Erm so earlier this month someone asked Gen. McChrystal to talk about some of the weird shit that people tell him to do, all the time, re: Afghanistan. He was like, “Oh get this: Chaosistan,” which basically involves letting Afghanistan just become a “Somalia-like haven of chaos that we simply manage from outside.” And everyone laughed and laughed, because how tenuous does that sound? Rather tenuous, is the answer. Oh but anyway, turns out “Chaosistan” was an actual classified CIA document. Ha ha: “Somalia-like haven of chaos”—a regular Sy Hersh this McChrystal.  [Newsweek]

Seymour Hersh, the famous New Yorker reporter, surfaces once or twice a year to tell us about all the repulsive horrors the Bush administration authorized or perpetrated overseas. The latest: a special wing of the special operations community that used to report directly to Dick Cheney and now reports to no one is “an executive assassination ring essentially, and it’s been going on and on and on. Just today in the Times there was a story that its leaders, a three star admiral named [William H.] McRaven, ordered a stop to it because there were so many collateral deaths. Under President Bush’s authority, they’ve been going into countries, not talking to the ambassador or the CIA station chief, and finding people on a list and executing them and leaving.” So! Everybody just go back to bed, put a pillow over your head, and weep quietly for a while. [MinnPost.com]

The 9:30 Club has some amazing acts booked for the next few months, and many of them are already sold out. Here’s a list of upcoming shows with tickets still available. MORE »

Jill Biden, huzzah! She should own sixteen Nobel Prizes already, for staying married to the blabbermouth Joe Biden and for sending out a fundraising appeal on behalf of the pants monster Hillary Clinton. Now she deserves another prize, for Truth, because of what she told Oprah yesterday. MORE »

Look it’s Nancy Pelosi’s official YouTube “Cat Cam”! Nancy what the hell! (And thank you for the informational annotation at the end, we get it, you’re hip for an older lady.) [YouTube]

We have been looking far and wide for the ultimate Blago doppelganger and here he is: the famous local zombie editor of Reason, Nick Gillespie. Or is Gillespie just too cool? [Jerry Brito via The Corner]

Wonkette contextual advertising operative “Erin” sends us this Offensive screen shot from a Politico article by two of the publication’s four writers. Many have speculated that Politico harbors a right-wing bias, and this basically confirms it. They want someone to off Ol’ Yellow Tooth McCain after he’s in office so that a REAL CONSERVATIVE, Sarah Palin, can step in and make life terrible for everyone, again. [Politico]

This is from the very special MSNBC.com “Candidate Brain Trusts” section, where you can learn about all the terrible careerists advising Our Candidates. Apparently Sen. Lindsey Graham, who definitely talks like a Gay and is very unmarried, is, in fact, one of John McCain’s many secret gay friends in Congress. [MSNBC]

OK, we’re *starting* to get a basic idea of what Jesse Jackson said, to a hidden microphone, about Barack Obama today. Here’s his paraphrase in an interview with CNN (the actual footage will be shown in full on Fox News — of course — at 8 p.m. tonight): “That the senator was cutting off his, you know whats, with black people and black church.” Please leave your guesses for “you know whats” in the comments (as if you needed to be urged). We’re going to go with “hotcakes.” No: “flapjacks.” NO EVEN BETTER YET — “VAGINAS.” HE’S CUTTING OFF HIS VAG-ES WITH THE BLACKS.

UPDATE: Wonkette has consulted with its arsenal of overused jokes and determined that Jesse Jackson was referring to “Truck Nutz.”

UPDATE II: According to senior officials at the Pentagon and/or Langley re: Jesse Jackson: “big sale on truck nutz.” [Breitbart]

Last month in New Orleans, a secret cabal of leaders from the Christian right met to discuss their evil plans. Among them was Paul Weyrich, a big wig with the Moral Majority, Heritage Foundation and the super-secret Council for National Policy. Weyrich had previously supported Mittens “Mitt” Romney, and took the occasion to apologize for not supporting Mike Huckabee, the bass-playing Arkansas ex-fattie who people only liked because he told comical jokes written by your grandfather. MORE »

Loose lips! They sink ships! You know it, we know it, Darrel Issa knows it … but do the ultraliberals in Congress now it? Apparently not. Those moonbats in Congress and on the 9/11 commission have conspired to force Americans to learn exactly how much is being spent by U.S. intellience agencies. Not on anything specific, mind you, just how much they get to begin with. How is it even possible that this amount is unknown now? I mean, we know how much the government collects in taxes, and we know what the overall spending is, and we know how much is spent on nonclassified stuff so … ? Can someone explain this? Anyone? MORE »