Tag Archives: separation of church and state?

  He's more like a Walmart greeter

Jesus Christ Welcomes You To Hawkins, Texas, But Not In Some ‘Religious’ Way

Maybe Jesus is a Messican guy who lives in the city.
The mean liberals at the Freedom From Religion Foundation have found their latest target, and it is the innocent residents of Hawkins, Texas, who really like the big ugly-ass sign they have at the entrance to town that says “Jesus welcomes you to Hawkins.” What’s the problem? Oh, it’s on city-owned land, which means the city is endorsing Jesus as a deity, when they are supposed to remain impartial, according to that quaint little thing called the United States Constitution. But hold on a minute, according to the mayor, this is FINE, because Jesus is not welcoming people in a RELIGIOUS way. It’s more because Jesus is so popular — guess he just likes to greet people, like at Walmart: Read more on Jesus Christ Welcomes You To Hawkins, Texas, But Not In Some ‘Religious’ Way…
  supreme wisdom

Antonin Scalia Tells Grads: Always Be Yourself, Unless You Are Hitler

TOO S-M-R-T FOR YOU.
Oh, Justice Scalia, what would the Supreme Court do without you? It’s such a comfort to know that a brilliant, HILARIOUS legal mind like yours is adjudicating America’s Most Important Questions. Scalia spoke at his grandbaby’s high school graduation and thought the kids might enjoy a fun joke, about Hitler: Read more on Antonin Scalia Tells Grads: Always Be Yourself, Unless You Are Hitler…
  You Got Your Church In My State!

Dumb Virginia County Can’t Stop Invoking Jesus, Must Pay $74,000, Ha Ha Ha

Take this gavel, and rap it in memory of me
In a court decision that surely must mean the end of Christianity forever, once again, a federal court ruled Friday that a Virginia county board of supervisors can’t start its meetings with explicitly Christian prayers. You astute Wonketteers who are in the know may find yourselves scratching your heads and saying, “But wait, didn’t the Supremes just rule last year that it was hunky-dory-mary-joseph-jebus for some town in New York to start its meetings with a double helping of Jesus-invoking and a side of Amen? And you would be right! Read more on Dumb Virginia County Can’t Stop Invoking Jesus, Must Pay $74,000, Ha Ha Ha…
  pray the concussions away

Allen West Can Keep Football Players From Getting Hurt, Just By Saying A Little Prayer!

Is there nothing this man CANNOT fail at, we mean do?
Allen West, the Guardian of the Republic vile, disgraced torture fetishist and congressional race-loser who is also a creepazoid sex pervert, took some time off from those activities recently to discuss football injuries, and the best way to prevent them. No, it is not about padding or anything like that, it is prayer! You see, Allen West played football in high school, so he is an expert. Speaking to a wingnut group in Texas, West explained that back in HIS day, they made sure to pray before every single game, and because of that, he doesn’t remember ANYBODY getting injured or paralyzed. Read more on Allen West Can Keep Football Players From Getting Hurt, Just By Saying A Little Prayer!…
  OK Fine But No Irish Need Apply

Michigan School District Just Wants To Hire A Good Christian, Is That So Wrong?

You know He's humble because of the lowercase i's
Looks like the ACLU is out persecuting Christians again. When McBain Rural Agricultural Schools in Michigan advertised a job opening for superintendent, it included a simple, straightforward request for the kind of person who’d be practically perfect in every way for the job: The applicant should have such vital qualities, including at least five years’ experience as a principal or district leader, a Master’s degree, experience in collective bargaining, and, oh yes, “A strong Christian background and philosophy.” Read more on Michigan School District Just Wants To Hire A Good Christian, Is That So Wrong?…
  Jesus Built My Interstate Commerce Clause

Theocrat And GOP Candidate Mike Peroutka Explains Jesus Is The Football For Your Rights

