Let’s transcribe an arbitrary 20-or-so seconds from this new WALNUTS! web video, which coincides with day four of his “Service to America” tour: “But their strongest loyalty, the bond that cannot break, is to the cause that is theirs alone: each other. It is through loyalty to comrades-in-arms, that they begin to understand that to love one’s country is to love one’s countrymen, and to serve the national ideal that commenced their personal transformation. When war is over, they might have the largest, but not exclusive, claim on the success of their nation’s cause and seldom share in the blame for its failure. But their claim is shorn of all romance, all nostalgia for the suffering with which is was won. From that crucible…” Jesus Christ, who wrote this, Thomas Jefferson on cough syrup? [YouTube]

John McCain spent day three of his “Service to America” tour much like he did day two: by telling everyone younger than him that they’re a bunch of lazy sallies. He went to Annapolis and its Naval Academy, where he graduated like last in his class. He said “too few Americans live up to their civic responsibilities and challenged them to do more to serve their community and country.” Then he listed all the trouble he caused as a young midshipman whose father and grandfather were both admirals. He also forgot an entire page of his prepared remarks, because he is too old to read. MORE »

John McCain’s Straight Talk Express rolls on with Day Two of his “Service to America” tour, where he goes and visits the ol’ Prohibition-era haunts of his childhood (like old, depressed men do in movies). WALNUTS! went to his alma mater — the elitist Episcopal High School — in Virginia today. All of the students had to attend and watch him reminisce about towel-slapping his pasty racist friends in the steam room after a rowdy match of Kick the Can. Then one student had the nerve to ask what the hell this crap-on-a-stick biography tour had to do with them, and WALNUTS! naturally got fresh with the ingrate. MORE »