the awesomeness of torture — but hey, you made a great YouTube here today. No small chickens, that. One more question though: Why do you love the terrorists and hate America? [YouTube via Gawker]

Look, it’s one of your newest pretend boyfriends, Shepard Smith of Fox News, being a Maverick and unloading on comedian Nick Di Paolo for suggesting that the Liberal media was responsible for Obama’s victory. Shep you dirty traitor! More importantly: what the hell is this? They are sitting at a beer pong table in the A/V closet along with some kind of old bagpiper and a house elf in a red sweater. There is an Xbox on the shelf behind Shep Smith. [Salon]

According to Shepard Smith, terrible ice-traffic problems exclusively targeted John McCain voters in Maryland on Tuesday night. Never has such horror been visited upon America since September 11, 2001. Thank god Shep was there to talk us through it all. [FOX News]

Here’s a happy feature story from Shep: The FBI can listen to your conversations even if you’re not on the phone and your mobile is turned off. How? There are little GPS locater devices in all modern cell phones. You can supposedly disable them, but you really can’t. MORE »

Here’s the secret reward Fox News viewers get for putting up with the loud, obnoxious babble all day: Shepard Smith loudly reenacting his apparently character-defining paddlin’ at the hands of the headmaster.

Shepard Smith lets loose on Evil Empire Dude Bill Kristol in this video: MORE »

* Because what the New American Century really needs is some wife-beating nuke-dropping hard asses. Er, rather, more of them. [Crooks and Liars]
* Café Milano and a red carpet do not a celebrity make. Still, it’s good to see the Fox heads acting like a family, it even looks like Shep and Laurie Dhue have the same botox practitioner. [Fox News]
* When Duke Cunningham gets hookers, he only wants the best, and to be the best, ladies, you got to have these. The alarm feature is also good to distract the Federal agents who just busted into the room while you climb out the window. [Fleshbot]

While we’re waiting for the Tony Snow press conference to start, you can watch Snow’s former coworker Shepard Smith, despondent over being passed over for the White House gig, wandering, unloved and depressed, to the Hoover Dam, where, in a final humiliation, he… well, just watch:

In yesterday’s guessing game, we asked you for guesses on two blind items: MORE »

A reader alerts us to IMDB’s recapitulation of a Houston Voice item: “The gay-oriented Houston Voice has ‘outed’ CNN’s Anderson Cooper and Fox News Channel’s Shepard Smith.” We think the scare quotes are there because it’s not really “news.” Seriously: The evidence for Coop is that he once dodged a question about being gay. Well, sure, that, uhm, nails it. MORE »