O’Reilly’s figured it out! MORE »

Speaking of Nancy Pelosi and Afghanistan and sexism, here’s a completely brilliant clip of cool-as-ice Harry Reid, the “Late-Middle-Aged Arthur Fonzarelli of Reno,” executing the latest attempt in his decades-long quest to “break the touch barrier” with Nancy Pelosi, finally. (And after all these years!) MORE »

Look everybody, it’s a dumb Internet thing that the pistachio company wants every blog to post about in hopes of going viral! Who are we to disobey the pistachio company? So here you go: Levi Johnson now “wears protection” when eating his pistachios and slamming his huge bodyguard in the dumper. [The Awl]

As bait goes, this one’s too easy, and we think that celebrated marijuana pundit Andrew Sullivan knows that, but nevertheless: “I recall one marathon twelve-hour session of passion many years ago now. It was only afterwards that I realized I had barely had a single trace of an analytic thought for the longest period I could then remember. I was never happier. As I finally collapsed into my lover’s arms with the final orgasm that drained every last drop of desire or need from my body and soul, I understood for the first time why the French call coming ‘le petit mort.’” You’re welcome! [Andrew Sullivan]

South Carolina is just full of filthy sex people performing terrible acts of sex upon one another. Take Kristin Maguire, who became “of interest” last week after it was discovered that in between chairing the state board of education and homeschooling her own four children (?), she was in the habit of publishing her loosely fictionalized erotic goings-on on certain sexy parts of the Internet. Ha, oh and then there was that time she flashed Mark Sanford’s chief of staff whilst atop the hilariously gratuitous location of Jenny Sanford’s desk. (N.B.: Hi, yes, South Carolina: it is possible to hook-up without doing so at the expense of Jenny Sanford.) MORE »

Remember the month of June, the month that happened a couple of months ago? The very best part of June was when a certain lovestruck Southern governor departed for a five-day solo Father’s Day hike in the woods and returned warbling about the Argentinian sparkin’ thing, much to the embarrassment of his spokesman, who had been assuring people he was on the Appalachian Trail. MORE »

Comical Italian hump-monster Silvio Berlusconi is always getting into scrapes — sexual scrapes, that is! The latest involves an audio tape, released to an Italian newspaper, purporting to be the prime minister and a 42-year-old escort talking about sex things, such as masturbation, immediately after they had sex together. She taped the whole thing with her cell phone, the naughty minx! Italian speakers, enjoy. [The Guardian, L'espresso]

Senator John Ensign isn’t quitting his job just because he had the poor taste to sleep with his friend’s wife and then stick his parents with the most expensive “here’s a little something for your trouble” tab ever, but his chief of staff might be! According to one report, Ensign COS John Lopez is “leaving” the senator’s office. Is he quitting? Getting fired? Laid off, like a common employee of Huck Pac? Who knows, ’cause Ensign’s office ain’t telling. Our money’s on quitting, because most Senate chiefs of staff want to bow out at the pinnacle of their careers. [The Hill]

As a famous statistician once said, “Three data points make a trend,” and that is why we can now confidently announce that the Bible study-group-slash-frat house known as the C Street Group stands at the cutting edge of the marital infidelity movement. MORE »

South Carolina’s embarrassing Argentine love-tango scandal may have made its governor look bad, but two parties have emerged from this sad nightmare smelling like little roses: Jenny Sanford, and The State newspaper. Yesterday the paper released a pack of hilariously sycophantic requests from various media outlets to Governor Sanford’s office suggesting that — !!! — sometimes reporters and media types imply that their subjects will get favorable coverage if they’ll just respond to a goddamn interview request. MORE »

Sexy texter Chuck Grassley assured the Senate Judiciary Committee yesterday that “People always say I have the ability to turn people on.” He said this after a man in the audience jumped up and started shouting about how Sonia Sotomayor was a baby-killer. This sort of outburst is apparently, to at least one Iowa Republican, best interpreted as foreplay. (Thanks Lauri Apple for the very arousing Grassley art.) [The Hill]