Anyone who has ever been on an Amtrak train—especially during rush hour or the onset of holiday weekends—knows how much better things would be aboard that train if passengers were allowed to bring guns on it. Any and all conflicts would be basically pre-solved, because whoever wins is just whoever has a gun, see? Anyway, Congress is all for it, and they are willing to withhold $1.5 billion in funding from Amtrak—or shoot Amtrak with a gun concealed in its messenger bag—unless this is allowed by April. MORE »

A group of important politicians, including Senators Harry Reid and John Ensign and also the beloved waitress-assaulting alcoholic buffoon Governor Jim Gibbons, gathered ’round uncomfortably to dedicate a new 2900-acre shooting park in Clark County, Nevada yesterday. Ensign reportedly “gazed into his lap, fiddling with his wedding band, turning it this way and that, slipping it off and putting it on different fingers.” What a douche! MORE »

America’s favorite orange-skinned reformed bachelor, Florida Governor Charlie Crist, is a pretty OK guy stuck with the unenviable task of governing a drooping land-phallus stuffed with meth fiends, unemployed real estate agents, and pythons. But now Crist has chosen to act like something of a dick to nice Sonia Sotomayor, for whom he would not vote if he were a senator due to her maybe being wishy-washy on the Second Amendment — which is Governor Crists’s favorite amendment of all. MORE »

Mike Huckabee has always seemed like a nice enough fellow, which is strange, because he also wants us all to shoot each other! Here he argues that if Iranian lady Neda had had a gun, she would’ve been able to shoot all of those mean people first, meaning… [some sort of segue, while laughing]… the American Constitution’s Bill of Rights is not what you think it is: “Some of us fail to understand that our 1st Amendment right to speak and assemble is meaningless without our 2nd Amendment right to bear arms.” Misread! [YouTube via Slog]

Yay, it’s Sarah Palin Tuesday! Anybody who reads that sentence and thinks, “Ugh who even cares about that woman, she is as boring as Meghan McCain” is welcome to just go slobber over Foreign Affairs if they thirst so deeply for knowledge. Everyone else can stick around for exciting Sarah Palin Memorial Gun News. MORE »

Good news: Everyone gets a gun! MORE »

“The Second Amendment to the Constitution: Why it is important to our nation.”
by Wonkette
7th Grade MORE »

Finding yourself inconvenienced by wrathful acts of God, the federal government and poverty? What you need is a nice, warm Uzi. And what luck! House Republicans have just approved a bill which limits The Man’s right to sue honest, hard-working gun manufacturers. Hey, they’re your last line of defense between death by drowning, and death by hollow point-induced hemorraghing. MORE »