In Canada, they have a form of government that involves things called “legislative assemblies” or something, and a member of the Saskatchewan Legislative Assembly resigned as a secretary to the Premier after he called a fellow lawmaker a “dumb bitch.” Basically, a remark that Nancy Pelosi hears a dozen times a day before breakfast made these poor polite Canadians go into palpitations and resign all over the place. MORE »

Ilkka Kanerva, the 60-year-old Finnish politician who won Wonkette’s heart with his erotic telephone love-notes to a orange-fleshed troll, has been forced to resign his post. The resignation comes after a gossip magazine, Hymy, published two dozen of the messages this weekend, including one that read: “Do you want to do it in some exciting place?” MORE »

Mitt Romney is a savvy businessman with executive experience — that’s why he lost nearly every state primary last night to a broken old man and some guy named “Huckabee.” Today, the Mormon heartthrob will be applying his robust analytical skills to deciding whether or not he should blow another $35 million on his doomed campaign. [CNN]

Awesome Tuesday has turned into Hungover Wednesday. As we sit in our easy chairs with comically large ice packs held to our skulls, let’s remember one important thing: however empty-brained and regretful we feel today, we can still take heart that we are smarter than thousands of morons across this great nation. Because as Walnut King John McCain might say, my friends, my friends, the Super Tuesday voting confusion did not end with the states of Texas and Washington. Who are the country’s stupidest voters? Click the clicky and we’ll join you after the jump. MORE »

Former beauty queen and new governor Sarah Palin has thrilled the nation with her sexy ways, but Alaskans were slow to figure out what a boost the maverick Republican has given to the state, which is somewhere near Russia. MORE »

* “We’re looking at renting a basement to begin rearing 2,000 Michigan-bought Pacific White Shrimp larvae (shrimp are essentially insects) for next spring. It should take four months to have fully grown adults and then we’re gonna have a barbeque like you never saw.” [Talkin' Shit About A Pretty Sunset
* Buying or renting a DC loft is a lot like choosing to look at these pictures of Britney Spears' vagina. Sounds great until it's done, then there's just shame. [Urban Trekker Blog]
* “Let’s be honest… if you’re having sex in a public place you don’t get to be choosy about who is watching you… sometimes nasty trolls watch and you don’t get to say anything if its in the sauna.” [Craigslist]
* Musician’s real names less famous-sounding than fake ones. [MLP's Blog]

HuffPo puts a little more effort into the explanation, but basically, FoxNews’ website has an instructional video in which a “relationship expert” advises college students to have lots and lots of casual sex. No, seriously — go here, scroll down to “FNC IMAG” and click on “Campus Hook-Ups.” MORE »

As July drags on and on and on, it’s important not to get dispirited at the endless boring humid idiocy of a Washington summer. No, better to have your demoralizing happen at the hands of Today’s Cartoons, a never-ending source of thrills and chills for resident cartoon expert the Comics Curmudgeon.

This week on an action-packed Cartoon Violence: The shaming of Kim Jong Il, old people, cartoon characters, white people, and Lady Liberty. Share the embarrassment, after the jump.

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