I think this painting is about a high school football player who's just died of head injuries
On this Election Day, Michael Peroutka — theocrat, neo-confederate, and Republican candidate for county council in Ann Arundel County in Maryland who has also flirted with the Constitution Party because CONSTITUTION — would just like to remind you of the Reason for Election Season: It’s Jesus! Read more on Theocrat And GOP Candidate Mike Peroutka Explains Jesus Is The Football For Your Rights…
  Thomas Jefferson Died For Your Sins

Antonin Scalia Has Magic Jesus Constitution, Has So Much Jesus All Up In It

TOO S-M-R-T FOR YOU.
Supreme Court Justice and strict constructionist Antonin Scalia told an enraptured (if only!) crowd at Colorado Christian University today that the First Amendment’s Establishment Clause doesn’t actually require complete separation of church and state, because magic: Read more on Antonin Scalia Has Magic Jesus Constitution, Has So Much Jesus All Up In It…
  What's All This Fuss About Eye Cysts Anyway?

Very Important Wingnut: Repeal The First Amendment So ISIS Doesn’t Get Us

Just look up 'Backpfeifengesicht'
Never one to let an opportunity for paranoia pass by, the Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins found a way to link fear of ISIS with one of his favorite fears, the specter of secularism (which is going to make Christianity illegal any day now). Read more on Very Important Wingnut: Repeal The First Amendment So ISIS Doesn’t Get Us…
  the courage to do what's popular

Iowa Was Surely God’s Favorite Damn State Yesterday Because Brave Governor Signed Big Damn Prayer Proclamation

If the Midwest felt especially blessed yesterday, it’s no doubt because the entire state of Iowa was basking in the smug satisfaction of a “day of prayer, fasting and repentance.” Gov. Terry Branstad signed a proclamation back in April designating Monday a special Christian Repentence Day, because he is just like George Washington, and also anyone who thinks the First Amendment prohibits governors from proclaiming special prayer days can go suck balls. People like official prayer, and this is America, where the Constitution is everything, except when some atheist says it means government isn’t supposed to host church services. Read more on Iowa Was Surely God’s Favorite Damn State Yesterday Because Brave Governor Signed Big Damn Prayer Proclamation…
  separation of derp and state

Alabama Chief Justice Has Special Constitution Where First Amendment Is Only For Christians

You guys all remember Judge Roy Moore, the Alabama Hero who was removed from the Alabama Supreme Court after refusing to comply with a U.S. Supreme Court order to remove a two-ton Ten Commandments monument that he’d installed at the court. That was back in 2003, don’t you feel old? And then he got reelected to the Alabama Supremes in 2012 — as Chief Justice, no less, because Roy Moore is the freakin’ Joe Arpaio of Alabama jurisprudence: the bigger an asshole he is, the more they love him, because he hates all the right people. (Last year, there were high hopes he’d declare Barack Obama UnPresident, but that failed to happen somehow.) Well, Chief Justice Roy Moore has gotten himself a little more attention this week, after a recent* speech to a “Pastors For Life” luncheon sponsored by Pro-Life Mississippi, where the top jurist for an entire state told the assembled faithful that the First Amendment only applies to Christians, since, as any fool knows, “Buddha didn’t create us, Mohammed didn’t create us, it’s the God of the Holy Scriptures” who breathed life into Adam and Eve, about 6000 years ago at that. (And no, don’t you go saying that all the Abrahamic religions worship the same God, because what are you, a terrorist?) Read more on Alabama Chief Justice Has Special Constitution Where First Amendment Is Only For Christians…
  o little town of bugtussle

Oklahoma Legislature Will Save Christmas From Whoever Keeps Doing War On Christmas

