Wonkette

Shelley “Dracula Cunt” Sekula Gibbs may have lost the previously safe Republican seat in Tom DeLay’s Texas congressional district, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t a fabulous pretend congresswoman for those last few days of the 109th before the actual elected congressman took over this month.

How do we know? Because the loon sent out a press release proudly noting her “perfect attendance record.” Oh, and she took part in 25 roll-call votes. We look forward to the 2012 opening of the Dracula Cunt House Offices Building.

Read the whole bizarre document, after the jump.

MORE »

Now that the 109th Congress is finally over (having ended with a big, stabby bang) we are forced to confront the sad fact that we’ll never again see Make-Believe Congresswoman Shelley Sekula-Gibbs on C-Span, where she has made a little home for herself over this last month, babbling at odd hours to an empty chamber on topics ranging from abortions to the first lady of Azerbaijan. MORE »

As Congress has been out of town all week, we haven’t heard from Pretend Representative Shelley Sekula-Gibbs in a while (she’s the gal from Texas who will keep Tom DeLay’s seat warm for a couple weeks before Dem. Nick Lampson, who actually won the election, shows up). No word yet on just what she said to The Hammer’s staff to cause them to all walk out during her open house, nor on the progress of her investigation into all of them. But from the Houston Press comes this bit of Sekulania: a brief list of just some of the names accepted as write-in votes for Shelley by the Fort Bend County elections office. MORE »

Shelley Sekula-Gibbs, why oh why weren’t you elected for real? In this post-Harris, post-McKinney world, we need you more than ever.

The lame duck Representative from Texas suffered the indignity of having Tom DeLay’s staff walk out on her during her office’s open house. Why? Because she was “mean.”

Or, according to Shelley, because they’re… wait, what the hell is she talking about?

MORE »

It can’t be easy to outrage Tom DeLay’s staff. We have known some of The Hammer’s people, and they’re generally vindictive sleazebag thugs. They even stood out on the Hill. What would it take to make them all quit and stomp off to sulk at Starbucks?

Was Shelley Sekula-Gibbs giving forced abortions to white Christians while listening to Barbra Streisand? Nah. She just demanded that Bush and Cheney show up for her very special swearing in, which violates … sanity, or something. A Wonkette Operative sends the relevant chunk of Bob Novak’s upcoming column, which we’ve kindly hidden after the jump.

MORE »

• Heard on the Hill: Sen.-elect Bob Casey flew into DC first class… Most of the challengers who appeared on Stephen Colbert’s show lost. [Roll Call]
• Reliable Source: Marie Claire photoshopped the picture of Elizabeth Vargas breast-feeding at her anchor’s desk… A couple days before the election, Terry McAuliffe walked into a Syracuse bar, ordered a round of drinks for the house, told everyone to vote “early and often.” He neglected to say who for, and the Democrat lost the district. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: More Shelley Sekula-Gibbs: Nick Lampson won’t be getting her office… Lady journos find Maryland Governor-elect Martin O’Malley hot hot hot! [Examiner]

The mass walkout of DeLay staffers from make-believe Rep. Shelley Sekula-Gibbs’ office (story here) apparently happened while the Post was in her office interviewing her for this goofy, light-hearted profile. It musta been a pretty damn stealthy walk-out. Or a hilarious Fawlty Towers-style theatrical door-slamming farce. MORE »

Shelley Sekula-Gibbs, pretend Congresswoman, will only serve for about ten days worth of actual House sessions. She won a special election to take over Tom DeLay’s seat, then lost the real election to terrorist Nick Lampson. DeLay’s loyal, trained, professional staffers pledged to continue doing the real work of the office while “Rep.” Sekula-Gibbs kept the seat warm. MORE »