Tag: self-defense

Still neither jailed nor dead

Ted Nugent Disgusted By Wimpy Stabbing Victims, Just Disgusted

Ted Nugent is pretty disgusted by people who let themselves get wounded by knife-wielding maniacs. They're so pathetic.
What if...anime gun girls cause gun horror stories?

2015’s Most Responsible Gun Owners: We’ve Got The Whole Year In Our Cold, Dead Hands

America loves its guns, almost as much as it loves its Constitution, which consists wholly of the Second Amendment (and only the second clause of that amendment, of course). It's the best possible America in the whole world, except...
The only thing that stops a bad guy with a General Electric GAU-17/A minigun...

Florida Would Like To Give You $200K For Killing Someone, As Long As It’s ‘Self-Defense’

Florida has a nifty new variation on "Stand your Ground" legislation in the works. Not only would it make it easier for criminal defendants to escape murder prosecutions by claiming self-defense, but it would also require the state to reimburse...
Who would Jesus punch first?

Unladylike Republican Staffers Bar-Fighting Like Common Palins

When young male Republican campaign staffers get together, a few things are always present. 1. Lots of boys who came from Republican homes who were raised with the smug certainty that they are SO MUCH SMARTER AND MANLIER than those...
Leadership fail

Nikki Haley Did Her One Good Thing, Back To Being Coward Now

While people are so busy clap-clapping for South Carolina's Republican governor, who finally and quite reluctantly called for the removal of the Confederate flag from the state capitol, they might want to take a brief intermission to note just...
A true work of naive American art and his painting

Fellow Gun-Humper Who Shot At George Zimmerman Just ‘Standing His Ground,’ What A Surprise

For the "Well, Of Course, It Had To Happen" files today, we learn the attorney for Matthew Apperson, the guy who shot at American Second Amendment hero George Zimmerman last month, is planning on using a "stand your ground"...
Screengrabs are fair use, right? Yeah, pretty sure they are. We can always add a pony so it's parody.

George Zimmerman: God Made Me Do It

Now that the Justice Department has declared George Zimmerman a swell human being who merely shot and killed Trayvon Martin but didn't violate his civil rights, Mr. Zimmerman sat down for a spontaneous, not-at-all scripted-sounding interview with his divorce...
They're coming right for him!

New Jersey To Consider Not Letting You Murder Someone Because You Were Scared Of Their Gay

Hey, you know what seems like a real bad defense for killing people? Being afraid of their gay. While it's not the most commonly invoked "self-defense" -- certainly not as common as "I had to kill that unarmed black...
Ready for all comers

George Zimmerman: Be Sure To Buy Your ‘Killing Unarmed Black Kids’ Insurance!

George Zimmerman has a lot of free time. His notoriety prevents him from seeking conventional employment, evidently, and he got fired from his last unpaid gig in that the owner of the gun shop he was lurking behind at...
We can't even come up with a funny alt tag right now, guys.

Marissa Alexander Officially Not Allowed To Stand Her Ground In Florida

You remember Marissa Alexander, right? She was the Florida woman who fired warning shots at her abusive husband (and missed) during a domestic dispute and got 20 years for it. Fortunately, she got a new trial, and on Monday,...
Lucia McBath & her son, Jordan Davis (1995-20120

Oh How Sad, Michael Dunn Is Going To Prison For Life. Wait, Did We Say ‘Sad’?

Michael Dunn, convicted last month for the murder of 17-year-old Jordan Davis, was sentenced today to life in prison with no chance of parole. Since prosecutors did not seek the death penalty in Dunn's first-degree murder trial, the conviction...
The right to bare legs is much more fun

Gun Fun: Our Responsible Gun Owners Have Been Busy Bees!

Good golly, there's a whole lot of shootin' going on! America's Responsible Gun Owners have been keeping the peace all on their lonesome, some with deadlier results than others. Let's dig through the shell casings and see what's out...

Florida Woman In ‘Stand Your Ground’ Retrial Faces Late-Term Abortion Of Justice, Also 60 Years

Straight from our "You have GOT to be fucking kidding me" desk: Marissa Alexander, the Florida woman sentenced to 20 years in prison for firing three warning shots into the wall of her home while escaping from her (allegedly)...

Responsible Gun Owners Have A Banner Week (Updated)

We're back in the Wonkette Bunker O'Love, the underground safe room on our Idaho compound that we reserve for stories about guns and the wonderful people who fondle them. And as usual, we have some inspiring tales of proud...

Florida Woman Who Got 20 Years For Shooting Wall Gets New Trial

Here's one to file under "Justice Delayed, but not nearly as long as we'd have guessed": Marissa Alexander, the Florida woman who was sentenced to 20 years in prison after firing a warning shot into a wall to scare...

Zimmerman Defense Team: Our Guy Is A Pudgy Loser So He Had To Shoot That Super-Fit Black Kid

Apparently basing their strategy on the old line about how God created man and Samuel Colt made them equal, George Zimmerman's lawyers are arguing that Trayvon Martin was some kind of black superman who had to be shot because...