Tag: sexual abuse

Your modern 'ethical standards' frighten and confuse me

Why Might Former Speaker Denny Hastert Have Rubbed Those Five Boys’ Groins? Hmmmm

In a novel strategy, the attorneys for former House Speaker Dennis Hastert attempted to downplay Hastert's alleged sexual abuse of a minor when he was a high school wrestling coach by arguing that maybe there was nothing particularly sexual...
Going directly to hell for making this meme, do not pass go, BRB.

Duggar BFF Bill Gothard Sorry For Doing Rapey Sex To All Those Ladies, On Their Feets

Last week, we told you that, in the shock of the century, creepy rightwinger homeschooling guru Bill Gothard, the man tasked with teaching young sibling diddlewanker Josh Duggar how to keep his hands out of his sisters' no-no spots,...
BYE YOU DUGGAR-LOVIN' MOTHERFUCKER

Mike Huckabee Yells At Lady To Shut Her Stupid Face About His Poor Duggar Pals

You might not like the politics of conservative cuddlebear Mike Huckabee, and you shouldn't, because they are terrible. But come on, everyone agrees he's so jolly and funny and fun, and even the liberal New York Jew Jon Stewart loved...
Guys, shut up, we know this did not happen in the Dead Poets Society movie film.

Looks Like Things Got Pretty Rapey At Tucker Carlson’s Nice Christian Prep School

Hey Wonkerinos, sorry to be bringing you all these stories about rape and sexual abuse on an otherwise pleasant Thursday, but here's a thing: Rhode Island State Police are investigating allegations of sexual abuse of more than two dozen students...
He's super pals with Mike Huckabee too!

Duggar Guru And Hobby Lobby BFF Bill Gothard Maybe A Rapist, No Big

Once upon a time, Josh Duggar was a little boy who had just fingerbanged a bunch of his kinfolk, and because he was very, very bad, his parents sent him off to "therapy" with a "family friend" in Little...
Check THIS out, kids!

Cure Your Crotch Weasels The Christian Way: Put A Ring On It!

There comes a time in every Christian youngster's life when he or she has a burning case of the crotch weasels and doesn't know what to do. Go to the doctor? Meh, that's for liberals. Go to church? Now you're...
Truly.

U.S. Military Letting Afghan Allies Rape Boys On American Bases, So That’s Gross

Here's a nice and horrifying story for you. The New York Times reports that in our completely necessary Freedom War in Afghanistan, the United States military has told soldiers and Marines to please ignore the fact that American-trained Afghan military...
OOOH DADDY WE GET TO DO TEEVEE AGAIN!

God Has New Plan For Duggars To Get Rich On TV

Hey, nasty Duggar family, what's going on this week? Has the Lord put a word on your hearts about how the new way He's going to use your son's little molestation problem to spread His message throughout the kingdom, on...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Activist Court Says De-Gaying Hot Naked Dudes Is ‘Fraud’ Somehow

Greetings to all you salacious sodomite sinners! Once again we are proud to present your weekly compilation of the latest and greatest in news of the supernatural, the supernormal, and the superdumb. It's the Snake Oil Bulletin! No doubt you deviants...
OOOH DADDY WE GET TO DO TEEVEE AGAIN!

What Are Dumb Duggars Trying To Hide Now?

If your family was once famous for making babies all day long, every day, for Jesus, but now it's known as that sick reality TV star family that covered up the oldest son's repeated sexual molestation of his kid...
Not A Duggar.

Duck Dynasty Dude Was Molested Too, And Not Just By Family’s Gross Religious Beliefs

The fundamentalist wackaloon "Duck Dynasty" family still exists, and youngest son Jep Robertson has decided now is a good time to come forward with his own story about being a reality teevee star who was molested as a child. (Not...
But Jesus forgave us!

The Duggar Interview: Why Won’t The Liberal Media Stop Molesting Our Kids?

Did you watch the EXCLUSIVE Megyn Kelly interview with Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar last night? The one where Megyn Kelly said she wasn't going to give them some sort of interrogation about how their son Josh molested his...
Suspect tends to have a visible erection at all times.

Homeschooling Hero Wants You To Stop Being Mean To Righteous Kid-Diddler Josh Duggar

So a short while back that feels like a million years ago now, we quite presciently told you Josh Duggar proves "reality shows are bad, the Duggars are the worst, bigots are terrible, and don’t homeschool your kids." And that...
Be quiet so the judge can say sex words to you!

Alaska Judge In Big Trouble, Just For Saying Rapey Words To Everybody

Meet your new favorite judge in America, Wonkers! He is Nome Superior Court Judge Timothy Dooley, and he is being officially reprimanded by the Alaska Commission On Judicial Conduct, just because he has a habit of saying some very...
America's sweethearts

TLC: What If We Did A Show About The Duggars Who DON’T Diddle Little Girls?

With all the revelations of the past week that Josh Duggar, eldest son of Jim Bob and the Clown Car Vagina, molested five girls that we know of, including four of his sisters, when he was a teenager, one...
OOOH DADDY WE GET TO DO TEEVEE AGAIN!

Guess Who’s Mixed Up In Duggar Family Sex Crimes Now? Hobby Lobby, Of Course!

According to the official police report, after Josh Duggar's parents found out he was molesting his sisters, and they spent a year doing NOTHING about it, Jim Bob Duggar sent his son for counseling with a "family friend" who was...