So after Obama’s gay rights speech on Sunday, this LGBT White House person suggested that maybe everyone would try hitching a repeal of DADT to Joe Lieberman, a grape that rolled under a couch like 50 years ago and in the interim transformed into a malign raisin and also, somehow, a Senator from Connecticut. Why Lieberman? Um. MORE »

Alan Grayson! Yes! Who even is this guy, and yet, ALAN GRAYSON. Watch Alan Grayson carry on for like four minutes about how much he hates Olympia Snowe and her whole stupid state. He’s like, “Maine? Hardly!” Seriously, he basically says this. MORE »

Joe Lieberman, the actual human equivalent of a chain letter forwarded to you by your grandparents, has a very important tuff-guy job as chair of the Homeland Security Committee. And he’ll tell ya, he does not like Obama’s coterie of czars, not one bit. He’ll probably hold some trenchant as shit hearings about the hated czars, or maybe draft some heroic legislation that forbids the President from appointing policy experts. Russ Feingold is down for whatever, so he’s in too! And don’t think he won’t look up “czar” in the dictionary, because he WILL and he HAS. MORE »

Ted Kennedy’s been dead for what, a decade or so, in Kennedy-zeitgeist years? It is high time America’s other Senators begin tactlessly speculating about who will get his ritzy deluxe Capitol Building office! Here are the specs: third floor, the Capitol Building, Mall views, “a rustic coffee table that appeared to be hewn out of the old deck of a sailboat,” etc. etc. “It sounds pretty,” said Alabama Senator Richard Selby. First, that coffee table thing actually sounds a bit kitschy. And second, hey, fuck you Richard Selby, show some RESPECT. That office belongs to Ted Kennedy’s ghost until Senate Rules Committee chairman Chuck Schumer gives it to someone else… But WHOM? MORE »

Wealthy corporate human Carly Fiorina, the disgraced dingbat liar from John McCain’s 2008 presidential campaign, is planning a run against Barbara Boxer in next year’s California Senate race. Cute! And yesterday she launched a hilarious FLASH website that everybody has been making fun of because it is so cheesy. You should watch the opening FLASH segment! Carly Fiorina, you guys! [Carly for California]

You may have noticed by now that your editor has a serious obsession with old dingbat Chuck Grassley and finds everything he does hilarious; sorry if you do not feel the same way. But just look at this guy! What IS it? Something to do with the fact that this barking, illiterate curmudgeon, who sleeps in an oversized cornhusk behind a maintenance door in the Third Street Tunnel, is STILL a leading negotiator on Health Care Reform. Take a guess what he was wheezing about during today’s crucial Finance Committee markup. Just take a guess. Now watch the clip. Oh, that’s right, blah blah blah, some Mexican or another might still get medical attention under the current legislation, harumph, and what about those Indians, harumph harumph harumph… IN OTHER NEWS: Max Baucus got into a fight with CBO Director Doug Elmendorf, you guys! MORE »

• MASS. SENATE PASSES ‘TED KENNEDY MEMORIAL PARTISAN WARM-BODY ACT,’ HOORAY! Oh good, now Gov. Deval Patrick should be able to sign this quick fixeroo tomorrow and Michael Dukakis or whoever can putz around Washington for a few months, casting a crucial vote or two occasionally. Also, pundits can stop saying, “But the Democrats only have 59 seats, they need Olympia Snowe!!!” because it is not true anymore. No one needs Olympia Snowe! NO ONE! [Boston Globe]

Aside from just being a loony dingbat distraction during today’s hot-ticket Finance Committee markup, what other fucking insane things has Chuck Grassley been up to? “Sen. Chuck Grassley (R-Iowa) is blocking the all-important nomination of Alan Solomont, the president’s nominee for ambassador to Spain.” He is literally standing in the doorway, blocking all traffic, crowing. [Wash. Independent]

• ROBERT BYRD HAD A FALL! Uh oh, Robert Byrd is about to die or something. No, maybe not. He just “stood up too fast this morning in his home and fell down.” For a 91-year-old, that’s like having a H-Bomb land on your forehead. He has been taken to the hospital, so WEST VIRGINIA STATE LEGISLATURE, GET TO WORK ON EMERGENCY LEGISLATION TO APPOINT AN INTERIM– we wish him all the best and have nothing to say about politics right now. [WP/Capitol Briefing]

Alec MacGillis of the Washington Post, you are one brave blogger, and a service to the Republic! Yes, the Senate Finance Committee is slowly working its way through 500 amendments and 500,000 opening speeches today on its terrible health care bill. How’s it going? Oh look, Chuck Grassley is being an ass, weird: “He acknowledged that the bill did not include a government-run insurance option, but raised the specter that might yet lie in the future and lead the U.S. in the direction of Europe, where ‘countries have inevitably turned to government imposed rationing to control costs.’” Ha ha, “raised the specter”/”Europe” — this is one sassy markup liveblog, MMHMM. [Washington Post]

Former Massachusetts Gov. Michael Dukakis, who one time — for fun — let a black inmate run free so as to rape the white ladies, could be the next fake Ted Kennedy, for a few months! He is “the name most prominently mentioned” appointee for Gov. Deval Patrick, who awaits a bill allowing him to do this, which is being debated in the House today. This is big news, because most people had just assumed Michael Dukakis was dead. [Washington Post]