Tag Archives: senators

  From the Producers of Naked and Afraid

Senators Survive Stupid Reality TV Show, Don’t Even Kill Each Other

Photo Courtesy of Discovery Channel Most members of Congress use their long August recess to get back home and load up on their favorite regional food that no one can make the right way in DC, while being photographed appearing to reconnect with voters. Added bonus: They get to escape the swamptacular weather in America’s damp, sweaty seat of power. For two members of the Senate, this summer’s five-week paid vacation “district work period” was a chance to sneak away on a top-secret, death-defying adventure in the Marshall Islands for a new reality show. It’s C-SPAN 2 meets Naked and Afraid, and it’s coming to your favorite ostensibly educational cable network this fall! Read more on Senators Survive Stupid Reality TV Show, Don’t Even Kill Each Other…
  world's most deliberative bodies

Politico Reporter: Kirsten Gillibrand Is a Lying Liar, Since No Man in Congress Has Ever Been Sexist

k to the g
On Wednesday, the New York Post published tidbits of what promises to be an entertaining and depressing new interview with Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand in which she describes being called “fat” and told to work out more since she was getting “porky” by older male colleagues in the House and Senate. What’s not to love about being a female senator? It gets you membership in a very small and exclusive club within the world’s most deliberative body, plus all the free fitness tips and affirmative motivation you can tolerate on your wellness journey! Read more on Politico Reporter: Kirsten Gillibrand Is a Lying Liar, Since No Man in Congress Has Ever Been Sexist…
  how to make it in america

Paula Broadwell Was Going To Be A Senator, Because Why Not

Good morning, Wonkette darlings! It is Monday, and you have to ask yourself: are you getting a little bored with the Petraeus scandal? We mean, sure, it’s fun thinking about the crazy grifting identical twins and hot (?) shirtless FBI guys, but the actual core of the scandal — married dude and married lady with similar interests (one of which being the married dude’s awesomeness) spend a lot of time together and end up boning — is starting to seem a little played out. What this scandal needs is a counterfactual shot in the arm, such as: what if the FBI had never found those pesky email sexts, and then, a few years from now, it came out that CIA director Petraeus was having a sex affair with North Carolina Senator Paula Broadwell? That would certainly be an exciting scandal that would rock the nation and whatever political party Broadwell belonged to for weeks, would it not? Read more on Paula Broadwell Was Going To Be A Senator, Because Why Not…
  Scary Pranksters

Terrible Hoax Person Hoaxing About Senator Deaths

Some huckleberry hoax-ster has been sending around spoof emails stating that Senator Patrick Leahy has died of cancer, when he really hasn’t–it was just a little heartburn from the onions in Aunt Mabel’s “famous” Independence Day potato salad. And someone — the VERY SAME HOAXSTER, perhaps? — has been emailing similar announcements about Sen. Dianne Feinstein and Sen. Frank Lautenberg, who also haven’t died. They’re not dead, they’re just boring. Read more on Terrible Hoax Person Hoaxing About Senator Deaths…
  elderly and celebratory

Robert Byrd Is Official Old Enough For A Superlative

Everyone very loudly but gently say “congratulations” to Sen. Robert Byrd, who became the longest-serving lawmaker in the history of Congress today. He’s like, “I look forward to serving you for the next 56 years and 320 days,” which is very gracious! Here’s this video of Robert Byrd playing the ancient instrument of “fiddle” back in the 1870s, when people would watch other people do “fiddle” on teevee for enjoyment. It’s like eight minutes long though, so just as with any old person thing, you can get away with turning it off after like 24 seconds and then saying that you love it. [HuffPost] Read more on Robert Byrd Is Official Old Enough For A Superlative…
  still better than denby's

JIM DEMINT IS THE REAL MISS SOUTH CAROLINA: South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint has written a new book about Hitler/Obama and the Iran and, uh, the South American countries and like such as: “Part of what we’re trying to do in ‘Saving Freedom’ is just show that where we are, we’re about where Germany was before World War II where they became a social democracy. You still had votes but the votes were just power grabs like you see in Iran, and other places in South America, like Chavez is running down in Venezuela.” Hmm, we’ll wait for this one to come out on DVD. [Washington Independent via Washington Monthly] Read more on …
  no more photoshopped diapers for you

Al Franken Already Disappoints With Lack Of Clownishness

What kind of a so-called “comedian” is this soon-to-be Senator Al Franken, that he shows up in Washington D.C. without a fright wig and refuses to fake-hump Harry Reid during his first press conference in town? He was resolutely quiet and unfunny during the whole recount, which started, hmm, back in the Carter era, and now he is still not funny and WTF??? Why, it is almost as if he is a smart person who decided to run for public office and, having worked quite hard for several years to get elected to that office, is determined to act like an adult! BOOO. [The Caucus] Read more on Al Franken Already Disappoints With Lack Of Clownishness…
  vehicular disasters

Orrin Hatch Can’t Drive

We of course never read Dana Milbank, but this little bit is actually kind of funny, due to the scarily incompetent driving of one Senator Orrin Hatch, who has not operated a motorcar since the fall of Vichy France. Read more on Orrin Hatch Can’t Drive…
  surprising everyone

Michael Steele Ain’t Got No Money For Moderates In the Hip-Hop GOP, Baby

Here’s magnificent clown Michael Steele on the Fox News, straight up talkin’ to that Neil Cavuto about the money, baby, the GOP purse. Cavuto asks him if he will withhold giving primary campaign funds to the three Republican Senators who voted for the stimulus, and Steele replies, “Perhaps.” Just kidding, Michael Steele would never give an un-jazzed response like that. He says, “Oh, yes, I’m always open to everything, baby, absolutely.” They call it a Big Tent, motherfucker. [Greg Sargent] Read more on Michael Steele Ain’t Got No Money For Moderates In the Hip-Hop GOP, Baby…
  live free or die

Judd Gregg Is Nominated President Of Commerce!

