Ex-California state assemblyman Mike “Sticky Carpets” Duvall — more commonly known as The Cum Goblin — has something to say regarding his resignation yesterday, which came after a video was published of him bragging to a fellow legislator about having hot hot sex with various lobbyists, all the time, spanking them, spilling semen everywhere, playing them off of each other, etc etc: “I want to make it clear that my decision to resign is in no way an admission that I had an affair or affairs. My offense was engaging in inappropriate story-telling and I regret my language and choice of words.” Oh, Cum Goblin. [Mike Duvall]

Another victim felled by the Internets, it seems: Republican California legislator Mike “Sticky Carpets” Duvall has resigned freaking already, for being disgusting. The statement on his website: “I am deeply saddened that my inappropriate comments have become a major distraction for my colleagues in the Assembly, who are working hard on the very serious problems facing our state. I have come to the conclusion that it would not be fair to my family, my constituents or to my friends on both sides of the aisle to remain in office. Therefore, I have decided to resign my office, effective immediately, so that the Assembly can get back to work.” And I can get back to fuckin’! Oh man, what a bummer. We hadn’t nearly exhausted the nickname possibilities for Mike “Jizz Raptor” Duvall yet. [Duvall for Assembly]

MARK FOLEY HAS A RADIO SHOW! YOU REMEMBER MARK FOLEY YES? Former Republican congressman and young male page-stroker Mark Foley has a new job, in this economy! Beginning September 22nd he will host his very own radio show out of North Palm Beach, Florida, called “Inside the Mind of Mark Foley.” So there’s that. [TPM]

Republican Michael D. Duvall, a California state assemblyman representing Orange County, loves family values and ethics, and thus is a member of the Rules Committee. Another thing he loves is pussy. He enjoys telling his assembly buddies about all of the sweet, sweet non-wife trim he gets on the side, with lobbyist gals. Unfortunately, open mics sometimes catch these conversations. If you want to see what this 54-year-old has to say about cum, click the clicky! MORE »

BLAST YOU JIM McGREEVEY. Once upon a time the former governor of New Jersey was so funny, with his exotic “gay American” ethnicity and his alleged sexyhot TGI Friday’s Three-for-Alls with his wife and another dude. But now he is just some nice seminary student trying to help ex-cons re-enter the workforce, and you can’t really wring a lot of comedy out of that. Read the interview anyway! He seems like a nice man! Nicer than shitty old Jon Corzine. [Inside Jersey Magazine]

Jenny Sanford and the four Sanford kids recently fled the South Carolina governor’s mansion with their Dignity, leaving Mark to stew alone in a massive house filled to the rafters with the stench of Disgrace. He says it is “hard,” living alone, like a ghost. MORE »

JENNY SANFORD & KIDS MOVE OUT LIKE WHOA: The Sanfords are back from their merry two-week jaunt to the country Europe! So… how’d it go??? “First Lady Jenny Sanford announced Friday she is moving with her four sons to Charleston and will no longer live in the Governor’s Mansion.” NOT WELL, EH? The State even has a photo of Jenny and her slave haulin’ boxes. Again: good call with the prolonged affair in Argentina there, Mark! Gotta feel sorry for the four rugrats. [The State]

According to “Wonkett” bylaws, everything Larry Craig does is 30% funnier by virtue of the fact that it was done by Larry Craig, the winsome bathroom goblin who repeatedly tried to appeal his own guilty plea after he was arrested in a “cruisy toilet” looking for a hot slice of man to get down with. The former senator has opened a consulting firm and has four whole clients! How much would you pay for his professional advice? MORE »

If we are to believe recent news reports, the C Street clubhouse hosts many dudes — okay, two or three dudes — who at one time or another found comfort in the arms of ladies who were not their wives. But wait! Wasn’t this a Bible study group or something, in addition to being a Capitol Hill boarding house for adulterers? Yes — which might explain the wildly hedonist shenanigans that took place in that den of foulness, according to Rep. Pete Hoekstra. MORE »

Comical Italian hump-monster Silvio Berlusconi is always getting into scrapes — sexual scrapes, that is! The latest involves an audio tape, released to an Italian newspaper, purporting to be the prime minister and a 42-year-old escort talking about sex things, such as masturbation, immediately after they had sex together. She taped the whole thing with her cell phone, the naughty minx! Italian speakers, enjoy. [The Guardian, L'espresso]

As a famous statistician once said, “Three data points make a trend,” and that is why we can now confidently announce that the Bible study-group-slash-frat house known as the C Street Group stands at the cutting edge of the marital infidelity movement. MORE »