Alec MacGillis of the Washington Post, you are one brave blogger, and a service to the Republic! Yes, the Senate Finance Committee is slowly working its way through 500 amendments and 500,000 opening speeches today on its terrible health care bill. How’s it going? Oh look, Chuck Grassley is being an ass, weird: “He acknowledged that the bill did not include a government-run insurance option, but raised the specter that might yet lie in the future and lead the U.S. in the direction of Europe, where ‘countries have inevitably turned to government imposed rationing to control costs.’” Ha ha, “raised the specter”/”Europe” — this is one sassy markup liveblog, MMHMM. [Washington Post]

Former Massachusetts Gov. Michael Dukakis, who one time — for fun — let a black inmate run free so as to rape the white ladies, could be the next fake Ted Kennedy, for a few months! He is “the name most prominently mentioned” appointee for Gov. Deval Patrick, who awaits a bill allowing him to do this, which is being debated in the House today. This is big news, because most people had just assumed Michael Dukakis was dead. [Washington Post]

You should read this whole Ezra Klein interview with Sen. Jay Rockefeller if you have the time, because Rockefeller is doing his best to preserve some kind of decent health care bill in the Senate, and candidly hints at all sorts of things: “I think the world of Olympia Snowe. She’s got incredible courage, and the Republican leadership is brutal in the way they apply pressure… They bring the hammer down on her, and I’m not going to say how,” and “If you really want to be honest about it, eight to 10 percent of the members of Congress understand health care. At maximum. I chaired the intelligence committee, and health care makes it look like riding on a tricycle it’s so complicated. So what you have is lobbyists picking on congressmen who don’t know health-care reform…” In other words, it’s a brand new Washington! [Ezra Klein]

Following the Senate’s lead, the House of Representatives has now voted to defund the few million bucks per year it gives ACORN, which “specializes in social services, housing preservation and foreclosure mitigation,” because of an entrapment video some racists recently filmed. The vote was 345-75, too! Now conservatives will never gin up a reason to complain about ACORN again!…?? MORE »

Linda McMahon, who runs a friendly wrestling company out of Connecticut with her husband, Vince, will run as a Republican for Chris Dodd’s Senate seat in 2010. Whatever. Here she is in a wrestling video getting struck with a move called, “The Standing-69 Gone Wrong.” [MoJo]

• DIANNE FEINSTEIN SAYS A COMICAL THING! Reliably annoying Democrat Dianne Feinstein is getting all “meh” on health care, right now, of course: “I just find that if you’re going to remake a sixth of the American economy, it’s very difficult at this time of great economic angst.” Yes! It’s not Smart to fix a major chunk of the American economy when said American economy is insanely broken. [SF Chronicle]

The term “war room,” which was once used to describe actual rooms from which powerful people went about warring, has now been watered down to the point where it just refers to some 9-year-old intern in an undisclosed Washington dungeon linking to articles about Bob Corker, on Twitter. This is the macho macho new Senate Democrats’ War Room! Look at how buff ‘n’ tuff they are, the Senate Democrats. Ha ha, nice try. An accurate “Senate Democrats’ Twitter Page” would feature a picture of an exasperated Ben Nelson and only one message, “Whoa whoa whoa, let’s slow things down and think this through,” reposted every hour on the hour. [Twitter via Washington Independent]

This one goes out to all the readers with attention spans, because what we’ve got here is an informative ten-minute video about public policy. There must be at least three or four humans out there who… like to learn about policies before making up their minds on them?? It’s a gamble. But what a lovely video! Some teabaggers in Minnesota were apparently seeking to “ambush” Al Franken at a Minnesota fair recently, probably assuming he would just shout liberal rape jokes back at them, because HE WAS A COMEDIAN, AND NOW HE’S A SENATOR?? WACKY. But the confrontation goes much differently, and America is saved forever. [Dusty Trice]

It has only been a week — one week — since Ted Kennedy died, and already some gal has exploited this by declaring her candidacy for the special election happening like 2 minutes from now. Her name is Martha Coakley and she has been the state’s Attorney General since 2006. We checked out her Wikipedia and there is absolutely nothing interesting or controversial on it. (There is for some weird thing about “Aqua Teen Hunger Force,” and how she released a couple of completely uninteresting and uncontroversial statements about its posters several years ago, as part of her job.) What else? She is experienced and stuff, with jobs. The ladies of M.A.D.D. think very highly of her, though, meaning she must not enjoy having awesome fun times and will probably pass annoying legislation about whatever. So just be extra careful, if she wins, to chew your two sticks of mint gum before turning the car on. [NYT/The Caucus]

The race to fill Ted Kennedy’s ample seat in the Senate is heating up like a corpse in the summer tide! (Sorry, Denby.) Curt Schilling, world champion quarterback for Boston’s “Mighty Ducks,” loves George W. Bush and jacking off in bloodstained sock, so he is qualified to be the Republican candidate. Schilling, heir to his family’s spice fortune, joins a crowded Republican field that includes former Lieutenant Governor Kerry Healey and pretty much nobody else. MORE »

Ted Kennedy might have a mean old liberal Democrat replacement in the Senate soon! All the Massachusetts legislature must do is change the comical law that Ted Kennedy forced it to enact in 2004, the one that prevented Gov. Mitt Romney from appointing a Republican to President John Kerry’s Senate seat. The legislature has moved up a hearing from October to early September on a bill that would allow Gov. Deval Patrick to appoint a temporary replacement to Kennedy’s seat, immediately. Patrick will be looking for a replacement with such qualifications as the ability to press the “yea” button on a health care reform bill, and nothing else. Would it be hypocritical of the Massachusetts state government to amend this law right now? Yes. Good GOD, yes! But who cares? [Salon/War Room]