Yay a new era has dawned in Washington, bipartisanship forever, etc! After Barack Obama’s pudgy comic foil had to renounce the Latino Consolation Prize due to a corruption investigation, people wondered who could possibly replace Bill Richardson. And then the name “Judd Gregg” was floated, and people said, “well, he was pretty good in Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” plus he was a Republican, which meant that sneaky Barack Obama could get Gregg’s Democratic governor to appoint a Democrat to replace him in the Senate without a single Republican noticing! Read more on Judd Gregg Is Nominated President Of Commerce!…
  great rhode islanders

R.I.P. SENATOR PELL: One of Rhode Island’s awesomest former senators has died at the age of 90. Claiborne Pell was a big fat liberal and a millionaire who was obsessed with UFOs and jogged around Newport in his old Princeton letter sweater and drove a Mustang with a roll-bar because he was such a bad driver. He helped create the NEA but didn’t like modern art. He also pushed for federal subsidies of higher education, later renamed Pell Grants, without which your editor would have had to join the circus or go to work at the renderer’s. Senator Pell was a comical character straight out of a Fitzgerald novel, and it is really too bad that they don’t make rich people like that anymore. [New York Times, Providence Journal] Read more on …
  electoral triumph of the lizard people

Examine Disputed Minnesota Ballots For Laffs!

Oh here is a fun game! Check out these actual disputed voter ballots from Minnesota, and look at what laughable excuses the Coleman and Franken campaigns have for arguing “voter intent” in one direction or the other. Minnesota Public Radio, you have rendered a valuable time-wasting service unto the nation. [MPR via First Read] Read more on Examine Disputed Minnesota Ballots For Laffs!…
  stfu

POOR BABIES: Apparently all Democratic Senators are complaining about how each is allotted only eight tickets to Barack Obama’s convention speech at Invesco Field. So everyone get together, let’s say it in unison, here we go: Aww. [Ben Smith] Read more on …
  tubes in the clink

SENATOR TED STEVENS INDICTED: The elusive Alaskan snow leopard who brought you “a series of tubes” has been indicted by a federal grand jury in relation to a year-long corruption investigation. [McClatchy] Read more on …
  on the teevee

What Is This Secret ‘DC Prep’ Trailer Thing?

Well. Here’s a trailer for some sort of secret potential series about rich, preppy, well-connected young people in Washington. Aside from the YouTube title — “DC PREP Trailer for Secret Television Series Coming Soon!” — the Internet is not telling us much more. Read more on What Is This Secret ‘DC Prep’ Trailer Thing?…
  the subprimes

Which Senators Are America’s Hobo Kings?

With all this talk about Chris Dodd and Kent Conrad getting SWEETHEART MORTGAGE DEALS giving them literally fractions of a percentage point off their mortgage interest and fees, it’s instructive to find out how many of America’s senators even have mortgages. A shocking number do not, which means they are either living in cardboard boxes like 99% of their bankrupted constituents, or they paid off their houses in 1957, back when John McCain was running for his first term. Find out what Politico‘s intrepid researchers dug up, after the jump. Read more on Which Senators Are America’s Hobo Kings?…
 

Sen. Rockefeller Comically Criticizes McCain’s War Experience

In a Sunday interview with the West Virginia’s Charleston Gazette newspaper, Senator Jay Rockefeller reinforced his support for Barry Obama. Mostly, however, he made fun of John McCain’s war experience with some heavy words about bombs. McCain is dehumanized and cannot understand the human condition, Rockefeller says, and that is why he enjoyed bombing the Vietnamese from the air so much. Read more on Sen. Rockefeller Comically Criticizes McCain’s War Experience…
 

A New, Very Gay Larry Craig Court Reply

Wow, we’d gotten so entangled in the Eliot Spitzer sex scandal that we forgot about America’s Gays and their leader, Senator Larry Craig of Idaho. What’s that unbelievably gay man been up to recently? When not scanning over intern applications, it seems he’s still going on about that little airport incident last summer. His lawyers have entered another “reply” to the court of Minnesota, arguing in vain that What He Did was not gay at all. Let’s find the most hilariously gay moments of this 42-page document! Read more on A New, Very Gay Larry Craig Court Reply…
 

An Exciting Opportunity To Be Larry Craig’s Summer Intern!

It’s that time of year again, and the Hill is looking for 2008’s crop of ambitious, savvy whippersnappers to make up its corps of summer interns! They’ll get to organize back room deals and schmooze with the fat cats, but mostly, they’ll learn that running America isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. And if you’re a summer intern for Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, who knows what else you’ll be forced to do? Read more on An Exciting Opportunity To Be Larry Craig’s Summer Intern!…
 

JOHN MCCAIN, HELLCAT OF LOVE: Did you know that the senator from the sultry state of Arizona has a saucy temper and is “rough in the sandbox”? Now you do! [Washington Post] Read more on …
 

Florida Fat Cats Pulling Out All Stops For Voter Turnout

One’s a Democrat, one’s a Republican, and together they’re Two Senators from Florida! Between that and the ’80s production values, maybe some Hollywood hotshot can round up a few writer scabs and turn this thing into the new Golden Girls. [YouTube] Read more on Florida Fat Cats Pulling Out All Stops For Voter Turnout…