KNOWN LIBERAL TEEVEE STATION ‘C-SPAN’ BARRED FROM GOP PROCEEDINGS: According to a well-placed secret source, the “RNC voted to close today’s discussion with the candidates vying to be their new chairman. No cameras allowed, so C-SPAN will not be able to cover.” The American people deserve to know what sordid pagan pansexual fisting orgies the Republicans engage in when they’re selecting their new chair. Now how will we ever know?

That Barack Obama, he’s such a gentleman! Not only does he carry his own luggage when he gets off a plane, he also personally calls the people who will not be his running mates to say, “Sorry bro you are not the one.” (He says “bro” every time because his running mate will be Hillary Clinton.) So uh who did he call last night with this tragic news? MORE »