Tag: sex scandals

Arkansas Perv Judge Resigns To Spend More Time Sex-Spanking White Boys, Probably

So we've got spanky-spanky, sexual favors, child porn, anything else to make sure this guy goes down in the history books as just a really great judge?

Ted Cruz Did Not Put His Extramarital Penis On DC Madam Ladies, He SWEARS!

Oh Ted Cruz. You know, of all the people in the political universe we want to be imagining sex scandaling his dong into assorted ladies or gentlemen, Ted Cruz is not one of them. Ew yuck breakfast gone. BUT...

Listen To Alabama Governor Talk About Touching Dirty Pillows Of Not His Wife!

Tummy feeling too normal? Haven't thrown up even once today? WE'RE HERE TO HELP. Consider this tape of Alabama Governor Robert Bentley (R - Jesus) threatening to touch the #boobs and the "under" of Not His Wife, Rebekah Caldwell...

Alabama Governor Didn’t Bone That Lady, Sexism Boned That Lady!

Oh great, now it's time to hear from the woman Republican Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley DID NOT have physical relations with. Honest! He may have penis-lusted after her in his brain, but he did not brain-lust her with his...
Oh look, they are kissing. Bet they're about to do some "mission work" to each other's bathing suit areas.

Dumb Duggar Kids Admit Mission Trip Is Basically Sexxxy Beach Vacation For Jesus

YR WONKET CALLED IT, MUST CREDIT WONKET! You people out there in internet-ville think oh, Wonkette is such a gas, the way they make up silly stories about how Jill Duggar and her long lanky sex penis "Derick Dillard"...

Future Not-Speaker Jason Chaffetz Very Sad He Found Bupkis On Planned Parenthood

So this smegma-guzzling ferret, Rep. Jason Chaffetz of Utah, we were talking about him just the other day, remember? Because HAHAHAHA he thinks maybe he will be the next Drinker of the House. (Spoiler: He will not.) We ran through...

Arizona Tea Party Hero Rep. Thinks All This Congressional Chaos Is A Blast!

With the Republican Party in COMPLETE DISARRAY, it's nice to know that at least one guy is having himself a ball! Arizona Rep. David Schweikert sponsored that whackadoodle Secret Science Reform Act of 2014, to allow tinfoil hat-wearing internet trolls their constitutional...
Classic pulp covers just don't account for women as equal participants in legislative diddling

It Turns Out We Weren’t Kidding About Kevin McCarthy’s Sex Scandal. Huh!

Remember a long, long time ago, when we told you John Boehner was quittin' this here speaker job, probably because SEX SCANDAL? And you were like, Oh, Wonkette, LOLZ, you're so funny, with the jokes, that's why we love...

House Republicans Having No Good Very Bad Day. Let’s Point And Laugh At Them!

It's hard out there for a Republican member of Congress right now, and not just because everyone in America, including their fellow Republicans, hates their maggot-infested guts. First, John Boehner tells his caucus he is sick of their bullshit,...

RINO Kevin McCarthy Drops Out Of Speaker’s Race To Spend More Time Not Being Speaker

So ... remember how we told you that Conventional Wisdom had already elected House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy to fill John Boehner's falling-down-drunk speaker shoes, once he gets the hell out of dodge at the end of this month?...
Wonder if they have this book?

Sexy Republican Lawmakers Sorry For ‘Exchanging Documents’ In Each Other’s Pants

Did you hear about these two crazy kids in Minnesota? They are Republican state Reps. Tim Kelly and Tara Mack, and they are married, but not to each other. They were caught doing normal Republican legislator stuff to each other...
Whatcha workin' on there, Dave?

Family Values Sen. David Vitter Does Not Want To Talk About That Time He Banged Hookers, OK?

Louisiana Sen. David Vitter is known for many things: being a dick to poors; being a dick to gays; being a dick to women; being a dick to first-generation Americans; being a dick to every single one of President Obama's nominees; being a dick...
Maybe this is happening because Jesus hates you.

Oh No, Josh Duggar’s Cheatin’ Penis Makes The Family Values Crowd Look Bad!

Oh no, Josh Duggar has strayed from his Christian marriage by getting on the internet to find strange hoo-ha to dip his Duggar Stick into, and the Family Research Council, AKA the Southern Poverty Law Center-designated "family values" hate group where...

Lazy Slut Who Did No Work Dinesh D’Souza ‘Resigns’ From Million Dollar Christian College Prez Gig

Dinesh D'Souza: Not having the greatest of all possible weeks? Just a couple days after the revelation that got engaged to and/or shared a hotel with his new lady without technically getting divorced from his old one (and...

Ill. Senator Mark Kirk Turns Out Not To Be Gay, Actually Has Tons Of Lady Problems

Mark Kirk is the Republican who ran to succeed beloved Greatest Senator Ever Roland Burris, and you probably remember him for two reasons: that he was rumored to be gay, and that his ex-wife stopped supporting his campaign because...

Elderly Iowa Candidate Caught Trying to Prostitute Himself

Cocktober, you left us too quickly! So what is this now, "Nov-member?" Hm. We will have to work on the name. Meanwhile, here is the month's inaugural illicit political sex story: Ben Clifford Dawson, smiling here like a wicked...