Vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin visited some tragic retirement community in Florida on Sunday to receive the ceremonial Giant Pink Dildo of Fate. It is considered “safe” because it does not contain melamine. Thanks to Mark for bringing this throbbing 4-foot penis to our attention. UPDATE: MORE »

We’ve been so busy with the crucial Chris Peden/Paultards and Obama/Hillary races that we totally neglected to write about the true winners in Texas: People who like to legally own their various dildos and sex devices. A federal appeals court in amoral New Orleans has finally made it legal for Texans to own a half-dozen erotic toys. The ruling was announced on Valentine’s Day, which is super romantic. MORE »

John W. Rogers has served for 25 years in the Alabama House of Representatives and he wants to help “[bring] the state into the 20th century” by helping Alabamans of diverse backgrounds , um, come together (or separately, depending on their interests). He’s introduced for the second time a bill to eliminate the ban on the sale of sex toys in the state. That ban recently survived a first amendment challenge at the U.S. Supreme Court and the death of a Baptist preacher in Cocktober which showed the state that banning their sale prevents no one - including preachers - from shoving dildoes up their butts while hogtied and wearing two wetsuits.

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The intrigue never stops at Dick Cheney’s Official Residence:

found leather c***ring at Naval Observatory - m4m
Reply to: pers-247511078@craigslist.org
Date: 2006-12-11, 5:43PM EST
if you “lost” the leather c***ring with the brass snaps in the bathroom of Bldg 56 of the Naval Observatory, contact me to reclaim. i’m dying to know who you are.

Missed Connections [Craigslist]
Earlier: Inside the Monster’s Lair: Cheney Residence Fotos!

• Foley’s replacement on the GOP ticket in Florida has never even heard of himself. [TPMMuckraker]

• It wasn’t just teenage boys. Mark Foley also liked to “cut open illegal Ecuadorian immigrants and fuck their still pumping aortas.” [Rude Pundit]
• Democrats send out email blast about Foley without even blog-level fact checking. [Washington Wire]
• Ben Stein calls Democrats pedophile-enablers. [Hit & Run]
• Supreme court upholds Texas ban on dildos; loophole exists if they’re used for, “legislative, judicial or law enforcement purpose .” [Pandagon]
• Is Pennsylvania Congressional candidate Don Sherwood gonna have to choke a bitch? [YouTube]
• Ah, Britain — where paging a terrorist to remind him to board a plane is still considered funny, not a felony. [YouTube]
• How will Iraq, sex scandals, and the economy affect the midterm election? Just watch the share price — if anybody can see the future it’s coked-up Wall Street gambling addicts. [Tradesports]
• In Gonzales’ Justice Department, anything goes. Seriously, margaritas at lunch and Friday’s No-Pants day. [Above the Law]
• “Funny” Mark Foley t-shirts. [Spreadshirt, CafePress]

• George Bush wants to stick all 4 inches of his ” fat headed stub” into your ass, and not like metaphorically over gas prices or anything. [Fleshbot]

• Osama Bin Laden totally not dead, just filming new episodes for this season’s Survivor: Waziristan. [Stop The ACLU]
• Scooter Libby, who would be late to his own funeral, was late to his hearing today, and avoided his own funeral. [TalkLeft]
• 7-Eleven terminating supply contract with Venezuelan owned CITGO gasoline to sell its own brand of gas that will presumably come in “Motormelon” and “Octane Chill” varieties. [Hot Air]
• Cancel the Mandarin classes, China’s going bust. [Global Guerrillas]
• Katherine Harris’s campaign office in Sarasota is a great place to get your drink on, says omniscient Google maps. [Herald-Tribune]
• Rising expectations infect bloggers, being invited to the White House no longer good enough. [Hotline on Call]
• Washington Times HR Director tries to lay his hands on some underage human resources. [Fishbowl DC]

Drudge got us all excited there for a second: MORE »

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Please note, as reflected in the purple-versus-blue colors for the hyperlinks, that we have not visited the sites for “LoveHoney UK Sex Toys” and “Dr Joel Kaplan (The Original) Penis Pump.” MORE »

It’s a good thing that we get to enjoy the pony that’s been hidden in slavery, because for the people of Mississippi, it could be a long time before they get to enjoy anything hidden in their vaginas. MORE »