Presidential trophy wife Cindy McCain, who already has 20 or 30 million bucks, is going to get another million — from the sale of an American corporation! Cindy’s fortune comes from her inherited beer distribution business, of which Anheuser-Busch is a major client. Now that Anheuser-Busch is being sold to hippie Belgian giant InBev NV, Cindy will most likely pull in $1 million from the buyout and be able to keep her business connection. This should fund at least 20 of her famous Pills ‘n’ Pools parties (for journalists) in Sedona. [WSJ]

Poor Howard Wolfson. The former Clinton toady was born with only one testicle, half a human soul, and twice the normal complement of genes coding for poor taste in sweaters. But finally it looks like a little ray of lucky light is shining on our Wolfie: he got himself a job! After months of volunteering, he will now be officially paid to appear on Fox News. MORE »

Rather than risk the wrath of the all-powerful Fourniers, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal vetoed a bill to double the salaries of state legislators. As a result, the state will have literally hundreds more dollars to spend on ball-withering chemicals and maps of the planet Earth showing Adam and Eve riding dinosaurs in Spain. [Times-Picayune]

Who would make the most terrible running mate for John McCain, an ill-tempered old fraud who is despised by everybody in the Republican Party? Joe Lieberman, of course — another sour old geezer who is despised by everybody in the Democratic Party! It’s a match made in heaven … and here’s why! MORE »

Joe Lieberman and John McCain share a special bond: they are are the most despised members of their political parties. So it’s only natural that Lieberman, a Democrat who acts like a Republican, might appear at the Republican National Convention to support his good friend who acts like a Democrat. MORE »

Former British Prime Minister and newly minted Catholic Tony Blair is secretly hot for John McCain, and now we have a single innocuous-sounding out-of-context quote to prove it! In an interview with the Times Online, he suggested that he prefers American politicians who embrace free trade — which might have meant Hillary Clinton if her most famous free-trade advocate hadn’t just stepped down. So instead Tony will have to settle for John McCain, for whom he is, as we said, secretly hot. MORE »

Shriveled homunculus and former Navy man John McCain has made himself into a political legend by always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, in a way that amuses and delights the swarm of reporters who follow him constantly. In Iowa, McCain said “Meh” to ethanol, and it was awesome. In Michigan, he said, “Hey auto industry workers! Remember how you used to have jobs? Ha ha funny story…” and the people of Michigan appreciated finally being told the truth, which was that they were doomed to live in a series of ramshackle cardboard constructions along the Detriot Airport runway, all of them. MORE »

But what do noise/punk/grunge pioneers Sonic Youth think of the 2008 Democratic race? Kim Gordon is “inspired” by Barack Obama, that’s what! She will support him, she tells Wonkette’s Liz Glover … even though Gordon admits Obama and Hillary are basically the same, as far as politics. This is what passes for “Fashion Week” these days. And here’s another funny thing: If Barry Obama becomes president, we’ll have a president eight years younger than Sonic Youth’s bassist. Think about it.

In a dramatic race to out-sell-out each other, Britain and Iran are frantically converting the Captured Sailor Melodrama into as many products as possible. MORE »

The very idea of “House Speaker Pelosi” isn’t exactly comforting to the shrinking, hysterical Far Right, but they should take comfort in the fact that liberals in San Francisco think she’s a sellout. MORE »

• Tweenagers steal stuff from Old Man Cheney. [AP via DMR]
• If you’re going to run as a write-in candidate, your name had better be easy to spell. [PinkDome]
• Whosoever yearns after the highest office in the land must first endure … pork chop on a stick! [AP via LAT]
• Bloggers selling out: A good idea? Maybe not. [SF Chronicle]
• If only he’d had access to a long extension chord and a time machine. [norvig.com]
• The world’s most patriotic t-shirt, and its crazy owner. [St.PT]