While all you libtards were just drunkenly having sex last November to create the new army of Kenyan Obama Babies to be born fully formed in His Image this summer, important conservative academics at our nation’s better think tanks were boldly thinking about ways to kill African Sea Pirates with laser weapons. [Heritage.org via Alex Pareene's gchat status]

Many independent voters in this election have had a particular lingering fear about Obama, and we’re not talking about him being black, Muslim, communist, socialist, gay, elitist, Palestinian, the Anti-Christ, French, well educated, a child molester, Hitler, Stalin, sexist, “uppity” or a magical space demon. It is about him being Hawaiian, which is NOT A STATE unless you think *pineapples* deserve their own state. Cokie Roberts tried to discuss this over the summer but got mocked by a bunch of mean liberals. But now it’s not very funny, is it, douchebags, since Barry Obama will usher in a wave of pineapples to Rule Washington in his flowery new homosexual government. MORE »

Rudy Giuliani, facing a well-orchestrated onslaught of coverage of his abortion views, decided the best place to clear things up would be on the radio program of the aggressively psychotic Laura Ingraham. Surprisingly, it didn’t go well. But as long as his Republican opponents remain even dumber than him, he’s not out yet. MORE »

Boy, just when you think Reverend Sun Myung Moon — cult leader, Messiah, owner of the Washington Times, and king of the ocean — can’t get any weirder, he goes and becomes a shark poacher. MORE »

We linked yesterday to this picture of a goofy advertising stunt that has the pleasant unintended effect of blocking the windows of a number of bureaucrats’ corporate hacks’ offices. MORE »