Tag: sex scandal

History's Greatest Monster, 2016 Edition

Wonder What Donald Trump And Clinton Conspiracy Loon Ed Klein Chatted About Over Lunch

So here's a thing that happened in Indianapolis Monday: Donald Trump had lunch with his now-exonerated Head Thug Corey Lewandowski, his social media director (and former golf caddie) Dan Scavino, and a dude who isn't officially part of the...
He feels just awful about all this, no more questions

Horndog Ol’ Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley Had Sex Chats With God, All Is Forgiven

a href="http://wonkette.com/600056/listen-to-alabama-governor-talk-about-touching-dirty-pillows-of-not-his-wife">Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley would like you all to just hush up now about all the sexxytimes he didn't have with his chief political advisor (and not-wife), Rebekah Caldwell Mason, because he and the LORD have talked it...

Hillary LOLs At Benghazi Republicans, Sarah Palin Talks To God. Your Weekly Top Ten

Oh hello, Wonkers, how are YOUR family jewels hanging right now? You are probably thinking "Uh, Wonket, BUY A CALENDAR, MORAN," because the Top Ten post is supposed to be on Sundays, RIGHT? What is Wonket, some kind of...

Congress Gives Paul Ryan Speaker’s Gavel, To Choke On

What a long strange stumble down the stairway to hell for Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan. Sorry, Paul "D, as in Dingleberry Double Douche Didn't Want The Job Anyway" Ryan. The boy wonder policy wonk who crafted a "budget" his beloved...

Paul Ryan Grabs His Ankles For GOP Wingnuts, Will Be Speaker Until They Kill Him Too

A super SEXCITING thing happened on Capitol Hill on Thursday. Yes, Hillary Clinton became president during the Benghazi hearing, doy, but we're talking about the other sexciting thing: the end of Rep. Paul Ryan's political future! Ryan had reluctantly agreed to run for speaker of...

House Wingnuts Will Let Paul Ryan Be Speaker, But Only If He Wears ‘Kick Me’ Sign

Previously, on "As The House GOP Burns": Wonky Wisconsin Wunderkind Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Stairway To Heaven) had reluctantly agreed to swoop in and save the damsels in distress. The damsels in distress being, of course, the Republicans who have eated...
lying liar who lies

Paul Ryan Agrees To Be Next GOP Speaker To Resign In Disgrace

T'was mere weeks ago that we said Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan was not quite idiot enough to agree to be the next speaker of the House. Well, fool us twice and can't get fooled again. After weeks of pathetic...
Nothing weird in this relationship, no sir.

Pervy Virginia Dem Who Won Election From Jail Will Marry Teen Secretary, Rule Galaxy

In a pleasant change of pace, here's a reminder that there are lots of gross people out there whose last name doesn't rhyme with "fugger": Weird former member of the Virginia House of Delegates Joe Morrissey is getting married...
He feels right bad about that. Can't we all be friends, especially with genocidal war-crimers?

Missouri Family Values Republican Sorry For Sexting Co-Ed, Ready To Forget This Ever Happened

Missouri House Speaker John Diehl -- Republican, family man, church-goer, and opponent of marriage equality because "tradition" and "the children" -- is very, very sorry y'all found out about his sexxxytime texting with a college freshman and telling her...
Enjoyest thou intern, sayeth the Lord

Family Values Republican Says Marriage Is Only For Straights And Married Dudes Who Sext Interns

Oh what have we here? Why, it's a Republican sex scandal. Our favorite! This time, it's Missouri House Speaker John Diehl, and he's been a bad bad boy. According to some ewwww gross texts obtained by the Kansas City...
Totally worth it

You’ll Never Guess Why Fox Thinks Sexytime Leaker Gen. Petraeus Is Being Framed Now!

Wingnutty Expert on Everything Andrew Napolitano was all over Fox News Monday and Tuesday to float his expert opinion on why former CIA director David Petraeus is maybe going to face criminal charges for being a Gangster of Love....
Totally worth it

Disgraced Gen. Petraeus Might Go To Prison For Being A Sexytime SPY!

Don't you just hate when you get caught sexing a lady what is not your wife and pillow-talking all of America's classified secrets to her? Oh, you don't do that? Then you are not ex-hero Gen. David Petraeus, who...

Now There Is A New Monica Lewinsky Sex Tape, Because Why The Hell Not, This Country, Jesus

In what ways does this “new sex tape of Monica Lewinsky” suck worse than a thing billed thus should suck? One, it’s not a videotape; it’s just Monica Lewinsky talking semi-dirty on an audio cassette or auto-electro-gramophone or enchanted...

Chuck Grassley’s Got This Whole Secret Service Problem Covered, You Guys

Oh dear, Sen. Chuck Grassley snuck out the window again after lights-out, and now he's leading inquiries into the Secret Service sex scandal. Whatcha got so far, inspector? "Sen. Charles Grassley (R-Iowa) said the Colombia prostitutes at the center...

Gays Sorry For Causing Straight MN GOP Senator To Cheat on Her Husband

Oh, here's a tragedy: Minnesota's (now former) Senate Majority Leader Amy Koch had been working so hard on a constitutional amendment barring same-sex marriage in her state, but ALAS, the amendment couldn't be approved in time to keep her...

Frat Boy Congress Caused Souder-Sex to Happen, Say Bible Ladies

Upon learning that family-values hero Mark Souder had resigned from Congress after admitting his extramarital abstinence, the marriage-sanctifying gals at Concerned Women for America -- the Western Hemisphere's most important public policy women's organization, after Curves -- were in...