senate
Budget That Wingnuts Demanded Still On Hold Because Of Wingnuts
Dumbfuck screech machine Dana Loesch and her merry band of ideological brethren have a giant confused today, which is a not uncommon condition for stupid people punching above their intellectual weight. What, aside from the usual stuff like the operating principle behind doorknobs, has the wingnutteratti more befuddled than Lindsay Graham in a West Hollywood [...]
America, Meet Your New Forgettable Senate Placeholder: Jeffrey S. Chiesa
Pronounced… Chi-ee-sa? Cheez-a? She’s-a? Who knows, and who cares! New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has named State Attorney General Jeffrey S. Cheesa to be Frank Lautenberg until New Jersey can pick a new one on a day when Chris Christie won’t be running for Governor again, please and thank you. So is this guy a [...]
Chris Christie Splits the Baby, Eats It
Gov. Christie has returned from the wilderness where he was in communion with The Great Smog God of Turnpike Exit 7-A, and has made his official declaration about how to fill Sen. Lautenberg’s recently vacated Senate seat.
Never Fear, Arkansas, Your Democrat Senator Will Never Come Between You And Getting Murdered With A Gun
Since it has been about 5 months since the President was inaugurated, it is about 4.5 months past time for the 2014 election season to heat up, because this town runs on scandal, protests, and never-ending electioning. Who’s opening their maggot-laden, corn-fed piehole this week? None other than conservative extremely conservative Republican Democratic Senator Mark [...]
Gun News Roundup: Wayne LaPierre Is A Vile Sack of Garbage, Plus Some Things You Might Have Not Already Known
Greetings, representatives of the People’s Glorious Wonkitburo! We thought we would start this edition of Our Cold Dead Hands with a gun-related tale that could have had terrible and tragic consequences for world diplomacy, but because no one was hit with any shotgun pellets, turned out to be amusing in a “Holy flurking shnit” sort [...]
Elizabeth Warren Will Give Us All The Moneys Now
Wait. Did you hear that? That was the sound of us fluttering with delight as we watched Elizabeth Warren at the Senate Committee on Health, Education, Labor and Pensions hearing while she calmly explained how badly the American people are getting boned. Did you know, for example, that if minimum wage had kept up with [...]
Because There Are So Many, Another Romney, One ‘Ronna Romney,’ May Run For Carl Levin’s Senate Seat
When Sen. Carl Levin announced he wasn’t running for re-election in 2014, he didn’t just retire with class, befitting his distinguished record of public service, but he also gave this nation a great gift: Nearly two years of speculation about Michigan’s 2014 Senate race. It came not a moment too soon because America was quickly [...]
Whatever, Mitt Romney, It Is Your Birthday, Now Go Suck An Egg
Whatever, Mittens Romney, it is your birthday and nobody cares. But is there someone who might ease the burden of the nation’s hatred of you, by taking that burden himself? Someone who shares your X and your Y? A brother? America does love its horrible brothers, and by love, of course, we mean despise. Oh [...]
Senate Republicans Getting Down To Important Senate Business Of Whining About Their Office Space
Hey, US Senate! Anything important going on in the country, that you might want to put your grindstone-noses and beautiful minds to, for the people what you represent? Oh, you are very very busy touring each other’s offices, to see if you want to claim seniority and steal those offices like they are a game [...]
You Can Pry The Smith & Wesson From Lady’s Cold Dead Hoo-Haw, And Other Notable Gun News
Oh hai! Welcome to this edition of Our Cold Dead Hands, Wonkette’s weekly look at the state of the gun debate in America, where evil liberals bent on controlling every aspect of your lives continue their efforts to disarm the brave patriots who are the only line of defense between you and the FEMA death [...]
Let’s All Watch Retiring Sen. Carl Levin Yelling At Bankers Before It Was Cool
Six-term U.S. Sen. Carl Levin (D-MI) announced today he’ll retire when his term ends in 2014. The professorial/grandfatherly senator was known for rumpled suits, huge combover, glasses tenuously perched on the edge of his nose, and dragging the banking industry’s worst dreck before a committee hearing to tear them new assholes. While other senators (LIZ [...]
Here, Let Liz Warren Help You Enjoy The Rest of Your Day!
We wish that we could have a video like this one EVERY MORNING, that is how much it pleases us to watch Elizabeth Warren embarrass bank regulators in front of a live audience. She should take this show on the road because we are INTO IT! Of course, we use the term “regulators” figuratively, given [...]
Tagg Romney Now To Maybe Run For Ann Romney’s Senate Seat: Full Eyes Clear Hearts Can’t Lose
See that man? Of course you see that man, every night in your nightmares, where he lives. WELL THAT MAN IS NOT TAGG ROMNEY. It is his brother, Snurr. But since it was our runner-up Gif Of The Year (That We Stole From Buzzfeed), it will illustrate all Tagg Romney posts, because fuck it. So [...]
Yes, Please
Look outside. A moment ago, was it bright, and warm, and sunny? Did a cloud just move across the sky and block out the sun completely? Did a monstrous shiver just rack your body, as though somewhere a Great Evil had been loosed upon the world? That is because some idiot claims people want Ann [...]
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