Enjoy Your Outsourced Bloody Beer Money, Cougar!
Monday, July 14th, 2008
Presidential trophy wife Cindy McCain, who already has 20 or 30 million bucks, is going to get another million — from the sale of an American corporation! Cindy’s fortune comes from her inherited beer distribution business, of which Anheuser-Busch is a major client. Now that Anheuser-Busch is being sold to hippie Belgian giant InBev NV, Cindy will most likely pull in $1 million from the buyout and be able to keep her business connection. This should fund at least 20 of her famous Pills ‘n’ Pools parties (for journalists) in Sedona. [WSJ]
Presidential trophy wife Cindy McCain, who already has 20 or 30 million bucks, is going to get another million — from the sale of an American corporation! Cindy’s fortune comes from her inherited beer distribution business, of which Anheuser-Busch is a major client. Now that Anheuser-Busch is being sold to hippie Belgian giant InBev NV, Cindy will most likely pull in $1 million from the buyout and be able to keep her business connection. This should fund at least 20 of her famous Pills ‘n’ Pools parties (for journalists) in Sedona. [WSJ]
Poor Howard Wolfson. The former Clinton toady was born with only one testicle, half a human soul, and twice the normal complement of genes coding for poor taste in sweaters. But finally it looks like a little ray of lucky light is shining on our Wolfie: he got himself a job! After months of volunteering, he will now be officially paid to appear on Fox News. 
Who would make the most terrible running mate for John McCain, an ill-tempered old fraud who is despised by everybody in the Republican Party? Joe Lieberman, of course — another sour old geezer who is despised by everybody in the Democratic Party! It’s a match made in heaven … and here’s why! 
Joe Lieberman and John McCain share a special bond: they are are the most despised members of their political parties. So it’s only natural that Lieberman, a Democrat who acts like a Republican, might appear at the Republican National Convention to support his good friend who acts like a Democrat. 
Former British Prime Minister and newly minted Catholic Tony Blair is secretly hot for John McCain, and now we have a single innocuous-sounding out-of-context quote to prove it! In an interview with the Times Online, he suggested that he prefers American politicians who embrace free trade — which might have meant Hillary Clinton if her 
Shriveled homunculus and former Navy man John McCain has made himself into a political legend by always saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, in a way that amuses and delights the swarm of reporters who follow him constantly. In Iowa, McCain said “Meh” to ethanol, and it was awesome. In Michigan, he said, “Hey auto industry workers! Remember how you used to have jobs? Ha ha funny story…” and the people of Michigan appreciated finally being told the truth, which was that they were doomed to live in a series of ramshackle cardboard constructions along the Detriot Airport runway, all of them. 
In a dramatic race to out-sell-out each other, Britain and Iran are frantically converting the Captured Sailor Melodrama into as many products as possible.