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Posts Tagged ‘sellouts’

SELLOUTS

Liveblogging President Obama’s ‘Why I Am Not Shutting Down Guantanamo’ Speech

Thursday, May 21st, 2009

If you love it so much then why don't you gay marry it oh right you ARE gay marrying guantanamoIf there’s two things our president loves, it’s detention camps and torture. So, obviously, he just used the whole “I will shut down that terrible den of Cuban shame” line to get into office, knowing that once he got in he would stop at nothing to open a thousand Guantanamos all over the Atlantic. We hear this speech he’s about to give, allegedly “explaining” his recent “decisions,” is really going to be one of these namby-pamby “on the one hand, but on the other hand” type deals that he loves so much. Let’s WATCH and LEARN. MORE »


SELLOUTS

Newt Gingrich Joins Traitorous Band Of Republican Moderates

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009

Lower taxes, limited government!This National Council for a New America, what do they do exactly besides hold coffee klatsches in Alexandria and inflame the ire of conservative voters? Who knows, but they’ve sucked Newt Gingrich into their little borg, which means they probably have spare wives and free donuts on hand. [The Fix]


SELLOUTS

Dana Perino Joins Mark Penn’s Firm

Tuesday, April 14th, 2009

Focus Vulcan mind powersFormer Bush spokesmodels who do not know what the Cuban Missile Crisis was, finding work with reptilian Cheetos-addicted statisticians: it’s a Microtrend! Dana Perino recently joined this elite demographic when she was hired on at Mark Penn’s PR outfit to “communicate” things for “clients,” who include Lucifer and the reanimated corpse of Kenneth Lay. [Wall Street Journal]


SELLOUTS

Jill Zuckman Flees Dying Newspaper Biz For Cushy Government Job

Monday, February 16th, 2009

Transportation is a very sexy thing!You know what is weird? When the journalists who have been objectively reporting your newses start taking jobs with the new president, and you begin to wonder if maybe they were lying to you all the time with their biased “facts” and “analysis.” It’s weird until you consider that nobody in media has jobs anymore, so of course if Barack Obama says “Hey would you like to tout the benefits of light rail for me?” you will jump at that in a heartbeat. MORE »


SELLOUTS

Netroots Terribly Disappointed That Barack Obama Is Not A Communist

Monday, December 8th, 2008

Why won't Barack Obama join this very fun party?Dagnabbit we were assured in no uncertain terms that Barack Obama was an unrepentant Marxist who would “spread the wealth around” and socialize medicine, plus other valuable American industries such as porn and sports teams. Everybody was going to win/get rich with virtually zero effort, except for the hard-working white Americans we would enslave for the Cause! Obama rode this wave of pro-Socialist sentiment to become President of our Second Great Depression. Only now have many proud netizens realized that our beloved Muslim Marxist was actually just some lousy centrist moderate type with a sober, pragmatic approach to governing and no intention of socializing anything, not even Major League Baseball. MORE »


TURNCOATS

Every Republican Endorsing Obama

Saturday, October 25th, 2008

'Now Eisenhower, he's a Russian spy, Lincoln, Jefferson and that Roosevelt guy.'The past week has been so insane and frantic — thanks, Ashley Todd! — that we never got around to mentioning the daily endorsements of “That One” by myriad Republican politicians and power-brokers. So let’s run down the list, and maybe even figure out what it all means, at this late stage in the game. MORE »


SELLOUTS

A Children’s Treasury of Wingnut Responses To Powell Endorsing Obama

Sunday, October 19th, 2008

Condi-Colin '08!Everybody expected Colin Powell to endorse Barack Obama today, on the teevee, and guess what? Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama! Considering Powell’s professional and political service, it’s maybe not so surprising that he’d prefer the sane, thoughtful Obama to the unhinged nut McCain. After all, Powell had his happiest time in Washington working for the first President Bush, and the first Dick Cheney, too! (That was the Cheney who, while still a racist right-wing dick, was still involved enough in reality to know you don’t go topple Saddam and occupy Iraq.) Anyway, enough of the “analysis.” Let’s get to the Webnuts and their usual response to another Republican bigwig endorsing that African Communist Nazi City Slicker! MORE »


FAT CATS

Enjoy Your Outsourced Bloody Beer Money, Cougar!

Monday, July 14th, 2008

Presidential trophy wife Cindy McCain, who already has 20 or 30 million bucks, is going to get another million — from the sale of an American corporation! Cindy’s fortune comes from her inherited beer distribution business, of which Anheuser-Busch is a major client. Now that Anheuser-Busch is being sold to hippie Belgian giant InBev NV, Cindy will most likely pull in $1 million from the buyout and be able to keep her business connection. This should fund at least 20 of her famous Pills ‘n’ Pools parties (for journalists) in Sedona. [WSJ]


ADVENTURES IN HELL

Howard Wolfson Leaves Politics To Embrace His First Love: Selling Out

Tuesday, July 8th, 2008

He is basically the Elephant Man.Poor Howard Wolfson. The former Clinton toady was born with only one testicle, half a human soul, and twice the normal complement of genes coding for poor taste in sweaters. But finally it looks like a little ray of lucky light is shining on our Wolfie: he got himself a job! After months of volunteering, he will now be officially paid to appear on Fox News. MORE »


SELLOUTS

Jindal Caves, Denies Fat Cat Legislators Their Precious Raise

Monday, June 30th, 2008

Sellout.Rather than risk the wrath of the all-powerful Fourniers, Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal vetoed a bill to double the salaries of state legislators. As a result, the state will have literally hundreds more dollars to spend on ball-withering chemicals and maps of the planet Earth showing Adam and Eve riding dinosaurs in Spain. [Times-Picayune]


AWESOME TWOSOME

McCain-Lieberman Ticket Could Be Saltiest, Crustiest Combo Since Kettle Chips

Friday, June 20th, 2008

Angry old Muppets for President!Who would make the most terrible running mate for John McCain, an ill-tempered old fraud who is despised by everybody in the Republican Party? Joe Lieberman, of course — another sour old geezer who is despised by everybody in the Democratic Party! It’s a match made in heaven … and here’s why! MORE »