Scotland Yard wants the world to know that America certainly did not have Princess Diana assassinated in Paris 10 years ago. Just try to argue with the evidence in this all-new authoritative investigation: MORE »

Finally, an American expat in Argentina blogs up the dirt on the endlessly fascinating theft of young Barbara Bush’s purse. We can now provide the following shocking details from a retired DC/NYC newspaperman:

* The purse-snatching took place at some huge bar/restaurant in the “hip San Telmo district.”
* It’s apparently spring in Argentina; rich girls can just skip winter altogether.
* The purse-snatching thieves are known as Porteños, which is Spanish for “purse snatchers.” (UPDATE FOR CERTAIN READERS: THAT’S A JOKE.)

Lots more hot Argentine action, after the jump.

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Here’s your BREAKING UPDATE on the Bush Twins’ Argentine Adventure, featuring abandoned presidential daughters and possible assassination attempts:

Barbara made headlines last week when she was robbed in a Buenos Aires restaurant; somebody apparently made off with her purse and cell phone. Secret Service agents claimed they “remotely erased” the mobile’s memory, thus denying America the naked drunken Bush Twins photos we so desperately need in these dark times. (But there’s no reason to believe the twins’ Secret Service detail, as the agents didn’t even notice the purse-snatching, because they were too busy being savagely beaten in the streets.)

Unfazed by the chaos and crime, the sisters continued their rampage because they were celebrating their 25th birthdays — and possibly preparing an escaped-Nazi-style South American lair for their soon-to-be deposed father. Lots more, after the jump.

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Jenna and Barbara are being tossed out of Argentina — not by the actual country, but by the pissed-off U.S. diplomats in Buenos Aires. MORE »

America’s Mayor was back in court this morning, this time pleading Not Guilty to drunk driving and three other charges. MORE »

Spotted on 10/19, by an eagle-eyed Wonkette reader: The Mid-Atlantic Shredding Services truck making its way up to the Cheney compound at the Naval Observatory. MORE »

Washington’s greatest former mayor says he most certainly was NOT drunk when the Secret Service stopped him after he raced through a red light at 3 a.m. Sunday. MORE »

Oh, right, we were laughing. MORE »

Former Washington Wizard, recent Charlotte Bobcat, and current former NBA player Lonny Baxter spent last night doing what we’re sure so many of you were: randomly firing a pistol out the window of his white SUV blocks away from the White House. MORE »

• Authorities allege that Rep. William Jefferson (D-La.) formed a “corporate labyrinth” to “secretly receive illegal payments.” [WP]
• The Bush administration appears reluctant to enforce medical privacy laws; no civil fines have been issued despite 19,420 reported grievances. [WP]
• Lawsuits target electronic voting in at least six states. [USAT]
• South Dakota ruling has made abortion a top campaign topic in local races cross the country. [NYT]
• ‘08 campaign calendars and speculation align as Mark Warner (D) and Sen. George Allen (R-Va.) share a ballroom in Richmond. [WP]
• Rep. Katherine Harris’s (R-Fla.) Senate campaign is “inspiring dread among many in her party.” [USAT]

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* Hundreds of thousands rally across the country to influence Congressional action on immigration. [NYT]
* Approval of Bush dips to another new low: 34% in USAT/Gallup poll. [USAT]
* Republicans drop plan to offer $100 compensation for gas prices. [WSJ, NYT]
* FBI sought information on thousands of Americans last year without court approval. [WP]
* Social Security and Medicare are “unsustainable in their current form,” according to the administration. Bush: “The systems are going broke.” [NYT]
* Ten states are suing the administration to raise mileage on SUVs and trucks. [NYT]
* Secret Service will release notations of White House visits by Abramoff. [WP]
* Lawmakers’ pet projects used against them by opponents calling for fiscal responsibility and reform. [NYT]
* Giuliani, in Iowa, openly contemplates a national run: “I’ve got a lot of places to go and a lot of people to talk to and a long process of figuring out whether it makes sense to run for president in 2008… As part of it, saying to myself, does it look like I have a chance in 2008? And make that decision after the 2006 election.” [NYT]