Ivanka Trump will be 35 in October.
Did you know San Bernardino and Orlando wouldn't have happened if Homeland Security wasn't so scared of saying Muslim words? IT'S TRUE!
Also he hates you, he hates you, he hates you, and you are not his real dad.
What, you wanted background checks and stuff like that? Are you some kind of Communist?
Meanwhile, Mitch McConnell would like Trump to stop playing with himself, pull his pants up and USE HIS WORDS.
Lindsey Graham is APPALLED, we tell you, APPALLED, by Donald Trump's impolite racism!
Republican senators don't seem to want Ted Cruz's 'help' getting re-elected. Weird!
Just last week, we were telling you about how, last year, Obama nominated a known homosexican, Eric Fanning, to be secretary of the Army, but that Republican Sen. Pat Roberts, a dickhead, was being a dickhead about letting him be...
The trans folk are making Sen. Inhofe very pee-shy. ALLEGEDLY.
But Sen. Roberts is being a dick for COMPLETELY unrelated reasons, he says!
Hey look, a fake Republican scandal, because it is a day!
Also Heidi says the Ted Cruz campaign is just like the fight to end slavery, and now we are REALLY worried about her.
Did you guys hear the news? NO, Ted Cruz did not die in a fire made out of dildos soaked with the blood of the risen Christ, why would you think that?! But you probably DID hear that Ted...
Y'all, the child senator from Arkansas, Tom Cotton, is mad enough to tittyfuck a swallow right now! Surprise, it has to do with how Cotton still thinks he's the president of Obama's Iran foreign policy. Surprise, Tom Cotton is...
It's a day, so Ted Cruz is being a dick. Monday morning, he told a gay man at a town hall in New York how much he loves religious liberty, and how it applies to EVERYBODY, including Christians, Jews, atheists, and...
<a href="http://wonkette.com/597828/everybody-hates-ted-cruz-and-his-stupid-foreign-born-face"></a>It's easy to forget, what with all the breaking news about Ted Cruz's alleged sex scandals and dildo-grabbing, that the man currently running second place for the Republican presidential nomination actually has a day job, as the most...