Don’t worry, Christians! The brave and smart members of the Oklahoma Legislature are working on saving the Sacred Baby Festival from all those pagans and liberals and secular humanists who are trying to ban Christmas forever, just like they made sure that no one can ever forget that the 10 Commandments exist. They’ve introduced two “Oklahoma Merry Christmas bills” that would protect Christmas, apparently in the belief that the scary bearded atheists in Chick tracts are real people, haw-haw. The bills, HB2316 and HB 2317, would “permit school districts to display on school property scenes or symbols associated with traditional winter celebrations,” which seems like awfully non-Jesusy language for laws aiming to protect The Only Holiday That Matters (plus Hanukkah, according to the sponsors). Before you know it, some weirdo will sneak in Saturnalia or the Winter Solstice, and also too Oklahoma will be overrun with Druids Read more on Oklahoma Legislature Will Save Christmas From Whoever Keeps Doing War On Christmas…
  the statute got me high

Satanists Generously Offer To Build Monument Next To Oklahoma Statehouse’s 10 Commandments Display

In a move that pretty much says “I’ll see your rhetorical question and raise you an ugly public monument,” a group calling itself the “Satanic Temple” has offered to display a big ol’ monument in honor of the Hornéd One, to be installed on the Statehouse grounds near the state’s display of the 10 Commandments. These are the dadaist religious trolls who made “God hate Fred Phelps’s mom last night back in July. Best of all, the epic trolling appears to be sanctioned under the 2009 law that erected the 10 Commandments at the statehouse. We hope the Pastafarians will be next, because noodles are yummy. Read more on Satanists Generously Offer To Build Monument Next To Oklahoma Statehouse’s 10 Commandments Display…
  #waronchristmas

Bryan Fischer: Founders Wrote Christmas Into Constitution In Invisible Ink Only Bryan Fischer Can See

Bryan J. Fischer, the issues director of the good ol’ American Family Association, who has many interesting Thoughts on interesting Topics, has some airtight logic for us, and that is that if the Founders did not want a Christianist theocracy, then why did they put a date on the Constitution, HENGGHHHHH? Did Bryan J. Fischer just BLOW your MIND???? Read more on Bryan Fischer: Founders Wrote Christmas Into Constitution In Invisible Ink Only Bryan Fischer Can See…
  name him 'constitution u.s.a. number one' and be done with it

Tennessee Judge Rejects Messiah And Isn’t Even Jewish Probably

A Tennessee judge has ordered that a baby’s name be changed from “Messiah” to “Martin,” explaining that There Can Be Only One: “The word Messiah is a title and it’s a title that has only been earned by one person and that one person is Jesus Christ,” Judge [Lu Ann] Ballew said. The parents had gone to court in a child support case, and could not agree on what the 7-month-old’s last name would be. They had not asked for any  help with his first name, which they agreed on. Judge Ballew ruled that the child’s name will combine both parents’ names, and will be “Martin DeShawn McCullough.” The baby’s mother intends to appeal, and we support her right to give her child a perfectly awful name, because Freedom. Maybe she should name the kid Freedom? Read more on Tennessee Judge Rejects Messiah And Isn’t Even Jewish Probably…
  where is your god now?

Rick Perry Totally Going To Fight Satan Now

Demented pill addict and mannequin afficionado Rick Perry, who is still Governor of the State of Texas for reasons that modern science cannot explain, would still like to be Commander in Chief of something, even if it’s not the United States. In a teleconference with wingnut pastor Rick Scarborough, Perry called on “Christian warriors” to engage in “spiritual warfare” against that most Satanic of foes, the Constitution of the United States. Of course, Perry claims to like the Constitution a whole bunch; he thinks the real enemy is a “growing tide of secularism and atheism” that has spread the false notion that the establishment clause of that document somehow mandates “separation of church and state.” Clear enough? Read more on Rick Perry Totally Going To Fight Satan Now…
  church and conflate

Ken Buck Doesn’t Understand the First Amendment Either

What is it with this strange phenomenon of Teabagger candidates saying the separation of church and state is not covered in the First Amendment? According to Buck, the Constitution says the government cannot “sanction” a religion, but that doesn’t mean church and state have to be “separate.” Huh? Do you really want Kenyan King Obama installed as the official but “non-sanctioning” head of America’s Official Church of Ken Buck’s Particular Sect of Christianity? Read more on Ken Buck Doesn’t Understand the First Amendment Either…