Tag: senate

Ted Cruz Teaches Homeland Security Chief Three Magic Words To Stop Terrorism Forever

Did you know San Bernardino and Orlando wouldn't have happened if Homeland Security wasn't so scared of saying Muslim words? IT'S TRUE!

Little Marco Rubio Hates Senate So Much, Wants To Stay In Senate Forever Now

Also he hates you, he hates you, he hates you, and you are not his real dad.

Senate Republicans Vote To Send Thoughts And Prayers To Future Mass Shooting Victims

What, you wanted background checks and stuff like that? Are you some kind of Communist?
He gets cranky when he has the sniffles

GOP Senator Says Be Sweet To Donald Trump, For He Is But A Tiny Suckling Infant

Meanwhile, Mitch McConnell would like Trump to stop playing with himself, pull his pants up and USE HIS WORDS.

Lindsey Graham Two Jameson Shots Away From Shrieking, ‘I’m With Her, Y’all!’

Lindsey Graham is APPALLED, we tell you, APPALLED, by Donald Trump's impolite racism!
NOPE!

Ted Cruz Just Wants To Help GOP Senate Buddies But They’re All Busy Washing Their Hair

Republican senators don't seem to want Ted Cruz's 'help' getting re-elected. Weird!

Congress Surrenders U.S. Army To Known Homosexual, Thanks Obama!

Just last week, we were telling you about how, last year, Obama nominated a known homosexican, Eric Fanning, to be secretary of the Army, but that Republican Sen. Pat Roberts, a dickhead, was being a dickhead about letting him be...

Sen. James Inhofe Wishes Transgender Folk Would Stop Peeing All Over His Neck

The trans folk are making Sen. Inhofe very pee-shy. ALLEGEDLY.

Obama’s Gay Army Secretary Nominee On Hold, Because Sen. Pat Roberts Is Being A Dick

But Sen. Roberts is being a dick for COMPLETELY unrelated reasons, he says!

Fox News Jizz-Brains Wish Facebook Was More Fair And Balanced, Like Fox News

Hey look, a fake Republican scandal, because it is a day!

Ted Cruz Willing To Get Back Into America’s Pants If Nebraska Asks Him Nicely Enough

Also Heidi says the Ted Cruz campaign is just like the fight to end slavery, and now we are REALLY worried about her.

RIP Ted Cruz, For Now You Are Dead. A Wonkette Post-Mortem!

Did you guys hear the news? NO, Ted Cruz did not die in a fire made out of dildos soaked with the blood of the risen Christ, why would you think that?! But you probably DID hear that Ted...

Mr. Tuff Guy Sen. Tom Cotton Didn’t Drink Gay Sparkle Water When He Was At ‘Army’

Y'all, the child senator from Arkansas, Tom Cotton, is mad enough to tittyfuck a swallow right now! Surprise, it has to do with how Cotton still thinks he's the president of Obama's Iran foreign policy. Surprise, Tom Cotton is...

Ted Cruz Narrowly Escapes Jaws Of Muslim Brotherhood

It's a day, so Ted Cruz is being a dick. Monday morning, he told a gay man at a town hall in New York how much he loves religious liberty, and how it applies to EVERYBODY, including Christians, Jews, atheists, and...
Just being a good Christian

Ted Cruz Wishes Child Sex Slaves Would Think Of The Unborn Babies

<a href="http://wonkette.com/597828/everybody-hates-ted-cruz-and-his-stupid-foreign-born-face"></a>It's easy to forget, what with all the breaking news about Ted Cruz's alleged sex scandals and dildo-grabbing, that the man currently running second place for the Republican presidential nomination actually has a day job, as the most...