Cartoon Violence Refuses To Help Its Fellow Man
Friday, October 23rd, 2009
By the Comics Curmudgeon
Hello, readers, and welcome to a very special Carton Violence, in which we will turn our eyes away from the foul nightmare that is the editorial pages, and to the innocent, carefree comics pages, which are probably in the back of the section with the TV listings in your local paper! (Ha ha, just kidding, I realize none of you actually read the “paper”.) Do you know that this Saturday is National Make A Difference Day, when you’re supposed to, like, volunteer or something? Of course you don’t, and here’s why: because the White House apparently decided that the best way to publicize this to the masses was to encourage the writers of newspaper comic strips to plant pro-volunteering propaganda in their word-and-picture boxes. Do they think that it’s 1955? Isn’t this the same group of people who won a presidential election entirely by using Twitter? Anyway, the results, as you’ll see after the jump, are mostly laughable and terrible, when they aren’t actively offensive.
An Oklahoma sheriff has quit his post after being charged with committing pretty much every sexual crime in the book against a number of female prisoners. For example, “rape by instrumentation.” If he’s convicted, he may serve up to 467 years in prison. Join us on a terrible sex tour of all the foul horrors former Custer County Sheriff Mike Burgess may have committed! 
Above, a selection from the November 13, 1997 Congressional Record. The speaker is Representative Ralph Hall (R-TX) and the subject is, of course, sex slavery in something called the Northern Mariana Islands (apparently we own them?). Like most stirring congressional rhetoric, these words were in response to a Readers’ Digest article, and were suggested/written by the office of super-lobbyist Jack Abramoff, who, along with li’l ol’ Tom DeLay, was doing a bit of business with said Islands. The gist: the sex slave was asking for it dressed like that. 
It was irresponsible of us to refer to memoirist Kola Boof as a “sex slave” in 
Kola Boof, Osama bin Laden’s former sex slave (she of the 