Tag Archives: sex affairs

  friday fun link

Tiny African Kingdom Has More Interesting Sex Scandals Than We Do

Nobody is having a decent sex scandal in America this week, which has really put a crimp in your editors’ style, man. But it’s nice to see that our helpful friends in the nation of Swaziland are helping out! Swaziland is a wee little country mostly surrounded by South Africa, and it has a plump, youngish king (pictured), Mswati III, who has 13 wives! You might think having 13 wives would be pretty sweet, but when you have that many wives to keep track of, how can you tell when one of them might be sexing some other dude? Maybe even a cabinet minister? Read more on Tiny African Kingdom Has More Interesting Sex Scandals Than We Do…
  quantifying our sex-shaming

ALSO WE CALLED HER A ‘CONTEMPTIBLE TRAMP,’ BUT OUR STYLE GUIDE PREFERS ‘BRAZEN HUSSY': “A preview of the Republican primary for governor in South Carolina in the June 6 A-section incorrectly said that ‘several men’ have alleged that one of the candidates, state Rep. Nikki Haley, committed adultery in affairs with them. Two men have made such an allegation.” [WP, via Regret the Error] Read more on …
  salt lake city is for lovers

LATEST NIKKI HALEY SCANDAL: Did You Know She Isn’t Even WHITE??

At this point we’re all well acquainted with Nikki Haley, who’s running for the GOP nomination for governor in South Carolina, and who may have had hot sexx affairs with a political blogger (GROSS) and one of her rival’s consultants (at a “school-choice convention in Salt Lake City,” also GROSS). But now her campaign is being rocked by a much deeper accusation: that far from being a real South Carolinian whose ancestors came over from England in the 1720s to find freedom (or were kidnapped from Africa and forced to work for the ones who came from England), she may in fact be a “raghead,” according to a legitimately elected South Carolinian legislator! Read more on LATEST NIKKI HALEY SCANDAL: Did You Know She Isn’t Even WHITE??…
  cartoon violence

Happy Thoughts, Happy Thoughts

By the Comics CurmudgeonSince you’re reading Wonkette, I assume you’re some kind of news-reading nerd, since without a deep and thorough understanding of the American political system and world events you can’t appreciate the many philosophical layers of our hilarious dick jokes. Which means, of course, that you’ve probably had your fill of tales of grim earthquake-struck horror. Why can’t we all enjoy some happy good times, from cartoons? Or at least be distracted by their insanity? That, good sirs and madams, is precisely what I intend to deliver to you today. Read more on Happy Thoughts, Happy Thoughts…
  a ludicrous comparison!

John Ensign Makes It Very Clear That He Is NOT Bill Clinton

Here is what we know about John Ensign: he was schtupping his buddy’s wife for six months or so until they got caught, at which point Ensign begged his old parents to give his buddy $96,000 in hush money (that worked out in the end!), which they did, spread across eight $12,000 checks to various family members so the sum wouldn’t have to be declared as taxable income. He shouldn’t be forced to resign. It’s better this way, to see him roaming around the desert, giving interviews, meekly trying to hedge his failures, shaming himself, and coming across like a dingbat fraud, which he is: “Ensign told The Associated Press that he didn’t lie under oath like Clinton did and that he hasn’t ‘done anything legally wrong.'” Indeed, this would make a fine re-election campaign slogan. [AP, Las Vegas Gleaner] Read more on John Ensign Makes It Very Clear That He Is NOT Bill Clinton…
  ha ha 'dove hunting'

Sexy New Details About Mark Sanford’s Elaborate, State-Funded Quest To Bang His Firecracker Last June

The Washington Post has comical new details about the infamous, state-funded June, 2008 meetings South Carolina Sex Governor Mark Sanford set up in South America, to discuss TRADE, with potential “trading partners,” for whatever it is South Carolina produces. (Indigo.) Apparently his trip planners gave word to South American officials that maybe they didn’t really need to meet after all, when he gets down there, and sorry, he cannot go kill doves in the forest for several days, so so sorry, he just has to “make some calls” in Buenos Aires. Read more on Sexy New Details About Mark Sanford’s Elaborate, State-Funded Quest To Bang His Firecracker Last June…
  moar plz

