TPM has been all over that story about the terrifying private security company that secretly bought a fancy public jail from a Montana town, so as to convert it into a War Facility. The head of the company is such a dirty criminal that the best title anyone can give him is “California-based grifter.” And here, TPM has created a slideshow of screen shots from the American Police Force’s website, which doesn’t seem to work as well as it used to. The whole thing is hilarious. Lots of special-ops services, with guns! Try to remember the stupidest creep from your middle school class — he probably works here now. [TPM]

President Obama has dispatched an army of sterilization goons to London in advance of the G20 meeting this week. Their task: to remove the gonads of any human who invades the “sterile area” around the president. Obama also sent his driver over early so that he could familiarize himself with the quaint English custom of driving on the wrong side of the road, a practice known locally as “buggery.” MORE »

George W. Bush’s armed phalanx of security goons did a piss-poor job of defending the President from the terrible threat of shoes the other day. Ever since the shoe bomber incident of 2001, every moran in America has known what a dangerous weapon a simple human foot-covering can be. So why did security screeners not notice an Iraqi journalist wearing these shoe-like objects that were, in fact, shoes? MORE »

Only seven years after terrorists didn’t hijack passenger trains, Amtrak is finally getting the post-9/11 security it so desperately needs to continue pointlessly delaying trains and ruining the lives of Americans who stupidly rely upon the industrialized world’s lamest national rail service. MORE »

• After years of making the claim, Wonkette Mom finally gets the vindication she deserves: Yes, Peter Overby sounds like Linus. [Mixed Signals]

• 1,009 laptops were stolen in DC last year. If (say) every fifth one has sensitive financial information, and (say) every 10th one has dirty pictures of notable Washingtonians, then we clearly need more thieves reading this site. [Computerworld]
• It’s Hitch’s war, you hear? It’s his, all his! [HitchensWatch]
• In Ney’s defense, they all look alike. Campaign contributors, we mean. What were you talking about? [TPM]
• We’re getting too old for this shit pork. [Instapundit]

Oh, and they’re really good at Googling stuff: MORE »

Oh man, people trust the Democrats on terrorism? The Democrats don’t trust the Democrats on terrorism! Seriously, every time there’s a suspicious substance warning, Peter Visclosky hides behind Denny Hastert — we’ve seen it. MORE »

Here’s the thing: we’re still a little hungover. We were jumping around like idiots at the Art Brut show at the Black Cat last night. We think we threw a bus stop sign into a trash can afterwards. Our head hurts, so give us a minute before we get to: a) Sy Hersh’s Iran thing and b) the Post’s psyops/Zarqawi thing. In the meantime, here’s a story from yesterday that we don’t have to think so hard about: MORE »

All we can say is that our Anonymous Hill Staffer needs to get laid. There is notable lack of actual sex and a surfeit of the simulated variety this week, as well as a couple lessons in increasing your word power (among other things).

AHS also let us know that he’d been drinking less than usual this week, because, apparently, a lot of work has to get done in Congress before everyone skips town on Friday. It’s Jesus’ fault, natch. “It’s his birthday or his anniversary coming up next week, so everyone’s going home to be act like they’re good Jesus-lovers.” On that note, this week’s installment of Ask A Hill Staffer is after the jump.

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It’s Wednesday, and you know what that means: 25

John Warner, on the Senate floor a little while ago: MORE »