No sooner did word break last March that New York governor Eliot Spitzer had been patronizing hookers than it devolved into deep unsexiness. We’re talking about Spitzer, after all, one of the least desirable humans on the planet! He refused to take off his socks during sexytime. His “high-class” hooker was just some Jersey girl with bad tattoos and a history of drug abuse. Eliot Spitzer made prostitution boring again. MORE »

• JOE TRIPPI SAYS EDWARDS SABOTAGE PLOT RUMORS ARE ‘COMPLETE BS’: Whaaaa? Does this mean somebody lied to our precious George Stephanopoulos? Prove it, Trippi. [JoeTrippi.com]

Yesterday all we knew about this fellow Chris Ortloff was that he had been arrested in a hotel room with some manner of sex devices on his person and an alleged intention to do dirty things to a minor or minors. Now we learn the nature of the devices (garden variety, alas) and the intended victims (fake 11- and 12-year-old sisters). MORE »

One of the weirder angles on the John Edwards Sex Scandal is the part where the guy who says he’s Rielle Hunter’s baby daddy, Andrew Young, has to live in the same weird compound (OK FINE A “GATED COMMUNITY”) in North Carolina as Rielle Hunter, and then they all have to move to California, together, with their families, including Mrs. Young and their three children, because they are all in a terrible sex-induced Witness Protection Program. MORE »

Jay McInerney used to love dating crazy broads and doing a lot of blow, back in the 80s, when it was considered un-American not to walk around with a cocaine mustache and a persistent case of chlamydia. During these halcyon days, he dated the craziest broad of them all: Lisa Druck, who went on to change her name to “Rielle Hunter” and attain universal revile for her terrible use of fonts in John Edwards’ painfully embarrassing presidential campaign “Webisodes.” Now Jay McInerney’s publisher is reprinting a book he wrote in 1988 called Story of My Life, which is told from the point of view of a Hunter-like character, so now you too can read second-person descriptions of what it is like to have furtive futuristic time-machine sex with John Edwards in his Dirt Palace. Hint: the name he calls out in the throes of passion is his own. [Baltimore Sun]

Oh goody, we are now at the “blame John Edwards for pretty much everything” stage of the Edwards Was A Baby Mamma scandal. Somehow the mortgage meltdown and the brand-new war in Georgia will turn out to be his fault, but we’ll leave it to Sam Stein to uncover those crucial links. In the meantime, former Clinton communications director Howard Wolfson has found something else to blame on John Edwards: the implosion of the Clinton candidacy. MORE »

Sexy text-messager Kwame Kilpatrick doesn’t want his “legal problems” to reflect poorly on Barack Obama, so he won’t be attending a rally to support the candidate in Detroit today. “Legal problems” is certainly one way of putting it! Pretty much everybody in the Detroit metropolitan area has tried to get Mayor Kilpatrick to resign after it came out that he and his staffer ladyfriend basically got a cop fired and later lied about it, all so that they could keep texting each other about how much they wanted to LOL each other in a sexy fashion at the Benz Chili Bowl. Naturally, when the city council tried to fire him he vetoed the motion because that would be Undemocratic. MORE »

Outrage has swept the nation following revelations that New York Governor Eliot Spitzer probably paid $4300 to meet with a high-priced call girl in Washington D.C. Sure, everybody’s horrified and baffled that such a straight shooter would violate the sacred marital bond and betray his constituents’ trust. But the real puzzler is this: isn’t $4300 a little on the steep side for a lady of the night? Who does this guy think he is, Howard Hughes? MORE »

Who wasn’t surprised yesterday when Drudge posted a developing story about supposed Edwards-mistress Rielle Hunter being pregnant (even though it was from the National Enquirer)? Who wasn’t then further surprised to see no mention of it on the NE’s site until this morning (though it was re-posted here much of yesterday afternoon) and Drudge’s link not working for more than 12 hours? Hrm. Interesting.

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Former Senate staffer Mike McHaney, who’a arrest Wonkette reported yesterday, belonged to an informal gay social group known as the Axis of Fun. The group, a source tells us, is not very well-liked. “They think they are the big shots within the gay community around DC and play kickball together and canoodle around Rehobeth.” MORE »

This has been a really bad week for D.E. Paulk, the head pastor at the Cathedral of the Holy Spirit at Chapel Hill Harvester Church (a megachurch outside of Atlanta). The church at which he is head pastor has been engulfed in a series of sex scandals due to the actions of his uncle and, to a lesser degree his father. Only — whoops — it turns out the two men were kind of hard to tell apart (at least for his mother).

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