Lindsey Graham… *Please* Just Tell Us Your Secrets Already

Lindsey Graham, third puzzle piece, along with Joe Lieberman and John McCain, of the Senate’s most bromantic Warring Loser Triumvirate, has come out to defend his good pal and homewrecker John Ensign, of sex affair fame. Graham considers Ensign’s sexings a personal matter on which he should keep his mouth shut, because, well, hehehe… we’ve all got shit on us, don’t we now? Read more on Lindsey Graham… *Please* Just Tell Us Your Secrets Already…
  needs more gay

John Ensign Sex Scandal Currently Scoring A ‘Meh’

Right now we’re seeing about… one? two? Two more days of caring about this John Ensign sex affair, tops. First of all, it was with a woman, presumably of age. Did this guy forget what party he’s in? Second, when he had the affair, he was separated from his wife. That’s just a sledgehammer to the comedic possibilities here. Does that even count as “cheating?” Maybe some of you married fools can explain. The only good part of this scandal is that this lady was married to another campaign staffer of his. But without PIX… well maybe we will never write about this scandal again. Back to IRANIAN TWITTER we go… [YouTube] Read more on John Ensign Sex Scandal Currently Scoring A ‘Meh’…
  the forgotten

McCain’s Sex Lobbyist Drops Lawsuit Against Liberals

John McCain’s sexytime lobbyist friend, Vicki Iseman, has dropped her $27 million suit against the New York Times over a story last year which implied-but-not-really that she and WALNUTS! used to fuck all the time. Times Washington bureau chief Dean Baquet e-mailed the news to his staff in a rather pissy memo: “Vicki Iseman has dropped her lawsuit against The Times, just weeks after it was filed. We paid no money. We did not apologize. We did not retract one word of the story, which was a compelling chapter in the tale of Senator John McCain and his political rise.” If that clown lady has a problem, she can go suck an egg. [Michael Calderone] Read more on McCain’s Sex Lobbyist Drops Lawsuit Against Liberals…
  friday fun link

PLANET OF RETARDS: “LONDON, England (CNN) — A British couple who married in a lavish Second Life wedding ceremony are to divorce after one of them had an alleged ‘affair’ in the online world. …Taylor said she had caught Pollard’s avatar having sex with a virtual prostitute: ‘I looked at the computer screen and could see his character having sex with a female character. It’s cheating as far as I’m concerned.'” [CNN] Read more on …
  upcoming news reports

DID JOHN EDWARDS HAVE MORE SEX WITH LADIES?: Intrepid blog reporter Choire Sicha hears that a New York Times Metro reporter is digging into “a story about John Edwards and a Duke graduate.” We are Ethical and don’t want to spread scurrilous rumors, but maybe John Edwards has been fucking a Duke graduate? Maybe John Edwards has been fucking seven Duke graduates and had like 20 babies with each of them, who knows, there must be more information out there. [Radar] Read more on …
  ha ha ha ha ha ha

John McCain Complains About Media Love For Another Candidate With Gay Song Contest

Sweet criminy, did Juan McCain send out a hot e-mail this morning or what: “It’s pretty obvious that the media has a bizarre fascination with Barack Obama. Some may even say it’s a love affair. We want you to be the judge. We’ve compiled two videos of the more outrageous moments of this not so secret love affair.” Indeed, it’s very similar to the “secret love affairs” that John McCain had during his first marriage, and more recently too, and also with the media. Read more on John McCain Complains About Media Love For Another Candidate With Gay Song Contest…
 

Silly Ohio Attorney General Won’t Quit, Makes Things Awkward

Ohio Attorney General Marc “Hawaiian Pizza” Dann, whose admission of a sex affair with a young staffer last week was the latest in a series of inappropriate Dann sex stories, is under pressure to step down. A lot of pressure. You know how much pressure? This much: “All statewide Democratic elected officials and legislative leaders are calling on embattled Attorney General Marc Dann to resign from office.” And he’s a Democrat too! Dann has heard their calls, and he has responded “No I ain’t goin’ nowhere, lamebots.” Read more on Silly Ohio Attorney General Won’t Quit, Makes Things Awkward…
 

Ohio Attorney General Admits Sex Affair!

Marc Dann, the attorney general of Ohio whose recent involvement in what Ohioans are calling “Pajamagate” — but what we earlier dubbed “Hawaiian Pizza ‘n’ Penis Sex Carnivalgate” — has admitted to having a sex affair with his scheduler, Jessica Utovich, pictured here. Hmmm… eh? Read more on Ohio Attorney General Admits Sex Affair!…