THE SAD ROMANTICAL BALLAD OF MARK SANFORD: “Of course, when you’re a middle-aged man facing the collapse of your life’s work and abandoning hope of being with the woman you call your ‘ soul mate’ rational decision making or a clearly considered plan may be too much to expect.” Illustration by our pal Lauri. [TPM]

• ARREST MARK SANFORD FOR WAR TREASON! Now that Mark Sanford has arbitrarily admitted that he saw Ms. Lady from Argentina seven times instead of three in the past year, and that he fingered millions of other ladies, he will finally be rendered to Azkaban for war crimes: “COLUMBIA, South Carolina (CNN) — The attorney general of South Carolina on Tuesday asked the state law enforcement division to review Gov. Mark Sanford’s travel records after the governor admitted to more visits with his mistress than previously disclosed.” [CNN]

Ever gotten one of those wacky “trivia for reading on the toilet” sorts of books for your birthday, the kind that says, “an antiquated law in Missouri dictates that anyone who puts a mule in a bathtub must be publicly flogged”? Here is another bit of trivia you might find in such a book: apparently South Carolina decreed in 1880 or so that adulterers must pay up to $500 in fines and serve a year in jail. MORE »

• WHAT’S GROSSER THAN GROSS? “While he was unpacking, Young discovered a videocassette, according to the book pitch. Hunter had been hired by the Edwards campaign to videotape the candidate’s movements, but this one is said to have shown him taking positions that weren’t on his official platform.” [New York Daily News]

On Friday night the New York Times, a well-known snarky DC gossip blog, suggested that a guy who briefly dated Mark Sanford’s ladyfriend may have leaked a bunch of emails to Sanford’s hometown newspaper. But now Sanford’s ladyfriend is denying it, saying that the accused leaker in question “is an excellent, respectable and honorable man incapable of making anything similar to that.” So who is responsible for sharing these embarrassing emails with the world? MORE »

The diligent worker bees at MSNBC have generated a dozen and a half or so names of prominent politicians who have been caught in the past decade sticking their parts into ladies who were not their wives, or expressing an interest in sticking their parts into gentlemen or boys who were not their wives either. It’s a sad day for feminism, as nobody can seem to think of any women politicians who sleep around. [First Read]

• SOMEONE’S BEEN SITTING ON A STORY: Important journalism newspaper The State has released some e-mails between Sanford and “Maria” that they obtained (how??) last December. Fap away! [The State]

Hmm, so that important meeting that Haley Barbour had with assorted Washington fancies on Monday night … folks thought it was all just prelude to a 2012 run, but might it have had something to do with the whole Sanford affair? Because now Barbour is the new head of the Republican Governors Association — at least, until he confesses to an illicit romantical affair with a South American canasta champion. MORE »

A “real life” e-mail sent from John Ensign’s office today:

“Good Afternoon-

This is Jessica from Ensign’s office. I am trying to find out if anyone has any openings for interns. I have some really great interns that want to relocate to another office. If you have anything or know of someone who does please let me know.

Thanks for your help.

Jessica L. Walton
Administrative Manager/Intern Coordinator”

Oh buck up and stand by your man, interns! We guarantee you’ll learn more about Washington than all other Hill interns combined. [The Sleuth]

Sad disgraced Senator John Ensign, who admitted yesterday to a boring affair with a consenting adult female while he was separated from his wife, obviously cannot lead the Senate Republican Policy Committee anymore because of … fucking? WHATEVER. He cannot function as a credible conservative voice if he has already confessed publicly to putting his ween in a lady, that is the point. So now he’s no longer the #4 Republican in the Senate … which, oddly enough, positions him perfectly for a 2012 presidential run as “the Comeback Kid.” Just you wait! [Bloomberg]

Right now we’re seeing about… one? two? Two more days of caring about this John Ensign sex affair, tops. First of all, it was with a woman, presumably of age. Did this guy forget what party he’s in? Second, when he had the affair, he was separated from his wife. That’s just a sledgehammer to the comedic possibilities here. Does that even count as “cheating?” Maybe some of you married fools can explain. The only good part of this scandal is that this lady was married to another campaign staffer of his. But without PIX… well maybe we will never write about this scandal again. Back to IRANIAN TWITTER we go… [YouTube]