Tag Archives: sheldon adelson

  A Personal Relationship With The Lord

Scott Walker Refuses To Provide Transcripts Of Conversations With Nonexistent God

Ayyyyyyyy, this guy!
And so it came to pass that the Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) submitted a lulzy public records request to the office of Christianist Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker. What, FFRF asked, was the substance of the Governor’s conversations with one Jesus H. Christ, formerly of Nazareth? Read more on Scott Walker Refuses To Provide Transcripts Of Conversations With Nonexistent God…
  The Long Grift

Scammy Conservative PACs Fleece Your Grandma With This One Weird Trick

Last week, Mother Jones reported that Mike Huckabee used his PAC to funnel more than $400,000 to his family. This week, Politico’s Ken Vogel gives us a story about scammy conservative PACs that make thousands of dollars from home with just one weird trick. Read more on Scammy Conservative PACs Fleece Your Grandma With This One Weird Trick…
  there can be only one

Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin

Good evening, Des Moines!
It’s a new year, which means government executives all over the country are in the midst of self-congratulatory presentations of cherry-picked accomplishments and passive-aggressively reading lists of future demands. It’s mostly trite and zzzzzzzz but some of them are worth your attention. Well, our attention anyway. You should spend time with the people you love. Read more on Scott Walker Addresses People Of Iowa? New Hampshire? Wait. Wisconsin? Yeah, Wisconsin…
  Oy Gefilte!

Scott Walker Wished Jewish Friends A Merry Jewish Christmas And An Incendiary New Year

And then the kids spin the grenadel
Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker is definitely giving some serious thought to running for president — like, more serious thought than Donald Trump, even — and to do that, he’s going to have to prove that he is a friend of Israel and of The Jews. Not necessarily a friend to the majority of American Jews, who foolishly keep supporting Democrats, despite Ben Shapiro yelling at them, but he needs to at least prove that he’s worthy of some Sheldon Adelson money. And so he makes the appropriate gestures of love for Israel, which is both a great beacon of democracy and a necessary prop that will be needed to bring about the End Times. He even made a point of goysplaining, at a Las Vegas Adelsonfest, that he named his son Matthew, which is Hebrew for “gift from God,” and that he celebrates the Birth of Our Saviour Jesus Christ with both Christmas lights and “a menorah candle.” See, he’s trying real hard! Unfortunately, not every attempt to be hip and fit in works so well, as we are reminded by Madison’s Capital Times. As part of a document dump from last year’s “John Doe” investigations of Walker’s administration, the group One Wisconsin found an amusing artifact from Walker’s pre-governor days, when he was Milwaukee County executive. Franklyn Gimbel, an attorney from Milwaukee, had written about setting up a Chanukah display at the Milwaukee County Courthouse, and Walker enthusiastically replied: Read more on Scott Walker Wished Jewish Friends A Merry Jewish Christmas And An Incendiary New Year…
  everybody must get stoned

Reagan Drug Czar Says Weed Won’t Make You Gay Anymore But Will Still Kill You

Florida: This could be us but you playin'.
On Tuesday, Floridians have an important decision to make at the polls. No, not whether they prefer Medicare fraudster Rick “Bat Boy” Scott or walking bottle of bronzer Charlie Crist as their next governor. We’re thinking of a much more important issue: Should Florida legalize medical marijuana? Read more on Reagan Drug Czar Says Weed Won’t Make You Gay Anymore But Will Still Kill You…
  nice day for a red wedding

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Binge-Watching With MoDo Edition

Today’s Sunday Times is still full of basketball sportsball, with stories on both of those games. SPOILER ALERT: your bracket still sucks. SECOND SPOILER ALERT: the NCAA sucks and is nothing but an elaborate way to make money off kids it turns around and ensures can make no money off themselves at that stage in their lives, and also too the NCAA is an insanely locked down promotional machine. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Binge-Watching With MoDo Edition…
  clipbait

Watch Jon Stewart’s Epic Rant Against SCOTUS’s Campaign Money Decision (Video)

Jon Stewart is pretty good at distilling the absurdity of certain political events into a just few words. Granted, a lot of them need to be bleeped, but with this week’s Supreme Court decision tossing out aggregate limits on campaign donations, there’s plenty to curse about. Now that wealthy donors can write checks for the maximum allowable amount to as many candidates as they want, Stewart says, “the last great hope of preserving our democracy from the corrupting influence of money is carpal tunnel syndrome.” Thank goodness, America is “finally rid of the corrosive influence of not enough money in politics.” Read more on Watch Jon Stewart’s Epic Rant Against SCOTUS’s Campaign Money Decision (Video)…
  #cancelkaili

