UGGGH JOHN KERRY. The sad horsey lost his 2004 run at the presidency by issuing a stream of terrible proclamations throughout the campaign, which George Bush’s oppo team immediately made into commercials: stuff like, “I voted for the $87 billion before I voted against it.” He was also dull and utterly uncharismatic and bad at campaigning. After he lost the election, he insisted on spamming every single one of his supporters, constantly, with retarded emails that made them loathe him even more. MORE »

Do you know who Lou Dobbs, the orange-headed anti-Mexican elitist, hates more than The Illegals? Cotton-pickin’ politicians such as Condoleezza Rice! You see, “cotton-pickin’” refers to people who pick cotton, and is a term of derision used by angry old men of a certain age who prefer arcane insults over nice all-purpose Anglo-Saxon adjectives. Fortunately for Dobbs, he stops himself midway through this terrible slur and avoids touching that tar baby. [YouTube via TPM]

SCANDAL ALERT: Condi Rice co-owns a house with a Stanford liberal documentary director who used to make liberal documentaries with Bill Moyers! What a hypocrite. Rice, of course, works for an administration that is totally conservative and always doing things against liberals — and now we find out that she shares a home with a liberal?

According to Washington Post diplomatic correspondent Glenn Kessler’s book about Condi — which we sort of flipped through, but obviously not closely enough — Rice owns a house with liberal filmmaker Randy Bean. Oh, and there’s a third co-owner, too: “Coit Blacker, a Stanford professor who is openly gay.” Oh, and Randy Bean’s a woman. MORE »