sex

Vance McAllister has allegedly kissed his own staff! Wow, way to go Stretch! No, we are joking, we know Vance McAllister didn’t finally master yoga’s forbidden Contented Dog, he was merely allegedly kissing a lady he shouldna been kissing. Yes, a kissing scandal. You probably have to go back to the first Cleveland administration to […]

Is it just us, or has it been a long time since we had a really revolting sex scandal? What was the last one, Bob Filner? That was a “good” one. We are trying to remember before that but Big Dave Petraeus, Mark “Soul Mate” Sanford, and Mr. Wide Stance Bromance Larry Craig are all […]

It has been at least 24 hours since we brought you evidence of why Texas Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-Dumbfuckistan) is a perpetual contender for Wonkette’s coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year Award. When last we swigged some brain bleach and checked on the bald bumbler, he was having a sad about poors getting fat on […]

We are trying to read this CNN article about IMPEACH HILLARY’S BENGHINA!!!1! and it is just not making any sense to us. Here’s what we’ve got so far: There’s an as-yet unnamed whistle-blower (non-fame-whore variety, maybe) “who is a former senior inspector general investigator.” This person has retained a lawyer. This lawyer has shown CNN […]

(Video may be NSFW if your place of employment considers tiny cartoon genitalia pornographic) You may have thought that we had something called “Freedom of the Press” here in America, but it turns out that there is no freedom for people who simply want to buy an ad in the New York Times to explain […]

Ladies and gentlemen, do we have a new contender? Is Montana Rep. Dave Hagstrom here to take home the whole shebang with his one-two knockout punch? First Hagstrom wrote a fairly hilarious letter to all his tenants explaining that they were just going to have to die young for the good of the nation — […]

Remember last year when angry old sportswriter Harry “Buzz” Bissinger endorsed Mitt Romney because Mittens was totally lying about everything? It was probably non-sports fans’ first introduction to the douchepile that is Buzz Bissinger, so here is a quick primer. Back when the internet consisted of three Star Trek fans on a dial-up message board, […]

Bryan Fischer, Spokesweasel for the American Patriarchy Association and notorious power bottom, has a novel idea about the sudden popularity of all these gay people having rights as if they were actual Americans or something: He thinks that the only reason teh gheys have been making political headway lately is that Americans have not heard […]

The Daily Caller’s Mark Judge is something of a genius, he wants you to know. This is a man who’s pretty sure The Blacks stole his bike and who finds metaphors for the “collapse of the old liberal order” in a base-ball player’s “indolence.” And now, if you have a moment, he would like to […]

New American hero Mike Frey isn’t just an ordinary “concerned Minnesotan.” He is also a husband and father, so you can understand why he is so concerned about this gay marriage thing. He’s agin it and he wants to make sure Minnesota lawmakers are also agin this “gay marriage.” See, married people have sex. Like […]

Does anybody here think newly resworn President Barack Hussein Obama is giving it to his beautiful wife like a husband should? (Or like our generous Wonkers would, so selflessly?) Does anybody here think newly resworn President Barack Hussein Obama is, say, puttin’ it to his wife like Old Handsome Joe Biden puts it to Dr. […]

Oh goody, another day, another set of government officials involved in a sex scandal. Rolling Stone brings us the ewww tale of SEC Inspector General David Kotz (ALLEGEDLY) boning every lawyer (like this pretty lady) with business before the agency, as well as his successor, Noelle Maloney, who then refused to meet with said lawyers because […]

Kathryn Jean Lopez, better known by her gang moniker, K-Lo, is a pill. She is unpleasant and obsequiously pious and constantly telling all other American Catholics how they’re doing Catholicism wrong by actually following the edicts of Vatican II (which said Catholics should follow the dictates of their own consciences). She moans a lot about […]

That’s a good question, in that headline right there up above here, that you just read. It comes to us via the court filings of a lady who worked for Florida’s lieutenant governor, Jennifer Carroll, and who is now on trial for sharing secret tape recordings with a reporter. She says, and we believe this […]

Back in two thousand diggity ‘leven, there was this fella Herman Cain who nearly got himself a presidential nomination. He didn’t care for that! All he wanted was a radio show, a teevee show, some more book deals — the whole package. Thankfully a bunch of gals came forward and gave him an out by […]