Republican Goyim Go To Vegas To Dance Hora For Jew Dollars, Hilarity Ensues Oy

In case you missed it because you were taking your bubbe to shul, Republicans gathered in Las Vegas on Saturday to beg Republican Jews — all two and a half of them — to give them Jew dollars for their 2016 presidential aspirations. This is a thing Republicans do sometimes because even though American Jews are overwhelmingly Democrats, and in fact “the most strongly liberal, Democratic groups in U.S. politics,” there is this one Jew and his name is Sheldon Adelson and he has SOOO many Jew dollars and he is not a Democrat. In 2012, he spent eleventy billion trillion and thirteen of his Jew dollars supporting Newt Gingrich, which was a terrific investment for Adelson, since Newt is now our president. So you can see why Republicans think it is very important to woo him. He is also on the board of the Republican Jewish Coalition, which is quite possibly the most meaningless Jewish coalition since Jews for Sarah Palin. (We had a secret Jew meeting a few years back and decided we hate the shit out of Palin. She has failed to endear herself to us since then.) Read more on Republican Goyim Go To Vegas To Dance Hora For Jew Dollars, Hilarity Ensues Oy…
  it gets better

Michele Bachmann Bravely Stands Up For Oppressed Straight People Everywhere

Michele Bachmann leads a rough life. Despite being a Congresswoman, former presidential front-runner, and a national spokesperson for Crazy Eye Syndrome, she has a problem. As a straight person, she is tired of being bullied by the gays all the time. Bachmann recently went on the Lars Larson show to discuss CPAC, and discussed being the victim of bullying, via Right Wing Watch: “And the thing that I think is getting a little tiresome is the gay community have so bullied the American people and they have so intimidated politicians that politicians fear them and they think they get to dictate the agenda everywhere. Well, not with the Constitution you don’t.” When will America come to terms with the decades of oppression faced by straight people at the manicured hands of the gays? And here’s the crazy(er) part: that’s not the craziest thing she said in the interview!  Read more on Michele Bachmann Bravely Stands Up For Oppressed Straight People Everywhere…
  welcome to the jungle

Gingrich Sugar-Daddy Took Our Manhood, Say Peons

If there is one thing you will learn from the workplace accident documentary Extract, it is that losing one ball is the sweet spot in any work-injury claim. Lose both, and the jury can’t identify with you, as they themselves would never — could never — be similarly unmanned. Lose neither, and why are they giving you money again? But lose one, and you are still a man, just barely, your masculinity hanging by a delicate thread. But what if you have both nuts extant, but they have been fried beyond redemption by gamma rays from Mars or whatever because some insane billionaire Newt Gingrich backer insists you x-ray his mail and that lead aprons are for pussies? Well, some stupid peons are trying to find out! Read more on Gingrich Sugar-Daddy Took Our Manhood, Say Peons…
  ban money

Trusty Surrogate John McCain Talks About All That ‘Foreign Money’ Funding Romney Campaign

His lordship St. John McCain is all over the place this week, yelling about popcorn and pigs, on Twitter, demanding leak investigations, whining about how Obama never called him, and, well, how about a little rant about campaign finance now to top off the week? What does McCain, a top Mitt Romney surrogate, think about Sheldon Adelson, the guy footing the bill for Mitt Romney this year? “Much of Mr. Adelson’s casino profits that go to him come from his casino in Macau, which says that obviously, maybe in a roundabout way foreign money is coming into an American political campaign.” Ha ha, he just suggested that Romney’s candidacy is built on foreign money. How does John McCain have so few friends? Sorry, he wasn’t finished: “…We have to have a limit on the flow of money and corporations are not people.” Ohhhhhhhh Walnuts! Read more on Trusty Surrogate John McCain Talks About All That ‘Foreign Money’ Funding Romney Campaign…
  newt's just gonna blow it on cocaine

Newt’s Nutty Super PAC Billionaire Casually Tosses In Another $10M

Looks like there’s some big action today at the few-billionaires-only private dog track more commonly known as the American political system: Nutty Vegas casino warhawk crook Sheldon Adelson — not to be confused with the Santorum-backing “Why are we talking about these slutty sluts when there are Muslim terrorists in Latin America?” eccentric wingnut billionaire Foster Friess — has put down another $10 million on his pet, Newt Gingrich. And why not? He’s worth $21 billion and can control a hilarious presidential candidate for what is effectively zero cost and zero sacrifice to him. Remember, America: The problem isn’t that our politics can be bought, it’s that they can be bought for so damn cheap. Read more on Newt’s Nutty Super PAC Billionaire Casually Tosses In Another $10M…