Tag: sexytime

Totally worth it

Disgraced Gen. Petraeus Might Go To Prison For Being A Sexytime SPY!

Don't you just hate when you get caught sexing a lady what is not your wife and pillow-talking all of America's classified secrets to her? Oh, you don't do that? Then you are not ex-hero Gen. David Petraeus, who...

Larry ‘Wide Stance’ Craig Is Back! And Guilty! Again!

Life is full of important lessons. Look both ways before crossing the street. If you are a professional sportsball player, don’t domestic violence a woman on video. Ladies, don’t get raped. And today, we learn a political lesson: If...
Oh, just EVERYTHING

Your Penis Evolved To Pleasure The Females. It’s Science.

We have f-bombs, stolen cars, everlasting love, and not just SCIENCE!, but sexytime SCIENCE! Smart vaginas? Penis bones? Oh yeah, you know you want to learn about that. So get out of bed, sleepyhead, and pour yourself a cuppa,...

Mississippi School District Thinks Sex Is Like A Box Of Dirty Sticky Used-Up Chocolates

We do not need to tell you that abstinence-based sex education -- or no sex education at all -- does not work, mostly because you are all people that (1) are not teenagers and (2) can't keep it in...

Exciting New Book Allows You To Imagine Sexing Michele Bachmann While Freezing To Death

Not gonna lie. We're big fans of the whole digital revolution thingy, because it means you give us monies to read our blog. Also, too, porn on the internet is so much easier to get than having to steal...

No, Old Handsome Joe Biden Is Not Cool With You Slapping Your Lady (Unless It Is A Sexy Slap)

The sophisticated gentlemens of National Review Online are really, most terribly sorry for maligning our Old Handsome Joe Biden, God Love Him and Keep Him. But why are they sorry? They are sorry they are so bad at Tubechop...

Hey Ladies! GOP To Solve Budget Impasse By Taking Away Your Birth Control (Again)

Guess what? We're a mere three weeks away from yet another government shutdown battle! You're probably not tired of them yet because they're SO MUCH FUN and not tedious or stressful at all, amirite? These cuts come on top...

Cory Booker Will Bring You Some Blankets in His Sexxy New Tumblr

Those shameless libruls are at it again, making jokes about your teenage daughters and black men and THE SEXING. Only this time, these concepts are being strategically interwoven into a new hawt Tumblr, "Cory Booker Hey Girl" (much more...

Hilariously Delusional Geraldo Rivera Thinks TSA Agent Wanted To Sex Him

So, what's today's latest comically over-the-top story from a libertarian/Republican who pretends to care about TSA on righteous civil liberties grounds but mostly wants it privatized and deunionized? Oooh, Geraldo, on Fox & Friends. Well yeah? These always involve...

Nation’s Sexiest Supervisor in Meth-Fueled Sex-Tape Sexytime

Do you see that lady? She is Nadia Lockyer, Alameda County, California, supervisor. Do you see that man? That is her husband, California state Treasurer Bill Lockyer. We know, right? So you could maybe understand why she has been...

Todd Palin’s Alleged Prostitute Releasing Exciting Book About Sex With Todd Palin

Somehow, the Wasilla gravy train has finally run out of steam. What else can explain Todd Palin's alleged Wasilla mistress/prostitute not getting a six-figure book deal for her story? America has finally grown tired of Sarah Palin and her...

Newt Gingrich Wishes You A Very Disgusting Valentine’s Day

Wait, wait, we'll tell you all about Newt Gingrich's plans to get laid tonight in just a second -- that is what you all want to read about, right? -- but first: This Newt Gingrich "Valentine's Day attack site,"...

Prissy Mitt Romney Loves Hawt Sexy Porno Money

Mitt Romney has so many children, he must like sexytime at least a little bit, right? No. Mitt Romney is so prim and sexless, his wife actually had to "be the man" when they made the pregnancies. (Weird religious...

CPAC Once Again Full of Self-Hating Gay Men Hunting For Gay Sex

Like every year at CPAC time, the "no strings attached" sex Internet is busy busy busy with self-hating closeted homosexual Republican men who like to take a break from cheering on homophobic bible clods by going back to the...

Sketchy ‘Activist’ Trying To Sex You Is Just an Undercover Cop, Probably

Do you like to protest against the 1% and also rage against the machine and also find sex partners at the various activist actions? WATCH OUT, and not just for the usual reasons of venereal disease and having some...

Herman Cain Hilariously Spending $$$ Trying To Distract Twitter Users

Hilarious has-been dumblebore Herman Cain will have to drop out of the "anybody but Romney" GOP primary because he has a very busy penis. But in the meantime, what better way to piss away all of his campaign donations...